Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

Want to do something progressive which is both delicious and effective?  Read on:

Progressives wonder at the obtuseness of some of the worst of the Right Wing idiocy. Like Ann Coulter’s ‘perfection’ of Jews, and Rick Perry’s officially praying for rain, and Michelle Bachmann’s husband’s group for ‘Praying The Gay Away’. And then there’s all the blather about the sins of abortion, the U.S. being a ‘Christian Nation’, and illegal immigration and so on and on and on. If you are a student of history you know the right wing reactionary compulsion is very old, going back to the beginning of recorded time. 

It is a sort of, ‘he or she is not like me, so I’ve got to compel him/her to conform to my way of thinking’.

Right wing conservatives seem to find so many things to be alarmed about. Who knows why they get so exercised and reactionary? My theory is this syndrome is fueled mostly by fear, and its cousin hate, with some envy and jealousy thrown in for good measure - but those are themes for future blogs.

Money seems to be a huge concern for right wingers, and is THE ruling factor in so many of their lives. We progressives need money too of course, but most of us are not so dominated by a primary interest in it. To us money is a means for sustenance and survival and not a tool for control. However, this is not to say money can not be used as a voice.

We all have our favorite causes, and many progressive ideas are just so much anathema to conservatives. So much the better, and therein lies our concept. We often contribute money for our causes, and get a feeling of satisfaction from doing so. But, how about DOUBLING that feeling? 

It is easy really: Just think a little about a cause you may be interested in, and then think of some high profile right winger who is in vocal opposition to it. Once you’ve settled on your right winger, donate to your cause IN THEIR NAME. Make sure you research their name and mailing address so any thank you response from the cause goes directly to your right winger. This can be so, so rewarding and gratifying. Besides directly helping your cause and irritating your target, this lets them know there is someone out there ready and willing to put their money where their mouth is in opposition. Another benefit is your right winger can be seen, albeit indirectly, as actually supporting the cause they vocalize against. 

Sweet!

For example, I myself have donated to the ACLU in Ken Starr’s name, to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin’s name, and the Wisconsin Teacher’s Union in Governor Scott Walker’s name. There are so many possibilities you may need to set a budget for your donations to keep things under control.

And, I recommend doing just that by making a list of your right wing ‘donor honorees’ and the causes they are to be honored with. When you sit down to write that check, the feeling is great!

Christians in the Deep South

I live in the deep south now, way, way down there, in the Stephen Foster, ‘way down on the Suwanee River’ country.  I went for a drive around my town a few days ago and ran across a neighbor a couple miles away who I at first assumed to be of the Christian persuasion .  The reason I thought this was all the signs with biblical connotations posted around the yard and on the fence.  Of course, the large 15’ cross planted in the yard was a big hint too.

There were signs saying:  “Iniquity”,  “Covetousness”,  “Incest”,  “Personal-Sin”,  “Disobedience”,  “Transgression”, “Outcast”,  “Living Water”, “Repent”.  All those signs seemed to be spelled right too, except for one written “Hispanios” - but maybe that was spelled right in another language, which upon checking, it seems to be. So, I am thinking, ‘here lives a literate, concerned southern Christian’.

Then, I noticed signs with racial, connotations including:  “Racism”,  “Negroes”,  “Whites”,  “Mexicans”,  “Guatamalans”,  “Hispanics”,  “Blacks”, “Colored”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives a literate, concerned southern Christian accepting of many racial types’. . . . .

But, then, I noticed more signs with distinctly racist overtones, like: “Niggers Repent”, and my personal favorite: “White Niggers Serving Hood”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives some kind of literate, southern Christian person, concerned with racial things, and who is in fact a rabid racist’. . . .

Then, lo and behold, I noticed even more signs with words saying, “God”, and “Queen”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives a rabid, racist, literate, southern Christian person who also just happens to be an anglophile!’, thinking of course by word association in terms of the phrase ‘God Save The Queen’ . . .

Wow!

