Thursday, December 21, 2006

Past Time to Act


Dear Political Leader:

Americans have made arguably the most disastrous political mistake in our country’s history. This is now very obvious to anyone except perhaps the blindest political dogmatists.

We’ve abrogated unprecedented powers into the hands of a very obviously unfit president who is manifestly unqualified to handle them. The mistakes and disasters perpetrated by this man and his aides pile one on top of the other daily. George W. Bush is in total denial and out of touch with all reality. He ignores the advice of any and all knowledgeable experts. He invariably reverts to his own hidebound, faulty and twisted conclusions, which are consistently wrong and very often blatantly illegal. So far he has been allowed to do so.

The incalculable damage George W. Bush is causing will resonate down through succeeding generations of our nation’s children and grandchildren. Our political leaders of all persuasions, must step forth to fulfill the obligations of their offices, to preserve and protect our nation and people. Partisan dogma must not come before your sworn duties to our country.

This loose and dangerous cannon must be removed from any and all positions of authority and as quickly as possible. I call on you now as a patriotic American political leader to have the courage to step forth to discharge your sworn responsibilities to our nation and people.

I urge you to please act now! Delay now threatens the very foundations of our country and democracy.

Very Sincerely,

Your Constituent

(For the sake of our country, I urge all citizens to write or fax something similar to your senators and congressman)

Friday, December 15, 2006

Can My Mother Be A Lying Whore?

What if you awoke one morning to realize that your mother and your grandmother were nothing but lying whores and had been for decades? And, since the day you were born you had kept them on this shining pedestal in your mind. Would you be upset?

What if they even reluctantly admitted to being lying whores ‘well, maybe just a few times, but I only did so because I always had only your best interests foremost in mind." Would you still be upset?

Well yes, I am very upset! I am now finally, fully waking up to the fact that my country is nothing more than a big, fat, lying whore, and has been for decades. My very own country whose honor I have defended by force of arms and made many sacrifices for!

Let me lay out some of the dirty linen that causes me to feel this way. Some common threads run through these garments, and they are:

These things usually happened under Republican administrations (but, not invariably);

These things ALWAYS had CIA involvement - invariably;

The ultimate benefactor of these things is invariably “Corporatism”;

These things featured armed ‘death squads’ to deal ‘extralegally’ with opponents by means of summary executions;

The ultimate victims of these are always the common people and their rights;

The victim country usually sits on some sort of natural resource wealth;

“Defending against Communism” was always cited as the reason for US support of repressive, right wing regimes until the ‘defeat’ of communism. Afterwards, the boogeyman has been the ‘defeat of terrorism’.

The most disturbing aspect is that a popular, usually democratically elected government, is invariably replaced by a repressive, right wing government (often a dictatorship) which favors big money interest exclusively;

EXAMPLE: 1953, IRAN; Eisenhower administration: The CIA planned, sponsored and executed a coup to oust Iran’s Prime Minister Mohammad Mosaddeq's and install the repressive Reza Shah Pahlavi

EXAMPLE: 1954, GUATEMALA; Eisenhower administration: The CIA planned, sponsored and executed a coup to oust the populist & democratically elected government of Jacabo Arbenz Guzman and install the repressive Castillo Armas as dictator. The United Fruit Company was the corporate instigator of the coup as they controlled the railroads, electric utilities and most of the best land in the country. Over 200,000 people died in the aftermath of this coup.

EXAMPLE: 1959, CUBA; Eisenhower administration: Fidel Castro led a popular revolution to overthrow the repressive, right wing Fulgencio Batista regime supported by the mafia and big money interests in the US. Under Eisenhower, the CIA began a 45 year campaign to oust the Castro government which continues to this day. Castro ultimately embraced communism to successfully defend his country against the CIA sponsored attacks on his country.

EXAMPLE: 1973, CHILE; Nixon Administration: The CIA planned, sponsored and helped execute a coup to oust the democratically elected government of Salvadore Allende. Dictator Augusto Pinochet was installed and assumed draconian powers. Allende was murdered during the coup along with many aides. Under Pinochet’s rule thousands of his opponents ‘disappeared’. Henry Kissinger’s involvement resulted in an international warrant being issued for his arrest.

