Friday, September 25, 2009


Suppose you're a big time criminal dealing in millions and billions thru fraud, deception  illegal transactions, false statements and a myriad other nefarious machinations to feather your criminal nest.  (Yes, I know this sounds a lot like the Bush administrations, but this isn't precisely about that)

And suppose the authorities get you cornered and dead to rights.  You face indictment and certain conviction and the possibility of years in jail.  (No!  I told you this wasn't about the members of the Bush administrations, dammit!)

Now suppose you could just say to the authorities, "Hey.  Wait a minute!  I get a choice about things right?   Like:

    A.  Whether I even get punished or not.  Can't I just 'defer' it -  if I don't break any more laws for a while, we can drop all this nuisance altogether, right?

B.  Hey!  I'll get to choose what my punishment will be anyway, right?

C.  Look, sure, I may be GUILTY of all kinds of felonies and all, but let's just keep all this just between us, OK?

D.  Absolutely no jail time for me,right?   Let's save that and maybe bag some dummy working for me, OK?

    E.  And, hey.  All that malarky about prohibiting criminals from doing business with the government - we can get around that by assigning blame to one of my defunct companies, right?

F.  This shouldn't affect my doing business with you later, right?"

Well, hold on to your bippy, because, incredibly,  that's exactly what the US Department of Justice offers to all criminal corporations as a matter of current FEDERAL POLICY! 

Under GW Bush et al, Congress - and the Department of Justice came up with something they call 'Deferred Prosecution'.  In their own words the US Department of Justice says

"We can bring a criminal charge against the company. And we will tell the company -- if you are a good company and do not violate the law for the next two years, we will drop the charges. No harm, no foul. This is called a deferred prosecution agreement.  Now, corporate criminals don’t have to worry about pleading GUILTY to crimes.  Three new loopholes have developed over the past five years – the deferred prosecution agreement, the non prosecution agreement, and pleading GUILTY a closet entity or a defunct entity that has nothing to lose."

OK, so it's not a level playing field.  Corporations are officially classed as 'Persons' for the sake of their 'Freedom of Speech rights' - (Read that as: So they can funnel large amounts of money to politicians to buy legislative favors - otherwise how would they ever have gotten such an unfair official policy in place in the first place?).  But when it comes to criminal activities - why they are something entirely else again, and in fact in a favored class all by themselves.  Personally I think it's very unfair to have it both ways, but hey, I don't have the money to force my opinions like they do.

Meanwhile, Congress gets itself all exercised over isolated acts by employees of a grassroots group like ACORN - which exists for poor people and the little guy - and cut off all federal funding.  No ifs, ands or buts, just WHAMO!  "Yer outta here"!  (THOSE SANTIMONIOUS SONS OF BITCHES!)

Yet corporate criminals, who are conservtively estimated to be behind well over 60% of all economic crimes in this great country are allowed to pay some inconsequential fines - to them - and keep merrily on their way, overcharging and ripping off people right and left - and welcomed to our national treasury with open arms.  It is very good business in fact - for the investment of comparatively very small sums they are allowed to have their way with impunity - and the blessings of Congress.

So, who are the real criminals here?  Could it be these corporate 'persons' (below), who have actually PLEADED GUILTY - yet are still at the public trough apparently unscathed?  This list includes only those who's fines have exceeded TEN MILLION DOLLARS - and some which exceed half a billion:

  • Banker's Trust - falsification of records -PLED GUILTY
  • Daiwa Bank Ltd. - FRAUD - PLED GUILTY;
  • Banker's Trust - false bookkeeping, theft of unclaimed funds - PLED GUILTY;
  • Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI) - laundering illegal drug money - PLED GUILTY.