Then, I noticed another sign, far back, sort of behind the house saying “Welcome”.  Somehow, that one just didn’t seem to go with the rest. Now, I didn’t know what in hell to think!  What kind of neighbor was this anyway?

Oh wait!  Might this just be Sarah Palin’s secret southern Tea Party hideaway?  Seems I’ve heard somewhere she doesn’t really like neighbors does she . . .? 

No, no.  That couldn’t be it, since there was also a sign labeled “Tammy”.  Unless of course Tammy might be be Sarah’s rabidly racist literate, southern Christian Anglophilic secret lesbian lover. . . . . ?

No, no, wait . . . no references to guns, abortion or death panels at all, plus, most of those Tea Partiers are some of the most atrocious spellers.  So that can’t be it.

Hmm . . . . Wait!  Wait!  Wait! Ann Coulter's secret southern hideaway without a doubt!

How to Tell If You May Be a Tea Party Whacko

Lately I’ve been troubled about how to define the Tea Party people.  They seem to come from all over the map. It is claimed some are Democrats (Polls show 5%).  A very many are conservative Republicans, and Libertarians to be sure, and many seem to come from radicalized fringe groups like militias and white supremacists.

From the hodgepodge of misspelled and mis-punctuated signs they like to wave about, it is fairly obvious many Tea Partiers are borderline illiterates.  Some seem to be way over the border in fact. And, many Tea Partiers seem to be otherwise normal people who have been mobilized from the complacent, self-satisfied comfort of their sofas and arm chairs to attend the meetings.   There they worship their intellectually challenged heros like Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin who are the ones who mobilized them in the first place.

After a good bit of though I have discerned many commonalities which help describe the disparate group of people who call themselves Tea Partiers.   It was simply a matter of sitting down and giving the issue sufficient thought.  I am sharing my conclusions with everyone in the hopes it will help those who may suspect they may be whackos themselves to draw their own conclusions.  Shown below is my ‘calculator’ which will help you decide.  Simply enter an ‘X’ or checkmark in the boxes for the characteristics which describe you, then total the number of marks you make.  A convenient scoring index at the bottom will help you decide for sure:

(Double-click on the chart below to expand)

*A Modern American Tea Party

John McCain called me last night.  “There’s gonna be a Tea Party tomorrow.  Six O’Clock.” he said.  “And by the way, I don’t know how everyone got the idea, but I AM NOT ANY DAMNED MAVERICK!  Just because I wrote that damned book with the sub-title, The Education of an American Maverick doesn’t mean I am one!  Who’d a ever thunk?”.

“But never mind all that.  The party is at Newt Gingrich’s place over on Denial Road.  Newt is going as March Hare, bless his old, retrograde soul. I need to warn you too, Glenn Beck will be there, and he’s mad as a hatter.  He even calls himself ‘the Hatter’ like he’s proud of it, and goes around bragging about his ‘tea partying’.   When he’s not crying that is. On the other hand the White Queen Sarah Palin will be there too, which should make up for the Hatter, even it gets pretty tiring hearing all her bragging about how she really IS a maverick.  God, what an impossible woman!”

But hard as I tried, I still got to the party two hours late.

“Oh, no matter,” said the Hatter at the door.  “It’s six o’clock here on Denial Road.”

I looked at the clock over the mantel and sure enough it read six o’clock.  “How ever can that be?” I wondered out loud. 

“Oh, me’n old Newt, and Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter and Pat Robertson and a whole bunch of other red necks keep trying to turn the clock back.” said Hatter. “Turns out that’s really hard and unconstitutional and all, but we have managed to stop the damned thing.  Would you like some tea?”

He held out a cup, but the moment I reached for it he threw it over his left shoulder and laughed like a banshee.

“You can’t sit there!” he screamed as I nervously moved towards a chair. “That’s a true patriot’s chair!  And you’re not a true patriot even if you did serve our country and I never did. I had good, compelling, patriotic reasons and decided to serve in other ways.  Besides, it paid one helluva lots better.  But, not to change the subject, answer me this. “Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Bewildered, and beginning to feel a bit uneasy, I said, “Well, I’m sure I don’t know. . . . because Poe wrote on both?”