EXAMPLE: 1981, EL SALVADOR; Reagan administration: The CIA trained & sponsored ‘death squads’ to aid rich landowners maintain control over the peasantry. 75,000 killed;

EXAMPLE: 1982, Nicaragua; Reagan administration: The CIA sponsored a ‘revolution’ (which ultimately failed) using 'proxy terrorists' (Contras) against the popularly elected government of Daniel Ortega. Over 50,000 persons were killed.

EXAMPLE: 2002, Venezuela; GW Bush administration: The CIA instigated and sponsored a coup against the populist, democratically elected government of Hugo Chavez. The CIA defines the government as ‘technically legal’ but as a ‘democratically elected dictatorship’. The CIA coup was briefly successful but failed after two days. Chavez has since been a major thorn in the side of the US government, and particularly the GW Bush administration;

EXAMPLE: 2003, Iraq; GW Bush administration: The CIA has long been involved in Iraq, first as a friend to the Saddam Hussein dictatorship, and more recently as a counter to Islam influences. GW Bush’s administration used false excuses to mount a unilateral invasion of Iraq which then became a part of his ‘Global War On Terror’ which is ongoing. Perhaps as many as 700,000 and possibly more have now died;

EXAMPLE: 2004, HAITI; ; GW Bush administration: The involvement of the CIA, the IRI (International Republican Institute [John McCain]), and the NED (National Endowment for Democracy) ultimately resulted in the kidnap and removal from office of Haiti’s popularly and democratically elected president Juan-Bertrand Aristide. A repressive, right wing government with expatriate Gerard Latortue at it’s head now rules in his place.

And, of course there are many other examples too, both great and small, but the most common thread is the international war of US monied interests against the rights, freedoms and lives of the common people throughout the world. ECONOMIC domination is the ultimate and only real goal. "DEMOCRACY" is given plenty of lip service, and propagandized to the hilt. However the truth is in the actions my country actually does in the name of all of us.

And, that’s how my own country, that bulwark of freedom and standard bearer for democracy throughout the world, actually defends and dispenses democracy throughout the world!

Yes, I am very upset!

Other sources:

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

“A State of National Emergency”

Augusto Pinochet of Chile died on December 10,2006

Pinochet came to power in Chile in 1973 by overthowing the democratically elected government of Salvador Allende in a CIA sponsored coup d’etat when Richard Nixon was president of the US. Pinochet set up a draconian right-wing military dictatorship which lasted from 1973 until 1990. After 1990, Pinochet became 'Senator for Life' and head of the Chilean Army.

Salvador Allende was the first democratically elected socialist/marxist president in the world. Republican President Richard M. Nixon would not tolerate his prescence in the western hemisphere and sponsored multiple efforts to remove him from power culminating in Pinochet’s coup. Allende was killed during the coup. Pinochet claimed Allende ‘committed suicide’ (by shooting himself multiple times with a machine gun). Many of Allende’s aides were executed during and shortly after the coup d’etat.

Following the coup thousands of Pinochet opponents ‘disappeared’ forever as Pinochet’s military junta consolidated rule with draconian, unilateral powers under a ‘state of national emergency’. State sponsored killings and torture became normalized under the junta which tolerated no opposition.

I wonder if a “State of Siege” or “National Emergency” is anything like a “Global War on Terror”?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

An Insane Presidency?

What can you do when your country's president is certifiable?

In the United States we have no method to address an insane president except to assess the his 'Inability' to discharge his duties. Impeachment is reserved for "Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors" - which seemingly will also fit this president in spades.

We can only hope the leaders of all political parties can and will find the courage to confront our current presidential insanity before it’s too late. George W. Bush, the omnipotent, all-knowing 'War President' is in total denial and has proven manifestly unable to accept any advice or opinions contrary to his own, no matter the source.

This From the San Francisco Chronicle:

‘Much of Washington is looking at President Bush as a man standing on quicksand in Iraq, refusing the branch offered by his father's friend to save his presidency and the country from a historic blunder.’

‘Bush looks at history, too. A day after the release of a grim assessment of the war by the Iraq Study Group, headed by James Baker, a close friend of Bush's father who served as secretary of state for President George H.W. Bush, and former Democratic Rep. Lee Hamilton, Bush conceded the need for tactical shifts, but he left it to those who follow him into the Oval Office to decide whether to leave Iraq.’

