Anybody But The Incumbent

Our US political system is broken. Most politicians admit that. When approval ratings for Congress is below 20% - it is very, very obvious our system is in need of serious repair. "Politicians for Life" treat our government as their own personal honey pot while simultaneously avoiding responsibility:

We’ve allowed unbridled capitalism to corrupt politicians and the process beyond repair. What can be done? For one thing, “we the people“ must get more involved in things. We must shine a bright spotlight on the deficiencies and make sure the public is aware.

Another part is motivating the public to do something. So what can we as individuals do?

I once had an acquaintance who declared his political philosophy was always to 'vote the SOB’s out!', referring to any incumbent. 25 years ago I thought his attitude was incredibly simple minded. But almost anyone today will admit that would be a better situation than we now have.

My wife says all political offices would be better served by a lottery system - sort of like a military draft, and I tend to agree with her more every day. Such a system would certainly be no worse than we now have, save untold amounts of money and completely remove special interests from the political equation. Partisan craziness would be just another bad memory of the past!

Office holders would be prevented from becoming political royalty with a lifetime sinecure to be used to their personal advantage. For example, it might well have kept Representative Dennis Hastert from parlaying a $250-300,00 net worth to well over $6 million in the nineteen years he's been in office. At an annual 10% return Hastert should have been at about $1.35 - 1.5 million for example. Instead, he's increased his net worth by an average of over 16-1/2% annually. While theoretically possible, it boggles the mind to imagine Dennis Hastert to be financially astute enough to outperform the stock market by that order of magnitude.

The same phenomenon is true with many other long term politicians. And, let’s not forget there are many members in Congress who got there in the first place by promising to impose term limits upon themselves. But once secure in their offices they’ve quickly forgotten those promises to their constituents - in the interests of ‘continuity’ no doubt.

Terrorists & Presidential Equilibrium

Newpaper Headline: "Terrorist Teacher Arrested in New York"

NEW YORK, NY - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. He was charged with being an "Unlawful Enemy Combatant" under the new Military Commissions Act of 2006.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as ' unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If our Christian God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

The President spoke thru his ever faithful spokesdog Barney.
Bush has a very close personal rapport with Barney, for like the President, Barney formerly had a severely challenged personal equilibrium, spacial orientation and comfort level with his physical surroundings. It is believed that the President’s problems stem from his father’s early proclivity to use his young son for third base in family pickup ball games. As a result, it took the President some time after adulthood to establish comfort with standard gravitational forces since he was challenged in so many areas.
The President has often suffered physically due to his equilibrium challenges:

After his election, Mr. Bush’s staff embarked on an ambitious program designed with the latest technology to rehabilitate the President and help his equilibrium:
Though there were many setbacks along the way, the President perservered:

Mr. Bush’s presidential staff purchased Barney the dog as a companion for the President, but it was soon apparent that Barney suffered from many of the same challenges as the President, and had to receive further training himself. Barney’s problems were more extensive than the President’s as he had no gravitational orientation whatever, and was just as likely to attempt walking upside down as anything:


But, Barney’s progression was faster than Mr. Bush’s. Based on his own experiences, the President took personal charge of Barney’s therapy. Using the traditional “sink or swim’ technique of simply throwing Barney into the air until he learned to right himself and land on all four feet, Mr. Bush soon taught the canine total equilibrium:

Barney is now an invaluable member of the Bush’s Oval Office inner circle and the President's constant companion as well as Bush’s personal spokesdog. Unlike the President, Barney showed a quick proclivity for and picked up on the proper use of speech. Although somewhat garbled by his canine vocal restrictions, Barney manages to understand language, and use pronunciation, nomenclature and proper language structure much better than the President. Mr. Bush now depends upon Barney almost exclusively for all his private, personal communications.

However, since Barney cannot manipulate the instrument, Mr. Bush is still greatly challenged by telephone use. To this day he struggles valiantly and continues to work on his difficulties with the spoken word and motor manipulation while his staff desperately seeks a remedy.

The History of "Cut & Run"

I found it interesting and illuminating to compile an informal score card of US war history under various administrations:

From the US Civil War, four wars have begun under Democratic administrations:


Two wars have ended under Democratic administrations as follows:


From the US Civil War, five wars have begun under Republican administrations:


Five wars have also ended under Republican administrations as follows:


And, it now appears that for the first time in history the US is losing two wars simultaneously under a Republican administration as follows:


But, it also now seems more than likely this Republican administration can shove the responsibility for ending these disasters off on someone else.