“I didn’t think you’d know!” he cried as he broke into large, wet tears and slobber ran freely down his chin.  “Please God! Anybody got any Oxycotin?  Hard liquor? Oh, God,  I didn’t think so!  That socialist Obama is going to have a death panel decapitate me!  I have it on indisputable authority! And his health care plan is going to save so much money it will wreck the economy!  Look how many insurance company CEO’s it will put on the street.  Oh woe is us, oh woe is us!”

“But, you’re not in the insurance business.” I felt I should point out.

“Not so!  Not so!” he screamed.  “I’m on the payroll of over 27 insurance companies.  Not officially of course, but like they take really good care of real and true patriots like me.”

I started to ease towards the door, but the White Queen appeared on the scene before I could get through.  Hatter screamed in ecstasy.  “Sarah!  Sarah!  Thank God you’re here to stand up for patriotic Americans! You’re the only thing standing between us and the Russians!”

“Praise the Lord,  and lock and load, you betcha!” smiled Sarah.  “Anybody seen my lipstick?  Gotta reload you know.”

I noticed the Queen’s crown was a little crooked and gently mentioned it to her.

“Not a problem.  When you’ve got the Lord on your side, nothing is ever really out of kilter.’ she said.  “But, even if it is you can pray it away.  You can pretty much do as you like.  Rational doesn’t matter.  In fact, reality doesn’t even need to compute for a true Christian like me, praise the Lord!”

I heard a loud ‘amen’ from Pat Robertson across the room.  But the White Queen whispered, “Pay him no mind.  No matter what he claims, I know he hasn’t been perfected yet.  I’ve had the demons cast out of me, and he never has.”

“But, aren’t you two on the same page?” I asked.

“Oh yes, we both do the Lord’s work.” she replied. “And so far it’s been paying pretty well for both of us.  But, Pat’s in the actual God business, and I only get him to help me out when I need him.  The Lord’s mighty helpful in politics these days you know.  Anyway, Pat is a has been.  I’m the here and now.  In fact, I’m the future! But, enough about me.  Who are you anyway?”

I looked at the floor for a moment and said,  “I'm just your average, normal everyday American.”

“Oh, you mean like Joe Six-Pack and Joe the Plumber?” she smiled.

“Not exactly.” I said. “Actually, I read and pay attention to things around me.  Also, I speak pretty good English and and can spell actual words and really respect education, sobriety, calmness, deliberation, thoughtfulness and common sense.”

The Queen sniffed.  “Oh, those things!  Not that important.  Just look at me!  Guys like Joe Six-pack are just the salt of the earth, or at least the salt of the good old US of A.  Those guys are the ‘real America’.  And, they’re so, so easy to control.  They’re the heart of the Tea Party movement you know.  They believe absolutely everything we feed them - especially if I wiggle my ass a little and give ‘em a cutesy smile, silly putzes!  You can’t go wrong with a gun either.  They eat that crap up.  That’s why I love those words like ‘reload’ and ‘don’t tread on me’.  Keeps me in the public eye you know, and that’s the main thing.”

The party didn’t last long and there weren’t that many there altogether.  I said my good byes as politely as I could and eased away.  I don’t think I will go to another one.

*This is an imaginary, spoof story, with all kinds of intended resemblance to the real thing.

The Day The Devil Scored Big

It was a great day for Hell.

The weather was overcast and cloudy and spitting a little snow occasionally in Nashville, Tennessee that day. It started out as just another day for Lucifer. He was out to claim more souls for hell, and he expected, good, perhaps extraordinary success on this particular day.  Since it was a raw day, Lucifer wore his red sweater under his windbreaker. He wore a hat too of course, for besides protecting his shiny bald head from the chill, it also conveniently concealed his horns.

