Deniamentia in Wingnuttia

I made an unplanned trip to Wingnuttia just today. It was a mistake. I have been there before and thought I knew something about the place, but it changed since I last visited. Used to be there were just a few crackpots wandering around waving around flags with rattlesnakes on them and words saying ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ and ‘Time To Reload’. A lot of those people seemed to be Social Security types - on the ‘government dole’ if you will, not that it seemed to matter to them while they are whining about the expenses of the US government.

There are more younger people in Wingnuttia these days - strident and militant, demanding, irrational sounding people. Leadership appears to be transient and rotates around among Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman and some guy named Rick Santorum to name just a few. The message has not changed, except it is more grim, and the mania has gotten worse. Quite a few of the Wingnuttian leaders are limping around with injured feet, apparently from shooting themselves in the foot while snap-shooting from the hip I suppose. Many others show bruised lips and tongues from the disease very common to their culture: FITMD, or “Foot In The Mouth Disease”, sometimes referred to by others as “Shitlips” in the vernacular.

But, I digress. I wasn’t headed to Wingnuttia when I landed there, but Norway, where a tragedy of epic proportions occurred yesterday. I simply wanted news about that and went online to check the story. Turns out the author of this unspeakable act was a Christian fundamentalist, racist and right wing extremist - the very same sort of person as the inhabitants of Wingnuttia.

While still in the Norwegian story, I unfortunately strayed to take a peek at some of the online comments to the story, only to find myself instantly transported deep into the heartland of Wingnuttia. Blam! There I was!

Wow, those Wingnuttians sure get exercised when anyone associates their kind with anything like this! I think it’s a form of deniamentia. Wingnuttians as a culture, are accustomed to laying blame on ‘anyone but us’ and when anything strikes close to home, collective fuses seem to start shorting out all over the place.

The Wingnuttia national news organ - Fox News - did not even mention the ‘right wing Christian fundamentalist’ component at all until virtually every other news organ on the planet spelled it out for them - in stark, simple terms. Then, it was ’Katie, bar the door!’. Wingnuttians came out in swarms to defend Christianity, extremism, right-wing nuttiness, racism and fundamentalism - while taking zero acknowledgement of their roles in the nurturing of such acts as happened in Norway.

Today’s Fox News headline banner reads for example, “Puzzling Portrait Emerges of Gunman ….” as if the fact that he is a rightwing, racist Christian fundamentalist is totally irrelevant. And comments from Wingnuttians to Fox News and others were rabid in their deniamentia. Here are just a few examples (Note, I’ve left the spelling and syntax just as it appears in print):

From the Portland, Maine Press Herald: “A Christian is one who follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. Christ never went around murdering people., This man is not a Christian. Before folks claim the title of Christian they really should find out what it means.”

From ‘roberta7709’ to Fox News: "Evidently the liberals in Norway have opened the floodgates to immigration from the dark-skinned world. A lot of the kids killed are dark skinned and are connected to the liberal/labor political party.  The country has much larger entitlement programs than the US.  I understand that when you get married in Norway, the government gives you a few thousand for furniture and to set up your new home. So, it is easy to see why the immigrants would flock to Norway, and why the natives would be unhappy."

(Gosh, that one rolls racism, immigration, ‘entitlement programs’ [wingnuttease for ‘socialism’] and liberals all into one neat package! Impressive!)

‘quidestveritas’, comments to Fox News: “This guy was a Christian by NAME ONLY.  He obviously wasn't a practicing Christian . . . “.

And, one posted by nw5052001, again to Fox News: “Its a fact the rest of the world has been making warnings about multiculturalism being a failure..the liberals support it and laugh at the warning......thinking only they know best…”

Posted by ‘dleebro’ to CNN: “What a tragedy! Also regretable is ABC's repetition of another news source that the man arrested is a Christian fundamentalist.”

Another to CNN by ‘shalvah_42000’: “He is not a Christian nor represents Christians or conservatives. If he was a Muslim you would all have a different attitude so I don't appreciate the anti-Christ and anti-conservative point of view.”