  • Northrop - False statements regarding Air Launched Cruise Missile and Navy Harrier jet - PLED GUILTY;
  • Teledyne Industries Inc. - Fraud - submitted false test claims on military equipment - PLED GUILTY;
  • Litton Applied Technology Division (ATD) and Litton Systems Canada (LSL) - conspiracy, mail fraud & false statements - PLED GUILTY.
  • Exxon Corporation and Exxon Shipping - POLLUTION - PLED GUILTY;
  • Iroquois Pipeline Operating Company - criminal violations of Clean Water Act - PLED GUILTY;
  • ENRON Corporation - too many transgressions to list - PLED GUILTY.
  • Boeing Aircraft - data THEFT -PLED GUILTY
  • Archer Daniels Midland - antitrust, price fixing - PLED GUILTY; 
  • UCAR International, Inc. - PRICE FIXING - PLED GUILTY;
  • Lucas Western Inc. (Defense contractor) - false statements, faulty gearboxes for naval aircraft (which resulted in DEATH for American servicemen - PLED GUILTY;
  • Rockwell International Corporation - felonious illegal storage of nuclear hazardous wastes - PLED GUILTY;
  • Eastman Chemical Company - international price fixing, food products - PLED GUILTY;
  • Ajinomoto Co. Inc. - suppressing competition - PLED GUILTY;
  • Louisiana-Pacific Corporation -tampering with pollution control equipment, lying, falsifying quality assurance testing - PLED GUILTY;
  • Haarman & Reimer Corp. - international price fixing - PLED GUILTY
  • UCAR International - international price fixing - PLED GUILTY
  • Mitsubishi Corp. - international price fixing - PLED GUILTY
  • SGL Carbon AG - price fixing - pled GUILTY
  • C.R. Bard Inc. - selling unaproved medical devices leading to injury and death - PLED GUILTY;
  • Damon Clinical Laboratories, Inc.- Fraud - submitting false medicare claims -  PLED GUILTY;
  • Genentech Inc. - selling unaproved drugs PLED GUILTY;
  • Kimberly Home Health Care Inc. - Medicare fraud - PLED GUILTY.
  • Summitville Consolidated Mining Co. Inc. - conspiracy, false staements - PLED GUILTY;
  • BASF - price fixing - PLED GUILTY;
  • Haarman & Reimer Corp. - price fixing - PLED GUILTY;
  • F. Hoffmann-La Roche Ltd.  - Price fixing - PLED GUILTY;
  • Hoechst AG - Price fixing - PLED GUILTY;
  • Pfizer Inc. - international price fixing - PLED GUILTY;
  • Copley Pharmaceutical, Inc. - conspiracy to defraud - PLED GUILTY;
  • Warner-Lambert Company - Fraudulent nonreporting of drug problems - PLED GUILTY;
  • Purdue Pharma - false claims - 'non-prosecution acgreement' by lesser owned company
  • Merck Pharmaceuticals - international price fixing - PLED GUILTY 
  • Royal Caribbean Cruises Ltd. - deliberately planned and executed environmental crimes ("replumbed' iping aboard ships to surreptisiously dump dumped hazardous chemincals in US harbors - PLED GUILTY
  • Sears Roebuck & Co (Bankruptcy Recovery Management Service)s - bankruptcy fraud - PLED GUILTY.
Remember, this is just a sampling of the rampant corporate malfeasance known as 'white collar crime' in the US 'winked' at by those who are supposed to look out for the public interest.  Remember also, BOTH POLITICAL PARTIES ARE CULPABLE!  And because a name does not appear here does not necessarily mean thay aren't also culpable.  Just for fun, here's a few more you can check for yourself by googling the names + 'criminal prosecution':

Tyco, Adelphia, Worldcom, Serono, Takeda-Abbott Pharmaceutical, Lilly, Abbott Labs, Cephalon, National Medical Enterprises, HCA, Gambro Health Care, Schering-Plough, Astra-Zeneca, Bayer.

Back in 2003, California Senator Gloria Romero introduced a bill that would hold California's law-breaking corporations to the same standard to which the state holds its law-breaking citizens (California SB 335). Three strikes and you're out. If a corporation commits three major violations that result in a fine of at least $1 million or a death, the California Attorney General will revoke the corporation's charter. For companies incorporated in other states, three strikes means that they will lose their right to transact business in California.

But corporate criminals need not worry.  Two democrats joined with the California Republican majority to kill the irritating bill.  It was opposed by the business lobbies after all

In the end though, we the people elect the bozos who sell us down the river every chance they get.  We can unelect them too.  But unless we raise enough hell about the abuse of our 'capitalistic system' we deserve what we get.  I don't know about you, but I just faxed my indignation to all my federal representatives.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009

How Joe Wilson Became "Old yeller"

Once there was an old hound dog down in the state of South Carolina.  He didn't have much going for himself, being long in the tooth and none too smart.  Mostly, he just laid around licking his balls and living off the bits and pieces others funneled in his direction.  He loved his status quo.