Another Hastert Interview

Another imaginary interview with Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert:

Interviewer: Thanks for meeting with me again Mr. Speaker. I just need to clear up a few more things . . .

Hastert: Well, don’t waste my time! Let’s get on with it. I’m very busy attending to the people’s business you know!

Interviewer: Yes sir. Actually, that’s what I wanted to ask. There have been some questions raised that maybe you weren’t attending to the people’s business in a responsible or timely fashion in dealing with Congressman Foley of Florida . . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Now wait just a damned minute! That’s what I mean. You folks in the media are on some kinda witch hunt or something. And another thing, the Democrats have - in my view have - put this thing forward to try to block us from telling the story. They’re trying to put us on defense! It isn’t gonna fly though, let me tell you that!

Interviewer: Yes sir, But, isn’t it part of your job to oversee things in the House, and part of that includes the welfare of all the teenage pages?

Hastert: Yessir. And that’s just what I did. The minute I heard that little fairy from Florida was after those boys I jumped right in and took some action. I’ve got nothing to hide! I did my job by golly and I can prove it!

Interviewer: And, what action was that Mr. Speaker?

Hastert: Well for one thing I turned it over to my aides for action. I’ve just assumed they took the proper action.

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker, those were some fairly serious concerns. Shouldn’t you have done some follow-up? Isn’t that in your job description?

Hastert: Watch it boy! Well by God, if you can’t trust your own aides. who the hell can you trust? I mean my people were charged with looking after this issue. If I find out they dropped the ball, well you know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna discipline ‘em. I’m gonna fire me some butts! I’ll put some in jail if I have to!

Interviewer: Well Mr. Speaker, does that shoe fit you as well? I mean if the Congress finds out you yourself dropped the ball, shouldn’t you be fired - or resign?

Hastert: I already told you to watch it Boy! Hell No and double hell no! I’m the Speaker of the House for Christ’s sakes! For one thing I can’t be fired. Just remember this entire administration is controlled by Republicans - of which I am one I might remind you - and they’re not gonna fire the top dog in the House!

Interviewer: Well, with all due respect sir, that’s exactly what the public is saying: That since Republicans are in control of everything, there’s no hope of getting any fairness in this process if you won’t go after the bad guys. Can the Republicans be trusted to discipline one of their own after all is said and done?

Hastert: Well yes, of course we would if we found out anything was wrong. But that’s just the thing. So far all we’ve got are a bunch of accusations coming out of some traitorous left field. There’s no proof we did anything wrong, and in particular, there’s no proof I myself did anything wrong.

Interviewer: Well sir, that’s another thing the public is saying. They are saying you didn’t do anything when you should have. They are saying you ignored a problem for partisan reasons. They’re saying you didn’t do anything because there’s another Republican involved. They’re saying you knew about the problem with Foley and the pages for years . . . .

Hastert: Now, hold on just a damned minute! I’ve already told you I didn’t find out about this stuff until just the other day . .

Interviewer: (Interrupting) . . . and you just ignored it. Other Republicans are attesting to this, and more than one too!

Hastert: Well by God I’m telling you they’re just a bunch of damned liars! I don’t care if they are Republicans!

Interviewer: Some of your own aides are saying these things Mr. Speaker!

Hastert: Well it looks like I may have to clean house! If there’s anything I can’t stand it’s an aide who won’t lie for his boss! I’m telling you, I don’t care how many of ‘em claim I knew about this in ‘03 or ‘01 or ‘99 or whatever the damned year it was. I ain’t gonna admit I to it no matter what. My job is too damned important to the country to let a little scandal ruin my career. Somebody else - maybe several other somebodies - are gonna have to take the blame for this. I myself am not to blame!

Interviewer: Well Mr. Speaker, most of the country now disagrees with you. Most of the public now believes you’ve let partisan cynicism rule you and you have ignored this problem in order to protect the Republican party.

Hastert: Balderdash! Republicans are in charge and we’re gonna save this country from the terrorists! All this is is just a plot to wreck the country. And, it sure looks like the plotters are after me on behalf of the terrorists, me, the Speaker of the House! - why I’m gonna pull out all the stops. It will be me and the Republican Party against those enemy combatants. And let me tell you we are now armed! We’ve just passed the Military Commission Act and the president has signed it into law! We can declare anyone we want an enemy combatant and hold them indefinitely, without charges and incommunicado forever if we want to. Ain’t a damned thing they can do either!