The Devil was in a particularly good mood that morning. His daily incoming status email report already listed an unexpected bump in the day’s intake. Four Wall Street bankers and three insurance company CEO’s had all bought the farm together in a crash involving a charter flight headed to a golf outing to Palm Springs. All seven were undergoing processing at the Purgatory Intake Center. Lumped together with the regular daily crop of deceased politicians, Catholic pedophile priests, pathological killers, Mormon elders, used car salesmen, Baptist preachers, child molesters, wife beaters and the usual daily intake of lobbyists, petty thieves and assorted other riffraff and lowlife, it would turn into a very good day indeed.

Lucifer was embarked on his daily chore of signing up future work. He had spent a lot of time prospecting for souls in Nashville over the years. Being the virtual buckle on the bible belt, it was of course prime productive territory to begin with.  But, on this particular day, Nashville was very, very special indeed. The Tea Party convention was in town - and the place was certain to be full of God hollerers and simple-minded bible thumpers - all excellent candidates for the devil’s workshop.  Lucifer actually licked his lips at the juicy prospects as he headed for the Gaylord Opryland Hotel, the actual venue for the event.

“May I help you Sir?” asked the respectful clerk behind the desk as Lucifer approached.

“Yes,” said Lucifer. “I’m here for the Tea Party convention. Where do I register?”

“Yes Sir,” answered the clerk. “right down there to your left.   You’ll find the registration desk set up in the center of the lobby there.”

But the Devil received a rude shock when he approached the registration counter. “That’ll be $595 plus a $9.95 fee, plus tax.” said the white-haired registration lady with a tight, grim smile. “The total is $662 even.”

“$662 for a goddamned two day, two-bit political convention for a bunch of simple-minded bozos?” the Devil exploded. “That’s freaking outrageous!”

“Yes, I’m sorry Sir.” answered the registration lady. “But, don’t forget, most of these folks are GOPers, and this event was organized by GOPers and you know how our people are on the subject of money and profit. Besides, I know exactly who you are. You’re bound to make out big time here today.”

Had it been possible, Lucifer would have turned redder - but his complexion was already at its limit. “How in Hell do you know that?” he demanded as he looked at the lady more closely.

“Let’s just say I have my ways.” said the white-haired lady. “I’ve been around a long, long time and I’ve seen the sinners come and go. Besides, I guess you don’t remember me, but you signed me up yourself at George W. Bush’s first inauguration.”

Lucifer smiled. Of course he did remember. He never forgot a soul once signed up. It was just she had a new hairdo, with blueing - and after all, nearly ten years had passed. He paid his tab and passed on into the convention hall. It was full of people he recognized immediately. For Lucifer put his special marks on signed souls so he could pick out his former victims easily, so as not to waste his time: A grim, judgmental set to the countenance, with downturned, tightly pursed lips, a hunted look, and with eyes that darted furtively were just a few of the signs.  The goddamned place was full of people with his signs. Maybe prospecting wouldn’t be so good after all.

But, he soon brightened up. Of course the stage was already completely full of signed souls, but the first few rows of spectator seats had a hefty proportion of candidates. Eager, and angry looking people, but without that hunted look - yet. Lucifer would work hard to change all that. He sat down next to a large, well-fed fat lady.

“How do?” he said, dropping into the local idiom. The large woman looked at him suspiciously.

“I’m Aidan Messor from Brimstone, Louisiana.” Lucifer smiled warmly as he stuck out his hand. The fat lady reluctantly gave him three pulpy fingers, overhand, like over ripe bananas hanging from a stalk.

“Trinity Jones.” the fat lady said, glaring at him. “Milwaukee.”

“I’m really looking forward to hearing Sarah Palin’s talk.” said Lucifer.

“Oh, I just love her so much.” Trinity Jones gushed immediately. “She’s so down to earth and real and all. I wish I could be as beautiful and smart as she is!”

“Well, you’re already as beautiful, and I can easily show you how to be as wonderful and smart and popular as Sarah is. In fact, I’m the very one who showed Sarah how to do it.” said Lucifer with an easy grin as he started into his standard spiel.  Trinity Jones turned her full attention to him, intrigued. This one was already almost in the bag!