And, by ‘jls1950benn’ to CNN: “Just because a christian goes out and murder ...proves that that person was never in fact a Christian in the first place: he was merely making a pretense - a self-deluded imposter . . . “

See what I mean? Deniamentia is rising to be an extremely serious epidemic in Wingnuttia. I’m so sorry I had to go there today - and I couldn’t even get my passport stamped. . . .

I Dreamed I Went to Heaven

As an agnostic, I was very disturbed to dream about going to Heaven a few nights ago. After a traffic wreck I found myself at the Pearly Gates and wondered if maybe I was wrong about Christianity after all.

At the gates, I met a unkempt bunch of people, all male, from the Montana Militia, or possibly Posse Comitatas. They wore dirty, unpressed military fatigues and carried automatic weapons but were not very military in bearing. Being an ex-Marine I notice such things. These guys were about the sloppiest bunch of ‘troops’ I ever saw. They were unhappy with me, putting me in a holding cell to be interviewed by God’s lieutenant.

The lieutenant turned out to be Jerry Falwell, dressed in a flowing velvet robe and wearing expensive crocodile sandals, and at least a dozen heavy gold rings with expensive stones, a golden garland on his head, and carrying a golden scepter in his left hand. A sweet young alter boy accompanied him carrying a huge, gilt-edged bible. Falwell asked about my Christianity. I pride myself on being honest, so told Lieutenant Falwell the truth - I don’t believe in god, or christianity. 

“What if I can prove God exists, beyond any doubt?” he asked. “And, not only that, but that he is a Christian God, and part of the Holy Trinity and all that stuff?”

“Well, it sure would go a long way towards changing my mind if you can.” I admitted.

“OK, then, here we go.” he said.

“First, God knows and cares about everything that goes on, every person, every animal, every blade of grass, and the very sparrows in the air. His love is like loving hands which cup you and protect you from harm.”

“If that’s true,” I asked. “how come I’m here in the first place? If God loves me, how come I’m dead and standing here with you now?”

“God simply called you home. He could have easily protected you in that wreck and left you on Earth. It was just your time.”

“But, why me?” I wondered. “I’ve always lived honestly and was kind to others. I’ve loved, respected and protected my wife and kids. I ran a business which provided a living for many others, every one of whom I’ve always treated with dignity and respect, and always paid my taxes.”

“Yeah but, did you go to church and tithe?” he asked. “Are you Republican?”

“No.”

“Well, there you go!” said lieutenant Falwell. “There’s three good reasons right there. I’m not speaking for God, mind you, just saying that might be why.”

“What’s being Republican got to do with it?” I wondered.

“God loves Republicans. It’s easy to scare the bejesus out of them if you’ll pardon the expression. Republicans get spooked like sheep when somebody like me tells them anything. Only Republican politicians go straight to Hell, with no questions asked. And, if you ain’t Republican you get interviewed like you are now.”

“OK then,” I said. “If God protects all the innocents, how’s about an airplane crash which kills everybody on board, even if some are preachers, or innocent little children?”

“God works in mysterious ways and does not give a reason when he calls someone home, even little children. Besides, sometimes God lets an airplane crash and saves everyone on board. That’s an example of his miracles. You recall a crash that happened a couple years ago when a plane went down in the East River at New York City and not a single person died? That was God’s miracle, and proof right there of God’s love. They said people were saved because an experienced pilot named Sullenberger was driving that airplane and knew all the right things to do. But, just why do you think Sully was flying that day?”

“‘Cause he was on the duty roster?” I asked hopefully.

“Well, just why do you think he was on the duty roster?” Falwell quickly retorted.

I could see just where this was going, so changed course. “OK, what about other crashes including airplanes, cars, boats, bicycles, motorcycles and whatnot happening all over the world the very same day?”

“God works in mysterious ways I said. We mortals may not question God who always has his reasons and doesn’t explain them to anyone.”