Lot's of people tolerated the old hound - they mostly loved the status quo too.  He was old and been around for a long time, licking those aging balls and appreciatively snuffling his own ass deeply and often.  Once in a great while he'd sniff someone else's ass for variety, but mostly he pleased himself.  Life was pretty good.

But then the governor of the old hound's state, who was no slouch at sniffing his own ass appreciatively himself, suddenly became the center of attention.   All he had to do was run away to Argentina and score some hot latin cha cha cha stuff down there - and then had the chutzpah to go around bragging about it whilst praying to Jesus and comparing himself to King David of biblical times.  All at once the governor was a new national sensation  - maybe not at the top of the heap but everyone sure knew who he was.

At this disturbance to the status quo, the old hound grew unsettled.  He sulked around then and even tried nipping jealously at the heels of his narcissistic governor - to little avail.  Life just wasn't that sweet anymore.  His balls got all sore from all his over-licking and he suddenly realized snuffling his own ass was actually pretty disgusting.  Especially to everyone else - and the old hound grew very morose.

So, the old hound mulled over some way to make things better.  Not being all that smart it was a very tall order for him.   He wondered about the Appalachian Trail - that had worked for the randy governor didn't it?  Yep . . . . nope! Wait a minute! That didn't even happen did it?

How's about Argentina and hot latin cha cha cha stuff?  Nope.  Even if he could get down there, there was no way he was gonna  score any stuff of any kind.  He was too old and droopy a hound.  He  didn't even know how to spell 'randy'.

He got so down he moped - which for a hound means he drooped everywhere.  his eyes, his ears, his jaws and his entire face . . . . . drooped.  He started in crying and yelling, which for a hound means he howled.  He howled the most mournful, desolate howls anyone ever heard, and everyone threw things at him - shoes, stones, glasses and kitchen tables.

"Stop all that yelling!" they hollered.

After he second brick landed on  his tail the old hound stopped his howling - but he did note one important thing:  At least everyone paid attention when he howled.  Maybe that was his ticket.

So the old hound headed to Washington, DC where he yelled 'You Lie!" at the president of the United States of America right there during his speech  in Congress.  There was an  instant and  amazing change.

Suddenly the old hound was a new national sensation.  His new name and face was on every TV in America.  And that's how an old hound named Joe Wilson suddenly became "Old Yeller" one day in September, 2009.

Liar, liar, Pants on Fire! (Or, Joe Wilson Versus the Truth)

Maybe he believes it takes one to know one.  Seems like Joe Wilson himself may well be acquainted with shading the truth.

Wilson of course is the South Carolina Congressman who outrageously disrespected US President Obama in his recent health care speech to Congress.  Leaving aside the fact  he also disrespected the office of the President of the United States, Congress itself, and his own personal office, Wilson also disrespected the American people. Obama after all was elected to his office by a vote of the American people.
But,  Joe Wilson has his facts wrong on his claim the president lies.

But much worse, afterwards, in attempting to justify his outburst Wilson apparently told a whopper himself, claiming:  " I'm for immigration, legal immigration, I've been an immigration attorney."

'Not so!' claim those who took the time and trouble to check his statement.  Wilson and his office have declined further comment on this statement., although they have been quite vocal on everything else, if you'll pardon my sarcasm.

I don't know Joe Wilson, but I am quite familiar with his type.  His is the type who is utterly convinced of the 'rightness' of his own opinions and dogma.

Dogma is defined as 'the established belief or doctrine held by a religion, ideology or any kind of organization: it is authoritative and not to be disputed, doubted or diverged from. . . . . At the core of the dogma concept is absolutism, infallibility, irrefutability, unquestioned acceptance (among adherents) and anti-skepticism. These concepts typically invoke criticism from moderate and modulated conceptual approaches, and thus "dogma" is often colloquially used to indicate a doctrine which has the problem of claiming absolute truth, when other concepts may be superior.'