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker - you can’t just declare anyone you want to an enemy combatant . . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Like Hell we can’t! The president can declare, or he can appoint whoever he wants to to declare someone an enemy combatant! No limits to it if the president or his people decides someone is a danger to this great nation! That’s what the act was passed for - to protect this country from those who would do us harm, like the traitors who want to trash the Republican Party over some little Florida fairy’s pederast dalliances. We won’t tolerate it! Nosiree!

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker, just because someone questions the administration doesn’t make him an enemy combatant . . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Oh Hell yes it does! Questioning this administration is exactly the same thing as disloyalty to the country after 9/11. Nay sayers are all traitors, and they will be dealt with accordingly. We are just not going to tolerate disloyalty to the president or to the Republican party!

Interviewer: Yes Mr. Speaker with all due respect, the Republican Party is not the same thing as the United States of America. The Republican Party is not our nation - it’s a political party! You can’t equate them.

Hastert: Who says we can’t? We’re in charge of protecting this great country and we’ll do what’s good for the country the way we see it. Anyone who disagrees can just go cut bait. Unless he or she wants to mouth off about it. Then we’ll deal with ‘em. That Military Commission Act gives us the tools to handle those traitors.

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker aren’t we becoming just like the old Soviet Union under the Communists? They imprisoned and ‘disappeared’ folks who disagreed too . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Hold on! Hold On! You’ve gone ‘way too far now! You can’t compare this administration to the Communists! I’ll have your smart ass thrown in jail forever! No one will ever hear from you again!

Interviewer: Oh no Sir! I didn’t mean it that way! I was just trying to do my job and draw a word picture! I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything . . . or, heaven forbid disloyal . .

Hastert: Too late you pinko jerk! I’ll show you how we deal with traitors! Guard! Security! Security! Get in here! Someone’s let a terrorist in the building!

Interviewer: Oh my God Sir! I was just trying to ask some questions for my paper! Please Sir. Please, please don’t overreact!

Hastert: Oh Boyo you’ve really gone and done it now! I’ll show you over reaction . . .!

(Over his shoulder to the security guards now gathering at the doorway to Hastert’s office): There he is boys! There’s the terrorist who thinks he can just waltz in here and ask any damned thing he likes. Take him away! And, don’t worry about being gentle with him either if you value your jobs. Get this slimy pinko out of here now!

Interviewer: Oh please! No! No! No!

Security Guards: Thump! Thump! Kick! Thump! Kick! Thump! Zap! (Taser), Ziiitz! (Taser)

Interviewer: Ohhh, ohhhh!

Hastert: Good work boys! Take this traitorous SOB down to the Rendition Embarkation Center right now! Gimme his notebook and tape recorder!

Security Guard: Yessir! You got it! Say, you want I should grab you some joe on the way back up Sir? Cream & double sugar, right?

Hastert: Yeah, an’ three or four of them jelly rolls too!

Living under Corporatism!

There all all sorts of corporations and corporate personalities just as there are in individuals. But, an overweening characteristic of big corporations is what appears to be greed (it really isn’t exactly that) and often an antagonistic relationship with their employees, especially those on the lower levels. I believe this is a direct result of corporate necessity to MAKE AS BIG A PROFIT AS POSSIBLE AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE - thus the appearance of greed. Everything else is subordinated to those goals, and I do mean EVERYTHING.

This is the so-called ‘Capitalistic’ system which we still so avidly subscribe to in this country, but which has now actually morphed into “CORPORATISM” and is in reality a very muscular and burly second cousin only to a far weaker ‘capitalism’. In our country this fact is not yet widely perceived and the corporatists prefer to continue to fly under the radar using the capitalist label.

Corporations are also the largest beneficiaries by far of public welfare - in the form of tax advantages if not outright cash benefits which are also very common. Corporatists do not wish for the public to understand that corporatism now rules, for if we did there very well might be a strong public rejection and a move towards more socialism and perhaps even communistic type systems.

That is exactly what happened when Marx, Engels and Lenin motivated the masses against the piratical capitalist plunderers of their times.

One big difference is that instead of individuals or very small groups of people controlling corporations, there are today interlocking Boards of Directors, sometimes involved with many other corporations, who employ ‘hired guns’ in the form of highly trained CEO’s and CFO’s, etc., to do their bidding, thus moving themselves one or more levels away from the actual corporate piracy and antisocial corporate conduct. Another major difference is corporatists are clever enough today to spread the largesse around among more people near the top in order to keep everyone doing their bidding, or at least quiet and complacent.