“Seems like he’s mighty highhanded to me, and that God’s disasters outnumber his miracles about a hundred to one.” I observed.

“I’m beginning to think you’re not good heavenly material.” sniffed Falwell.

“Well actually, I might not be.” I admitted.”What’s Heaven like anyhow?”

“Oh, it’s wonderful!” gushed Falwell. “We visit around with other Christians, play a lot of golf, watch a lot of TV - just religious channels you understand, and sports, and no fornicating, swearing or drinking. We don't allow queers or lesbians either.”

“Doesn’t sound like any fun at all to me.” I mused.

“Well, you can smoke, men can at least. But of course, women aren’t allowed to smoke.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well that doesn’t deserve an answer if you don’t know that.”

“I guess I don’t.” I said. “I thought ‘all were equal in His sight’.”

“Well, obviously some are more equal than others.” said Falwell. “Women are lucky to be in Heaven at all, and if they won’t submit to menfolk, they can’t be. God doesn’t take any sass or back talk. It’s in the Good Book. And another thing, no Jews or Muslims, or any other of those so-called other religions are allowed. We let in some Catholics and Mexican Christians, but wall them off in their own sections. Everybody’s happier that way.

“Doesn’t God like diversity?” I asked.

“Not particularly, and especially not if it bothers real Christians, which actually means white, American, Republicans.”

“No black people? Lot’s of them are Christians I’ve heard.”

“Nope. Got their own section next to the wetbacks.” he said. “But right now, I’m nearly convinced we need to go ahead and transfer your ass straight to Hell. So before I decide, just one more question: Do you claim to be white?”

“Well, I am Norwegian.”

“Well, by God that clinches it!” he snorted. “Off you go! Even if the devil is raising hell about sending any more damned Norwegians down there. Says they actually like the place.”

“Suits the ever-loving Hell out of me!” I said happily.

Christians in the Deep South

I live in the deep south now, way, way down there, in the Stephen Foster, ‘way down on the Suwanee River’ country.  I went for a drive around my town a few days ago and ran across a neighbor a couple miles away who I at first assumed to be of the Christian persuasion .  The reason I thought this was all the signs with biblical connotations posted around the yard and on the fence.  Of course, the large 15’ cross planted in the yard was a big hint too.

There were signs saying:  “Iniquity”,  “Covetousness”,  “Incest”,  “Personal-Sin”,  “Disobedience”,  “Transgression”, “Outcast”,  “Living Water”, “Repent”.  All those signs seemed to be spelled right too, except for one written “Hispanios” - but maybe that was spelled right in another language, which upon checking, it seems to be. So, I am thinking, ‘here lives a literate, concerned southern Christian’.

Then, I noticed signs with racial, connotations including:  “Racism”,  “Negroes”,  “Whites”,  “Mexicans”,  “Guatamalans”,  “Hispanics”,  “Blacks”, “Colored”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives a literate, concerned southern Christian accepting of many racial types’. . . . .

But, then, I noticed more signs with distinctly racist overtones, like: “Niggers Repent”, and my personal favorite: “White Niggers Serving Hood”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives some kind of literate, southern Christian person, concerned with racial things, and who is in fact a rabid racist’. . . .

Then, lo and behold, I noticed even more signs with words saying, “God”, and “Queen”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives a rabid, racist, literate, southern Christian person who also just happens to be an anglophile!’, thinking of course by word association in terms of the phrase ‘God Save The Queen’ . . .

Wow!

Then, I noticed another sign, far back, sort of behind the house saying “Welcome”.  Somehow, that one just didn’t seem to go with the rest. Now, I didn’t know what in hell to think!  What kind of neighbor was this anyway?

Oh wait!  Might this just be Sarah Palin’s secret southern Tea Party hideaway?  Seems I’ve heard somewhere she doesn’t really like neighbors does she . . .? 

No, no.  That couldn’t be it, since there was also a sign labeled “Tammy”.  Unless of course Tammy might be be Sarah’s rabidly racist literate, southern Christian Anglophilic secret lesbian lover. . . . . ?