And, the entire day went that way, easy pickings all the way, all day long - one hundred and sixteen signed contracts and counting. Lucifer was exhausted by the time Sarah Palin launched into her speech.  He turned to what he decided to be his last and final mark.

“How do, I’m Aidan Messor from Brimstone, Louisiana.” he said to the wizened little old man.

“Rafer Fortis” said the old guy.  “Fort Wayne.  I’m just here to check things out.  So far, I’m not too impressed.  Figure I ain’t got a whole lot’s for my money yet.  Damned sure not what I expected.”

“Me neither.” said Lucifer.  “What were you expecting?  Exactly what are you looking for?”

“Well, a damned sight more than what that silly-assed airhead Sarah Palin’s giving us.” said the old guy. “I wanted this simple-minded crap, I’da stayed home with the old lady. Least they coulda given us someone like that Ann Coulter. Now, her I could listen to all day long.”

Lucifer smiled. “What if I could work it out for you to have a personal audience with Ann? What would that be worth to you?”

“Hell, I’d give my very soul for that!” said Rafer Fortis. “But, how in Hell you gonna do that? You something special or something?"

“Not a problem.” said Lucifer with a wide, warm smile, another soul already as good as done.  “See, Ann is my sister.”

Profoundly Stupid Statements

I am bereft.  Maybe it was the holidays and people were focused on other things.  But, I am feeling so starved lately for Profoundly Stupid Statements.  Since the change of administrations a year ago there has been a real drought of really, Profoundly Stupid Statements.  I think we all got spoiled by the absolute surfeit of Profoundly Stupid Statements during the last decade until this year.

Oh sure, we’ve had quite a few since Obama went in office coming from the so-called ‘Conservative’ faction.  Statements about Death Panels, statements comparing a national health care plan to the Nazi Third Reich and such like.  But nothing like what went on before during the Bush years.

 And, who can forget GW Bush’s absolute treasure trove of such things as:


"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions.  I can't answer your question.", or,

“ . . .I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God.”

(That one sort of reminds me former governor “Ma” Ferguson of Texas saying many years ago,  “If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for Texas.” )

And then, so much came from Bush’s staff, like White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer’s:

“It's incumbent on those who believe Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction to come forward and tell us where they are.”

And, from his Attorney General john Ashcroft:  “I feel the best way to ensure Americans' freedom is to tighten restrictions on that freedom in any way possible. Only through wiretaps, illegal searches and seizures, unfettered government intrusion, a controlled media and a complete crackdown on free speech can we ensure the liberties of all people." 

And, from Bush's FEMA director Michael Brown  after Hurricane Katrina:  "Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well." 

Of course Brown then received his deserved congratulations from President Bush at the time:  “You’re doing a heckuva job Brownie!”


(Maybe I'm making the rash assumption here that Bush was referring to the thorough brown-nosing job he was getting from Brownie.)

Dubya’s mother, not to be left out, when asked if she ever thought about the dead American soldiers returning home from Iraq replied sweetly:  "why should I waste my beautiful mind on that?" 

Maybe it’s a family thing because coming from his father before him was the delightful: “The Democrats just want to ram it down my ear with a victory!”

Sarah Palin all on her lonesome seems to be trying to file the void - with a bit of help from others.  One of my favorite Sarah Palin claims is her theory the “In God We Trust” motto (completely unconstitutional by the by) being moved to the edges of coins is a conspiracy by the Obama administration. In fact, the decision was made in 2007 under Bush and later reversed by Congress.  And who can ever forget Palin's claim about reading newspapers to Katie Couric: "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."


You betcha!

And I loved it when asked about her duties of Vice President she answered,  "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" 

Equally priceless is Palin’s remark made when resigning as governor of Alaska (quitting):  "It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out."