‘ "Will we have the resolve and confidence in liberty to prevail?" he asked. That question is "not going to face this government ... because we made up our mind. We've made that part clear. It'll face future governments. There will be future opportunities for people to say, 'Well, it's not worth it. Let's just retreat.' " ‘

Our War President is quickly losing even his most vociferous supporters:
‘ "Late Thursday, Oregon Sen. Gordon Smith, a Republican who voted for the war, became the latest member of the president's party to leave his side when he slammed the entire Iraq enterprise in a scathing Senate floor speech.’

‘ "I, for one, am at the end of my rope when it comes to supporting a policy that has our soldiers patrolling the same streets in the same way, being blown up by the same bombs day after day," Smith said. "That is absurd. It may even be criminal. I cannot support that anymore." ‘

Molly Ivins offers some very sage advice, saying "The first rule of holes is, when you find yourself in one, stop digging." Because of Bush's implacably stubborn stupidity, he is now certain to go into history as our nation's biggest presidential fool ever, leaving his horrendous mess for others to clean up. Trouble is, many of our young people will continue to die because of his insane, sophomoric hubris.

Let us hope saner heads can somehow prevail to get this madman removed from power and into prison where he belongs. Perhaps there he can receive the therapy he needs.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

The Neo-Conservative Coup in the United States

The United States has three branches of government, namely the executive branch, the legislative branch and the judicial branch. The theory is that each branch of government has it’s own separate powers and acts as a check on the others, thereby insuring that no particular group may gain overall control. No one ever foresaw that the three branches might one day act in concert to indiscriminately discard American values and freedoms in wholesale lots.

However history will now show that in the year 2000, Neo-conservatives in the US engineered a ‘coup’ by means of a de facto consolidation of nearly complete power in the executive branch. This was accomplished first by judicial interference in the presidential election of 2000 which effectively abrogated the wishes of a majority of voters in the country to install the losing candidate in office. The further consolidation of powers was then greatly aided by a friendly majority in Congress eager to give the new president everything he wanted.

Cowed by the consolidation of power, a fearful and complacent media quickly fell in with the party line. By doing so the media defaulted in their historically resposible traditional role as mitigators of policy and events. Major media thereby made themselves little more than lap dogs and cheer leaders for the administration.

Then along came 9/11, one of America’s greatest tragedies in history. But it was also a political windfall for the executive branch which quickly capitalized on the paranoia and fear of many Americans. And, at first most Americans were grateful, feeling the country had a ‘strong and decisive’ leader to steer the country through the perils of uncertainty and perceived danger. Even the president’s opponents quickly fell in line to support him.

It soon became apparent to many however, that the administration had seized on this golden opportunity to further consolidate their grip on power, Suspicions that lies, fraud and deceit had been freely employed by the administration soon proved to be established fact. Nonetheless, the president’s hold on power was now so strong he could, and did, demand the most unreasonable of power and control in his broadly and heroically proclaimed “Global War on Terror”, and he established himself as the “War President”. The American president surrounded himself with willing sycophants who parroted his line no matter what. Those who did not agree soon left the administration.

It did not seem to matter that the administration freely violated international laws, constitutionally guaranteed rights or employed torture in their 'war' campaign. All criticism from home and abroad was summarily dismissed as ‘irrelevant’ as the administration led our country into a foreign policy debacle which will have consequences for decades if not generations. Civil rights and limitations on dictatorial powers first promised in the Magna Carta nearly 800 years ago are being ignored wholesale. Basic rights achieved for all Americans by our founding fathers over 230 years ago are now airily dismissed as ‘not consistent with national security’.

There has been little restraint on this president or his administration. Nothing is ever heard from either the judicial or legislative branches of government except even more support for the executive. The president does as he and he alone decides and sees fit, rightly or wrongly, and mostly he’s been egregiously wrong. The US Congress has abdicated to him the total and complete power to make war at his whim, and he appears to be a very whimsical individual indeed when it comes to war.

Although it is now glaringly apparent the president has been nearly 100% wrong since 9/11 and throughout these conflicts, the few voices raised in opposition are most notable for their loneliness, and as cries in the wilderness. The almost complete, and resounding silence is the defining mark of the abdications of all responsibility by the other two branches of government. Few persons from either the legislative branch or the judicial branch have the courage or willingness to fulfill their responsibilities.