Thus you have the spectacle of all the CEO’s of all the major tobacco corporations together in one group, blatantly and cynically lying before Congress - and getting completely away with it!

Today in our country money controls our political system in a way not seen in a century. Corporatism has seen to this, and has worked assiduously to remove obstacles preventing money from influencing laws and regulation. “Corporate Campaign Contributions” are now widely expected and accepted - and cynically defined as ‘Freedom of Speech’ instead of the vote buying bribes they in reality are.

Corporatists have also moved aggressively to control media and public organs of expression, and to suppress those they perceive as antagonistic to their interests. There are minutely planned and organized campaigns against anyone or anything perceived as populist, a la Karl Rove et al. The word “Liberal” has very nearly been defined as a swear word today and the word ‘progressive’ is rapidly being redefined as well. In other words, ‘black’ has become ‘white’ and vice versa.


I am amazed at the success Neo-Cons have in redefining something to be exactly the opposite of what it really is; “Bringing Freedom and Democracy to Iraq” while unilaterally invading and subjugating Iraq, or ‘Protecting Our Freedoms” while energetically taking them away being two prime examples. Unfortunately for us there are too many more.

Of course not all corporations are evil. There are still examples of corporations who ‘do good’ and treat their people - all of them - well. But, all corporations must survive in the competitive marketplace. Because of our now perverted system, larger corporations in particular are very susceptible to being subordinated to or becoming controlled by corporatists with strictly monetary interests above all else. Remember the old adage about nice guys finishing last? Ours is a decidedly unfriendly landscape for ‘good’ corporations.

Many large corporations are guilty of ‘buying’ public good will by contributing large sums of money to worthy causes, but which sums are very small mini-fractions of their bottom lines. Exxon Mobil contributes relative pittances to worthy causes while cynically and simultaneously working (and funding) behind the scenes efforts to undermine global warming mitigation and avoid court ordered fines for example.

Cynically, many large corporations mount egregiously false campaigns to polish their public images. BP touts their ‘environmentally friendly’ behavior for example when nothing could be further from the truth. In fact this practice is so pervasive I am surprised we haven’t seen laws passed against such barefaced corporate lying - but they remain blithely free to do so with impunity. No one in politics or the major media ever calls them on it. Not ever.

Such is life under corporatism!

"Fascism should more properly be called corporatism, since it is the merger of state and corporate power."
- - - - Benito Mussolini.

Dennis Hastert Interview

An imaginary interview with Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert over the Mark Foley controversy:

INTERVIEWER: Good afternoon Speaker Hastert. Thank you for meeting with me for this interview. There are just a few questions I’d like to ask you about Representative Foley.

Speaker HASTERT : Yes, well. I’ll help you all I can but there’s not a great deal I know about this whole business you understand.

INTERVIEWER: Well Mr. Speaker, what about allegations that you have known about Mark Foley’s predatory pederasty behavior since July, 2003?

Speaker HASTERT : Nonsense! That’s just another vicious partisan lie and a scheme to make political hay by the Democrats. I only learned about Foley in September of ’03!

INTERVIEWER: But didn’t you recently claim you hadn’t heard about it at all until the messages between Foley and the pages were made public.

Speaker HASTERT : Well, I just didn’t remember it until someone refreshed my memory for me. Of course now it has been disclosed that Representative Foley was sexually abused as a child and has been suffering from alcoholism since last Friday too.

INTERVIEWER: Isn’t it your duty as a leader and Speaker of the House to take overall responsibility to make sure all representatives obey the law, and in particular protect the young pages?

Speaker HASTERT : Well of course it is. As you know under my leadership we have now opened a full and complete investigation into this unfortunate affair.

INTERVIEWER: Don’t you think you should resign & let the investigation proceed without being influenced by you, another Republican? Couldn’t that be construed as a conflict of interest?

Speaker HASTERT: Of course I shouldn’t resign. I’m the Republican leader. Republicans control the House. Republicans control the Senate. There’s a Republican sitting in the White House. Republicans control the Ethics Committee. Republicans control everything and I’m untouchable and can’t be made to resign by anyone unless a majority of Republicans say so! There’s no conflict of interest unless we say so either!