Congress often got into the Profoundly Stupid Statement act as well:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN):  "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

Sen. Orrin Hatch, (R-UT): “Capital punishment is our way of demonstrating the sanctity of life.”

Former Sen. Larry Craig, (R-ID):  "I have a wide stance." (After being caught soliciting gay sex in the men’s room at the airport)

Former Sen. Rick Santorum, (R-PA): “ Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"

Former Sen. Ted Stevens, (R-AK): "And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. "

Former Sen. Tom Delay, (R-TX), When told to stop smoking his cigar in a restaurant due to federal regulations:  "I AM the federal government."   Delay also once remarked:  "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills."

Former Governor Wally Hickel, (I-AK):  “You just can’t let nature run wild”

Former  U.S. Rep. Richard H. Baker (R-LA) after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans: “We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did.”

Rep. Mary Bono Mack, (R-CA):  “This Iraqi thing will blow over”

Of course other governors besides Sarah Palin got into the act:

California’s Arnold Schwarzenegger:  "I like the color red because it's a fire. And I see myself as always being on fire.”, and,  “ I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"

There was SC Governor Mark Sanford’s email to his Argentinian lover made public:  "I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night's light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”,

And Sanford’s remark when the details of his illicit affair became public knowledge :  This is "very damaging stuff"  (Who’d have ever thunk it?)

Even the Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele gets going:  “We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets."

Not to be left out, political commentators can not be stopped:

Rush Limbaugh claimed Mark Sanford would "not have had an illicit affair if his state had not been forced to take  stimulus money by the Obama Administration."  Rush claimed a depressed Sanford simply said “To hell with this!” and engaged in his affair after losing spirit.  I'm assuming he did this with a straight face.

Ann Coulter was quite succinct in saying:  "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." 

Hey, you just can’t make this stuff up!   I guess it may all just be part of a tradition going back many years:


“I’m the only person of distinction who has ever had a depression named for him.” ~  Republican President Herbert Hoover as the 'Great Depression' took hold.

For reasons of space, I am of course leaving out the Dan Quayle years here. There's a whole book in that guy in himself. But, unfortunately the eight years of GW Bush allowed him to push Quayle into second place.

And, sadly for we aficionados of Profoundly Stupid Statements, it looks like we’re going to be getting by on a bare minimum for a while.

THE WINGNUT OLYMPICS

The Wingnut Olympics were held Bayou la Batre, Alabama last week.

The 'Birthers' came out of the gate strongly with strident claims that Barrack Obama was not born in the US of A. They trotted out all sorts of manufactured 'evidence' and theories to 'prove' their case. But, they were ruled out on a 'lunacy' technicality when a Birther fringe element laid out a case that, in fact, not only was Obama not even born in the country, but not on the planet Earth. Their contention was that Obama was a 'droid' manufactured on the as yet undiscovered planet "Sublime" by a socialist race with communistic tendencies.

Supposedly, and according to the Birthers, the obama droid was 'inserted' into the mainstream 'milieu' and programmed to gain traction in Chicago, Illinois. Why Chicago should be chosen was beyond anyone's comprehension - hence the lunacy disqualification.

The fundamentalist Christian faction, always strong contenders, went out to an early lead which they stubbornly, if absurdly, defended throughout most of the entire event. Led by Sarah Palin in partnership with James Dobson, they attempted to perform 'de facto exorcisms' via telekinesis of Obama, Sonia Sotomayor and Tinky Winky of Teletubbie fame.


When this failed, Palin volunteered herself as a subject in a desperate attempt to hold onto the lead. And, in fact, several demons WERE successfully exorcised from Palin, but several even more heinous ones were not. The voo-doo priest who performed the exorcism then took his own life by 'self-will' on the stage in front of thousands of excited fans, some of whom were actually splattered by chicken blood. As a result of that, the entire attempt was deemed a fraud and a failure by the judges.