No, no, wait . . . no references to guns, abortion or death panels at all, plus, most of those Tea Partiers are some of the most atrocious spellers.  So that can’t be it.

Hmm . . . . Wait!  Wait!  Wait! Ann Coulter's secret southern hideaway without a doubt!

Conservative Christians and the Absolute Word of God

“We’ve got serious problems.” said the *Very Reverend Pat Robertson at a staff meeting for the Christian Coalition of America back in 2006. “Those damned liberals keep using Bible verses against Christians and conservatives. They keep coming up with stuff in the Bible to confound us and make us conservative Christians look ridiculous and stupid.”

“How do you mean, Pat?”  asked Roberta Combs, CCA’s president who chaired the meeting. “How can we possibly look ridiculous and stupid? I mean there was that time you got your picture taken with Rudy Giuliani in his beautiful dress . . . ”

Angrily Robertson responded: “Dammit Roberta!  I told you not to bring that up again!  Oh but to answer your question, they are coming up with all kinds of things based on our own verses in our holy scripture. For example, they always throw out that bit about to be perfect, Christians must sell everything they have and give it all to the poor - every last bit - that’s in Matthew 19, verses 16 to 21. Now you and I all know that’s not gonna fly with conservative Christians today. In fact, we much prefer it the opposite. But there are dozens of other verses which they throw at us and we don’t have good answers for, since we claim every last word in the Bible is the literal truth.”

“Yeah, I’ve run into that myself many times.” said Combs. “But, what can we do?  The Bible is what it is, isn’t it?”

“Well I’ll quote a former colleague of mine, old Harry Emerson Fosdick.” replied Robertson. “Fosdick always said, ‘Christians are supposed not merely to endure change, nor even to profit by it, but to cause it’. So, that’s what we’ll do. We’re gonna change the Bible.

“Change the Bible?” Sputtered Combs. “That’s heresy!  We’ll be accused of heresy!”

“Not at all,” responded Robertson. “Our conservative Christians are just as uncomfortable with the Bible as I am. Besides, the Bible’s been changed  thousands of times, ever since day one. Christians have always had to make changes in the Good Book. Times change, and sometimes the Bible must change too, or otherwise it’ll become just another book of ancient myths and fairy tales written by bored sheepherders.”

“But, isn’t the Bible the absolute word of God, and every last word is the literal truth?” Combs asked.

Robertson smiled.  “Oh Roberta. You’ve still got a lot to learn. Of course it is. But we, as good Christians get to decide how to interpret it and to use it!”

“We do?” asked a puzzled Combs.

“Of course.” said Robertson. “I do. And, I don’t need to remind you who I am. I speak for God. Directly. And, you work for me. Don’t ever forget that.”

“No, Sir.” said a chastened Combs.

“Anyway,” Robertson went on. “I’ve worked out a way. A good way, and a way which will easily fly within our Christian brotherhood - and sisterhood too, of course.  We’re gonna go back and reinterpret the Bible. And, we’re gonna call it the ‘Conservative Bible’. Hell, we’ll make millions on it, just by selling our new version, which will be a must have for all good Christians. We’ll tell them they have to have it and they’ll go out and get it. Works every time.”

“But, how will we do that?” asked another staffer. “Who’s going to do the actual work - and it sounds like an awful lot of work. Who’s qualified to reinterpret the Bible - and make it conform with conservative Christian ideas?”

“Well, actually that part is pretty easy.” said Robertson. “I’ve got a guy, Andrew Schlafly, a lawyer and a good Christian and a conservative with the best of credentials. He’s the son of Phyllis Schafly, the anti-feminist you know, who’s a particular heroine of mine. Andrew is setting up a ‘Conservative Encyclopedia’ to publish true facts to make sure they conform with conservative principles - which also makes them conform with evangelical Christianity, I shouldn’t have to tell you.  It’s a web site modeled on a popular informational web site called ‘Wikipedia’.  Only this one will be called the ‘Conservapedia’. Andrew is going to go through the Bible verse by verse to either get rid of all those pesky problem verses the liberals keep finding, or make sure they conform to conservative ideas.”