INTERVIEWER: Don’t you think you’re setting a double standard here? For example Republicans viciously went after Clinton for his dalliance with a 21 year old White House intern - above the age of consent incidentally. Kenneth Starr spent over 80 million taxpayer dollars to do that.

Speaker HASTERT: Well, this is not anywhere near as serious as what Clinton did. There's no real proof yet Mark Foley ever did anything with a page either. We’re contacting every single page to make sure there’s no proof in the future too, no mater how much it costs. There was absolute proof Clinton did something - a stain on a blue dress if you remember.

INTERVIEWER: But Mr. Speaker, don’t you have an overall responsibility to protect the teenage pages? I mean they are High School juniors for Heaven’s sakes!

Speaker HASTERT: Listen. Those kids are smart. That’s why they are selected as pages in the first place. Anyhow, who’s to say they didn’t scheme to set this up and trap Foley? How about that, huh? Just because they are young doesn’t mean they aren’t dirty little conniving political beasts!

INTERVIEWER: But Mr. Speaker, it’s your DUTY . . .

Speaker HASTERT: LISTEN! Don’t talk to me about duty. Those little bastards have caused all kinds of trouble now. Just look at the mess they’ve made here! All good Republicans KNOW this is just a dirty, Democrat plot to muddy the waters and put the screws to Republicans! That just goes without saying for Heaven’s sakes! If we can find something to hang on those little page bastards we’ll prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law By God! I wouldn’t be a damned bit surprised to find out a lot of ‘em are Enemy Combatants either!

INTERVIEWER: Enemy Combatants? But, there’s absolutely no evidence or proof of anything like that! Not even a suggestion . . .

Speaker HASTERT: Proof schmoof! By God we’ll find some proof! I mean what in hell do you think the FBI is for these days? That’s the difference between Republicans and Democrats anyway you know. Republicans have never let the mere absence of proof be a problem! By God we’ll get the CIA involved if we have to!

INTERVIEWER: You’d make up some kind of case against them?

Speaker HASTERT: Hell yes! Just look at the damage to Republicans they’re causing just over a little bit of pedophilia. Keep in mind what’s important here is the Republican Party and the continuity of the party! Rendition is certainly not out of the question here either!

INTERVIEWER: Rendition?

Speaker HASTERT: Damned right! That’s what we do with Enemy Combatants you know . . . never have to worry about ‘em again!

INTERVIEWER: But how could you ever say any one of these kids is an Enemy Combatant? I mean one of them is from a right wing neo-con family in Louisiana for goodness sakes!

Speaker HASTERT: Doesn’t matter! Don’t even need to. If that little bastard’s got a Democrat anywhere in his family background - grandma, great aunt, third cousin whatever - there’s a damned good chance he’s an Enemy Combatant. We can make the case! Just look at that John Walker Lindh for example. You know, the "American Taliban” kid. All we had to do was threaten to classify him as an Enemy Combatant to get his confession! Now he’s doing twenty years without parole, right now, this day!

INTERVIEWER: But, how can you possibly do that? You’d make up the evidence?

Speaker HASTERT: Wouldn’t have to! A single Democrat in the woodpile would be enough for us! That’s all the proof we need. . . .

INTERVIEWER: Well Mr. Speaker, I certainly am surprised and amazed at your position on this matter. There’s just a few more questions I need to ask you . . . .

Speaker HASTERT: Sorry! I’ve gotta go now. Got a high level Republican strategy session to hold with my colleagues, then a pig roast to attend before my next fund raiser. No more time.

INTERVIEWER: But Mr. Speaker, you promised me a full hour for this interview . . .

Speaker HASTERT: Doesn’t matter! Gotta go! Say, you wouldn’t have any Democrats in your background would you . . . ? You sure do ask a lot of suspicious Enemy Combatant type questions . . . .

INTERVIEWER: Yep! You’re right! Gotta go too!

Global Warming Proof

Someone recently sent me some graphical proof of global warming to combat all the nay sayers and obfuscators who claim there's no such thing. This graphic closely correlates to the shrinkage of planetary ice mass on Earth. (click on the images to expand):


Coincidentally some history buffs believe they have now established a strong link between the rise of global temperatures and the average head size of some of the prominent Republican figures over the years. In this case, the head sizes correlate directly and parallel to the global temperature gains over the same time periods:

Some of the less respectful have suggested that this really simply illustrates a Republican "Pig Factor" and does not necessarily relate directly to Global Warming. Personally I think they are one and the same and closely inter-twined.