We should not be surprised by Joe Wilson.  We've seen all kinds of wildly accusatory statements coming from conservative true believers who have utterly convinced themselves of all sorts of bizarre 'facts', just a few, to wit:

"Barrack Obama is not a US citizen"
"Obama is a Muslim, socialist, communist, nazi" (take your pick)
"Health care reform includes 'Death Panels'"
"Obama plans to seize everyone's guns"
"Obama is setting up concentration camps for dissidents all over the US"
"The economic crisis in the US is all the fault of Obama"
"Our country was founded as a Christian nation."
"The earth is 6000 years old."
"Everything on earth was created in place, by God, just as we see it today."
"There is no such thing as evolution."
"Global warming is a liberal myth."
"No one could have predicted the levees would break in New Orleans."
"The best way to boost the economy is thru tax cuts for the rich."
""Deregulation of the financial sector will be beneficial for the economy."
"Fox News is an unbiased source of information"
And, my personal favorite:  "If you're not with us you're against us."

Here's a link to some other commonly passed around 'conservative' myths

In other words, if you don't follow the dogma 100% you are an enemy.  Implacably.   This is well illustrated by some Arizona Republicans who once wanted to take arch-conservative Barry Goldwater's name off a building named for him.  Why?  Because In 1989, Goldwater said the Republican Party had been taken over by a ''bunch of kooks,'' a reference to forces supporting TV evangelist Pat Robertson and Mecham.

''It's typical of those people. If you're not with them 100 percent, you're not with them. Therefore you're persona non grata. But that never kept Barry Goldwater from speaking his mind.''
    ~ Rep. Jim Kolbe, R-Ariz.

A huge problem with this approach is that such an inflexible dogma tends to further radicalize those who are already on the edge.  That's why we're seeing such an increase in violence and belligerency from the people commonly called 'Wingnuts' these days, giving rise to what is being called 'right wing terrorism' complete with guns at public meetings, in-your-face-screaming-and-shouting, threats and outright physical attacks.

"If you assert the opposite, that eliminates mountains of evidence demonstrating that what you are saying is false. That's what power means. And the way we assert the opposite is by just saying that the media are liberal."
     ~ Noam Chomsky

"It is not disbelief that is dangerous to our society, it is belief."
     ~  George Bernard Shaw

Friday, September 11, 2009

The Conservative Whopper Factory

We recently saw SC Representative Joe Wilson disrespect the President of the United States by crying out during a presidential speech, 'You Lie'!  Wilson later apologized, under pressure from his own party,  and the President graciously accepted his apology. 

Never before in my memory have I ever witnessed such  continuous and relentless, venomously acidic assaults on any US president.  It is ominously paranoid and downright pathological.  As I watch the Far Right relentlessly attacking President Obama and accusing him of 'lying', two paramount facts continuously pass through my mind:

First, just who are these folks who so implacably believe they are so 'right', but whose leaders are responsible for the greatest political, economical and foreign policy disasters in US History?

Secondly, just where do these people get off accusing ANYONE of lying, when their own leaders operated a veritable 'Whopper Factory' out of the White House for years?

Here's just a few proven examples:

"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."
~VP Richard P. Cheney,  Aug. 26, 2002

"No terrorist state poses a greater or more immediate threat to the security of our people and the stability of the world than the regime of Saddam Hussein in Iraq".
~ Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld,  Sept. 19, 2002

"We know for a fact that there are weapons there".
 ~White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer,  Jan. 9, 2003

"Evidence from intelligence sources, secret communications and statements by people 
now in custody reveal that Saddam Hussein aids and protects terrorists, including members of Al Qaida."
~President George W. Bush,  State of the Union speech, Jan. 28, 2003

"We have also discovered through intelligence 
that Iraq has a growing fleet of manned and unmanned aerial vehicles that could be used to disperse chemical or biological weapons across broad areas."
~President George W. Bush,  State of the Union speech, Jan. 28, 2003

"Our intelligence officials estimate that Saddam Hussein had the materials to produce as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard, and VX nerve agent.... The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."
~President George W. Bush,  State of the Union speech, Jan. 28, 2003

"Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised."
~President George W. Bush, March 17, 2003

"We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south, and north somewhat."
~US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld,  March 30, 2003

"We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories." 