But, no matter. The judges were immediately overruled by the very Reverend Pat Robertson who opined, "Hey, if I can make God steer hurricanes, why can't I overrule a few corporeal judges? But Robertson himself was then distracted by some peculiarly nasty controversies concerning the abysmal treatment of workers at one of his diamond mines in Africa, and lost control of the situation. The judges ultimately prevailed and ruled the fundamentalists out. The fundamentalists stomped out of the event, but not before angrily dynamiting the administration building and torching a number of the judges.

"Peace on Earth and good will to men.' n'est pas?

But the real heroes of the event were the Flat Earthers and the Global Warming Deniers, who although small in number, displayed a strength far beyond their apparent capacity. Buoyed by massive infusions of cash from their multi-national oil company sponsors, they were a force to contend with throughout.

The FE's and the GWD's were themselves strongly aided by the anti-abortion crowd, who threw a wild care in the event with their claims that human life begins at very first thought of any sexual thought by the male of the species. Although wags like to call this the 'Horny Toad Conundrum', the judges seemed to give the idea a lot of credence.

It was only when the Pentecostal Snake Handlers crowd began wholesale lobbying for the 'Right to Life' for unborn snakes 'even before the egg' that the judges realized their error and reversed themselves.

The gold medal winners turned out to be 'Cynical Corporate Masters', as if there ever were really any doubt. These cynical, behind-the-scenes manipulators of the intellectually challenged, controlled everyone else through the medium of Fox news and corporate shills such as Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly. Most of the above contenders coincidentally, already qualify on the intellectually challenged account. As a result the CCM's ruled the event, and laughed hilariously all the way to the bank afterwards.

The American Media and the US Crusade Against Gog and Magog

Did you know that US president George W. Bush viewed the war in Iraq as a mission from God to combat Gog and Magog? Well, neither did I, but apparently that is true, according to an article by editor James A. Haught of the Charleston, WVA Gazette.

Bush actually called French premier Jacques Chirac by telephone in early 2003 and told him: "Gog and Magog are at work in the Middle East. ... The biblical prophecies are being fulfilled. ... This confrontation is willed by God, who wants to use this conflict to erase his people's enemies before a New Age begins."

Sounds a lot like Jerry Falwell or Pat Robertson, doesn't it? And, Bush must have had a direct link with the God of Christianity to be able to tell Chirac what God wanted . . .

Haught's newspaper is the only US paper to publish this astounding bit of news - until the Juneau Empire in Alaska republished it today. The Toronto Star in Canada is the only other paper in the western hemisphere to report it. Why? Apparently other media, if they even knew about it, found the story to be too incredible to believe.

I am coming to believe that the American media today is too fearful to seriously challenge the bizarros from the right. I can't explain it any other way. True, you do have a few like Jon Stewart who try to throw a spotlight on the incredible dementia which seems to be proliferating. But his brand of journalism is commonly viewed as 'comedy' - albeit closer to the truth than almost anything else out there.

Gene Lyons of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette columnist writes about Ann Coulter's book: ""Slander," I once noted that "the 'liberal' sins (she) caricatures -- atheism, cosmopolitanism, sexual license, moral relativism, communism, disloyalty and treason -- are basically identical to the crimes of the Jews as Hitler saw them.""

The real tragicomedy is the craziness emanating from those who otherwise might seem to be fairly normal people - until they open their mouths to spew their brand of political invective, hate, hyperbole and falsehoods. With no apologies mind you. You see Sarah Palin declaiming about 'Death Panels', and the incessant nonsense Fox News puts out under their brand of 'journalism'. Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity are nothing but shills for right wing extremism and corportocracy. One has to wonder what the powers that be behind all this hope to gain in the end. A 'New Republic"? A "Fifth Reich"?

The danger to all of us is the constant stream of deceitful propaganda directed at the 'already convinced' which motivates some of the more extreme elements to violence and ever more craziness. Some of their comments in the blogosphere border on insanity. They seem to prefer to believe the shrill, self-serving doctrinal lies over bothering to actually check facts for themselves.

Our situation today is eerily similar to Germany's just prior to the Nazi takeover in the early 'thirties.