A murmur of amazement and incredulity ran through the staff at the meeting.  “Wow!” said one.

“Yeah! Robertson agreed. “Andrew will say a new translation is needed since the current Bible is full of errors and we must use conservative principles to reduce and eliminate them. Our new conservative Bible will illuminate the intellectual force and wonderful logic of Christianity. Our conservative Bible will explain the economic parables in the Bible within the context of their full free-market meaning. We hope it can even become a text for public schools.”

“And, it goes without saying most liberals will criticize our new Bible.” Robertson continued. “But, they’ll have to read it to criticize it, and that will open their minds. I am convinced we can win many converts from the liberal world. Conservative principles are the truth and they can not fail to see that when they read our Bible.”

“Wow, Pat!” gushed Roberta Combs. “The ideas you come up with never cease to amaze me. They’re absolutely unbelievable!”


* This is a playful spoof of an imagined staff meeting at Pat Robertson’s Christian Coalition of America.  However, the new ‘Conservative Bible’ is all too real and most definitely not imagined. This spoof is about a real and serious effort by Andrew Schlafly and Conservapedia to do just that: To reinterpret the Bible to conform with conservative principles!


The Conservapedia web site is now a fact and the reinterpretation project is well underway.  Conservapedia has three books of the Bible’s Old Testament, and eight books of the New Testament reinterpreted to conform with conservative Christian ideology. Work has begun on many of the remaining books. INCREDIBLE!

The Reality Challenged, Doctrinally Blinded and Aggressively Obtuse, Republican Right

There are commonalities between the so-called religious right and the neoconservatives. Often the two have overlapped of course, especially after the far right cynically and successfully managed to co-opt so many Christian groups to their banner over the past decade or so.

There is their steadfast ability to ignore realities. Followers in both groups demonstrate an amazing ability to ignore facts in favor of what they wish to believe. They are guided in this by the sustained drumbeat of massive propaganda directed their way, and which they seemingly eagerly lap up without question. It's sort of a 'believe what we tell you, and ignore anything different, even if it's right there before your very eyes'. A great example of this was the insistence that Iraq was somehow responsible for the 9/11 attacks, even though there was nary an Iraqi involved in the event, and fifteen Saudis ('Our friends and allies') who were. Simply amazing.

Then there is the relentless clamor insisting only Sarah Palin (or Republicans) can restore 'sanity' and balance to the government not if, but when she (or a Republican) is elected to the US presidency in 2012. Leaving aside the facts Palin is only Dubya in skirts - only perhaps more so - and that GW Bush and his administrations were the architects of our current national economic and social train wreck, Palin's chief support is mainly, almost exclusively, only among far right Republicans. And, only about half of those, the others still cognizant enough to recognize Palin is a 'lightweight, and too light in the ass' to ever have a chance. Doing the math, about 50% of 35% is roughly 18%.

The reality is, Sarah Palin is the biggest gift by far that Republicans can ever give their political enemies. It is pathetic really, that neither the religious right, nor the neoconservative Republicans perceive this fact.

But to me, perhaps the most discouraging of all is the dogmatic and vocal demonizing by the far right of 'anything democratic'. The religionists chime in with their Christian angles. Sure, I understand political opposition, but I am having trouble with such counter-productive, reflexive intransigence and aggressive partisan and religion based obtuseness. 'The' Party of No indeed!

It is sad to witness the meltdown of what is left of the Republican party and their various heroes and heroines, and 'family values' champions. The party is in free fall - and in spite of all the disfavor with which Republicans in general are currently being viewed, we need a strong two party (at least) system for political balance. But the meltdown is unavoidable I believe, so long as the party stays captured by the far right and the religionists, and remains so reality challenged, so doctrinally blinded, and so aggressively obtuse.

Wherever did the thoughtful and intelligent 'Party of Lincoln' go?