~President George W. Bush, 5/29/03

"But let’s remember what we’ve already found. Secretary Powell on February 5th talked about a mobile, biological weapons capability. That has now been found and this is a weapons laboratory trailers capable of making a lot of agent that–dry agent, dry biological agent that can kill a lot of people. So we are finding these pieces that were described. … This was a program that was built for deceit and concealment."
~ US Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice, 6/3/03

"And I have yet to hear from our commanders on the ground that they need more troops. "
~President George W. Bush, 11/04/04

"I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." 
~President George W. Bush, 09/01/05

"It really caught everybody by surprise" and was a major reason for the delay in the government's emergency response." 
~ US Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff (09/04/05)

"That 'perfect storm' of a combination of catastrophes exceeded the foresight of the planners, and maybe anybody's foresight." 
~US Secretary of Homeland Security, Michael Chertoff (09/05/05)

"We are finding terrorists and bringing them to justice. We are gathering information about where the terrorists may be hiding. We are trying to disrupt their plots and plans. Anything we do ... to that end in this effort, any activity we conduct, is within the law. We do not torture."
~President George W. Bush, Nov. 7, 2005

"We’ve never been stay the course, George!"
~President George W. Bush, 9/8/08

There are hundreds - likely thousands - of others, but this gives the gist of just some of the production from the GW Bush Whopper Factory  In fact, the Center for Public Integrity, a non-profit/non-partisan research organization has recorded 935 'whoppers' on the Iraq War alone!

For further reading:

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

The New, Bipartisan Health Care Plan Initiative

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi opened a clandestine bipartisan meeting of several top US lawmakers  in an undisclosed location in Washington, DC.  Republicans in attendance were House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio and minority Whip Eric Cantor of WVA,  and Senators John McCain and Mitch McConnell of KY.  Interested spectators in attendance were former presidential candidates Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney.  Democrats present besides Pelosi were Congressman Earl Pomeroy of North Dakota and John Dingell of Michigan.

"This is a serious meeting folks." said Pelosi.  "We don't have the time or the patience for any of your usual frat house bullshit, so please keep the grab-ass down.  We've here because we've got some major problems on this health care reform issue."

"Yeah, tell me about it Nancy." retorted Boehner.  "Ever since you Democrats took over it's left us Republicans sucking at a hind tit for campaign donations from the industry.  Hell, I hardly got latte' money any more since a majority of the campaign money now goes your way."

Pelosi snorted, "Yeah, well.  You don't have anybody to blame but yourselves Johnny boy.  I've been telling you folks for years you were letting George W. Bush's bunch wreck the party.  Now, it's our turn and we're gonna ride this puppy for all it's worth.  And, the good news is, campaign money from the health care folks is at an all time high.  The bad news is, it looks like obama is gonna have the strength to actually make changes this time around.  If that happens, we're gonna lose the issue and the cash cow that goes with it."

"Oh, hell yeah, dammit all!" broke in Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky.  "We're all in a heap o' trouble this time around.  And I'm pretty God-damned pissed about it too!  I've a good mind to go kick on some restroom stall doors like Larry Craig."   McConnell was dirty, rumpled  and angry having earlier been mistaken for a large box turtle and wrestled to the ground by security on first attempting to enter the meeting.

"Yes, well, have a seat Mitch.  Johnny and I have already agreed." said Pelosi.  "We've got to do something to keep the issue alive. That's why we're here.  Johnny has come up with a plan which I think has a good chance of working. We can call it reform, but is so blatantly unfair it's bound to keep everybody up in arms and fighting for years and most importantly, keep those campaign funds flowing.  We'll call it bipartisan, but everyone will know it's coming from a Republican.  It's the kind of plan they would expect from any Republican and it gives us Democrats plenty of cover all at the same time."

She went on, " We're gonna embrace this in a bipartisan way by calling it the 'Republican Answer To Systemic Health Initiative Targets', or 'RATSHIT' for short amongst ourselves.

Senator McCain awoke for a moment to break in, "So, tell us Nancy.  How's this here RATSHIT thingy work anyway?"

