Monday, December 28, 2009

Favorite Limericks

Limericks are a few of my favorite things.  Most limericks by nature are traditionally racy, antomical or scatalogical.  This is how Wikipedia describes them:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

However, I find that not so true as generally believed.  I've discovered limericks may be used in other contexts too, particularly for political humor - if there is such a thing.  A limerick may be clean, and contain political humor.  And of course, combined with the racy, doubly funny - at least to me.
Ogden Nash in the 1930's, 40's and 50's was the absolute master of the genre - and if you have never read him, I urge you to sample his witticisms. Here is a few typical Ogden Nash limerick from years ago.
An elderly bride of Port Jervis
Was quite understandably nervis
Since her apple-cheeked groom
With three wives in the tomb
Kept insuring her during the servis

There was a young girl from old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez
When she was asked why
She was wont to reply
'Cause whenever Ah itchez - Ah scratchez..

A novelist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard
I learn from my spies
He's about to devise
An unprintable three letter word

There once was a girl from Madras,
Who had a most magnificent ass,
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think,
But, was grey, had long ears and ate grass!

Over the years I've created limericks of my own, a few of which I will share here:

Once a young marine from Jacksonville
Tried seducing a girl with all his skill.
She turned him away with a sexy grin,
Saying, ‘I’ve no time for you my friend,
And, while I won’t do it my billy goat will.”

Of the US Congress, who can say?
Why they plot, sellout, stall or delay?
All we absolutely know for sure,
Their results resemble horse manure,
And the public always the ones who pay.

An old Republican queer named Pete,
Minced as he walked down the street,
Wearing a shirt of bright red,
He smirked as he said,
I may not be thtrong, but I’m thweet!

A Democrat out driving a Toyota,
Ran over a Republican Voter.
‘Thank goodness!’ he cried,
“He was on the wrong side,”
“And I don’t blame myself one iota!”

Alaskans giggled all a-tittering,
While Don Young sputtered, eyes a-glittering,
"Someone's pretending, who is he?"
"No one's a bigger twit than me!"
"What bastard is doing all my twittering?"

*Composed after Alaska Congressman Don Young discovered someone was 'Twittering' in his name.

There once was an old man from Maine,
Who down south one summer exclaimed,
"It's so Goddamned hot here,
I swear to be not here,
Ever in my life again!"

And, here is one by an unknown author, and with several versions. It is one of my all-time favorites:

 There was an old whore in Khartoum,
Who took a queer up to her room,
They spent the entire damned night,
In one HELL of a fight,
About who should do what and to whom.
Oh yes, maybe limericks are sophomoric, but they sure are fun!

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