"Be patient John.  I'm getting to that." she replied.  "I'm gonna ask Johnny Boehner to explain things to everyone."

Boehner got to his feet and passed around a colorful chart to everyone present:

(Click on image to enlarge)

"I've put together a little presentation I'm calling the 'Republican Health Care Plan Color Wheel." he said.  "I'll explain how it works.  Basically, it's a simple qualification chart."

"Notice now." he began.  "There's four levels of health care identified by the different colors, with the highest at the top, identified with a rosy red color.  We'll call this 'Class I'.  You'll notice ten identifiers within this color circle.  In order to get this level of health care a person would need to be able to claim at least 5 out of the 10.  Politicians will always qualify of course no matter who they are, just as we do now."

"Next is Class II, which is identified by a yellow color.  To qualify for this level, a person would need to claim at least two of the identifiers, on either of the yellow color circles."

"Class III is next of course, identified by a green color.  Again, an individual would need to claim at least two of the identifiers in either of the green color circles."

"And finally, there is Class IV with a blue color circle.  A person needs only to meet one of the identifiers for this level.  In fact, the Class IV is for anyone who doesn't qualify for a higher class."

"Absolutely brilliant!" shouted Mitt Romney.  "Not one damned iota bit different than what goes on today, and yet we can still call it a PLAN'!"

"Praise be to the Lord!" cried a smiling Mike Huckabee.

"I thought you'd all like it." grinned Nancy Pelosi.  "Yes, it can be called a 'plan', yet it maintains the status quo and keeps this issue alive and on the front burner forever if we like.  That can only be good for our campaign war chests."

"I'll say amen to that!" said Huckabee.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

South Carolina's God-Fearing Red State Family Values Folks!

C'mon now! this is getting pretty serious.

Aren't ANY of the good, God-fearing, Red State Republicans normal folks? Hey, I know everyone's been joking about it and all, but now I'm beginning to get pretty concerned:

First there's this new story about South Carolina Lt. Governor Andre Bauer. You know. The same one who will take over when disgraced SC Governor Mark Sanford is impeached, or has the decency and common sense to ever resign. Don't hold your breath on that though. Narcissism knows no limits, especially if God is on your side as he is with Mark Sanford according to himself. Oh but what the Hell. I suppose anyone named 'Andre' in SC has no choice except to be gay . . .?

Not that I think there's anything wrong with being gay - except perhaps if you constantly present yourself otherwise as an ardent, God-fearing, family values man who believes so strongly in the sanctity of marriage and sex - between a man and a woman only! (Where the hell does the Republican Party find these people anyway?)

But then, what about that God-fearing, family values gal, Kristin Maquire, who until a couple days ago was Chairwoman of the South Carolina State Board of Education and who, turns out has an alter ego; (Bridget Keeney - FAIR WARNING! THIS IS SOME HOT & NASTY STUFF!) writing some pretty smoky porn, such as one entitled, "Lauren's Masturbatory Musings." A girl after mine own heart that! All that other cynical, Christian hoopla and right-wingnut BS just turns me off, that's all. But, maybe it's a good thing for South Carolina Maquire had the good sense to resign 'due to family matters' though. Doesn't sound like such a good thing to have a head of the state board of education who doesn't believe in schools. Maquire has home schooled her own four children since day one.

But at least Maquire has the decency to do the right thing, unlike the governor who appointed her in the first place, one Mark Sanford, who apparently can't tell the difference between the Appalachian Trail and Argentinian Tail. It is apparent Governor Sanford couldn't recognize a right thing if it rose up and bit him square on his cheating-on-his-wife smarmy red ass.

Then there's the story about the other South Carolina guy who got video-taped and arrested for getting it on with a horse. Well, OK I guess that's kind of odd, but what's even odder was that he was already on probation for getting it on with a horse the year before - THE SAME DAMNED HORSE! Man, those South Carolina horses must be something! And, there's very little doubt in my mind about his political affiliations. After all, SC is one of the reddest of the red states. Can anyone spell "R-E-P-U-B-L-I-C-A-N"?

You just can't make this kind of fun and entertaining stuff up! What the hell are they smoking over there in SC anyway?

Pardon me.

I've got to go find a place to laugh my ass off somewhere.