This Congress and this court will go down in history as the most ineffective, and worst in history - the ones who gave away our hard won rights and freedoms. They will not be alone however, as they will be accompanied by this president. Today our country is surely and sorely in dire need of our wise, heroic and courageous leaders from the past!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The Intellectual Presidency

Secretary of Defense nominee Robert Gates told a senate confirmation committee hearing today that the US is ‘not winning’ the war in Iraq. Gates said, "What we are now doing is not satisfactory." When asked directly by Senator Carl Levin if the US was winning the war, Gates replied: "No, sir."

"Our course over the next year or two will determine whether the . . . next President of the US will face a slowly but steadily improving situation in Iraq and in the region or will face the very real risk, and possible reality, of a regional conflagration." he said.

When reporters asked President Bush about Gates’ remarks before the committee, he responded, “Huh! How’s about that? I sure didn’t know that. Rummy and Uncle Dick are always telling me how good things were going over there in Eye- rack and just to let them handle things. I had no idea - I mean I heard some rumors and stuff but you know how that is. Say, you haven’t seen my Ipod have you? I don’t know what I did with that thing - maybe one of those darned twins grabbed mine.”

“Anyhow listen, that’s how come I been talkin’ about ‘stayin’ the course and all that, ‘specially since Unka Dick told everyone the war was in the final throes and all a while back. I mean I figured he knew what was going on, ya know? Lookit, you’re supposed to listen to your advisors and top people doncha? Now, where is that Ipod?”

One reporter persisted in questioning why the president didn’t have a better grasp of the situation in that war torn country saying, “Mr. President, with all due respect, just about everyone else in the country has been well aware the war is going badly and our losses are mounting . Don’t you pay attention to the daily briefings and stay up to date on vitally important things like that?”

“No sir I don’t,” said Bush. “Unka Dick and Rummy was handling all that stuff so’s I won’t be bothered with it. I turned it all over to them ‘cause they’re ‘sposed to be the experts. That’s what us presidents do you know, we delegate. Sure, I’ve seen some of those alarmist TV reports and heard a few rumors and all that, but you know how that liberal dominated media is. Karl and them try to keep me shielded from all that stuff so I can concentrate on being President.”

“Heck, they say even the homeless people and bag ladies probably know more about that war from reading week old wet newspapers than I do. Guess you could call me ‘informationally challenged’ since I don’t have time to read anything unless it’s condensed down to easy words and has lot’s of pictures and all. I’m the War President you know and I’m pretty busy. Now, where did that thing get to?”

“But, Rummy though, he was ‘sposed to know better. If he hadn’t resigned I’d a probably had to fire the old boy if Unka Dick told me to.”

The above is satire and a parody - except some of the quotes are verbatim!

Monday, December 04, 2006

An Unbelievable Administration of Tyranny

Man, oh man, oh man.

Who would believe this could ever happen in our country - the good ol’ US of A, that bastion of freedom and democracy and ‘innocent until proven guilty’?

Who can believe that our own US government now acts terrifyingly like Darth Vadar’s minions on the Galactic Empire’s Death Star? Who can believe that our version of the Galactic Empire now apparently has no compunction with torture, illegal imprisonment, violation of the most basic of human rights and outright contempt for constitutional guarantees of freedom?

If you want to get your knickers all knotted up, just take a look at the present “Dark Side of the Force” as exemplified by the current administration’s campaign against one Jose Padilla, an American citizen born in Brooklyn, NY.

Padilla was arrested as he stepped off an airplane in Chicago on May 8, 2002 as a 'material witness'. Then, on June 9, 2002, two days before District Court Judge Michael Mukasey was to issue a ruling on the validity of continuing to hold Padilla under the material witness warrant, President Bush issued an order to Secretary Rumsfeld to detain Padilla as an "enemy combatant," and Padilla was transferred to a military brig in South Carolina without any notice to his attorney or family - and thereafter held incommunicado for almost two years.

Padilla has been held - illegally according to legal scholars and the US Supreme Court - since his arrest. He was denied access to legal counsel for almost two full years. Then, when it looked like he would have to be released, the administration in a 'legal maneuver' (talk about your oxymorons!) changed course and had him indicted as a ‘civilian' by a Florida grand jury for alleged crimes totally different from those he was being held for by the military.

General info and history of the Padilla case can be found here. Even the arch conservative Cato Institute has compellingly serious issues with the Padilla case.

And, if you think you have the stomach for it, have a look at this article from the NY Times of today. It does not matter if Padilla is innocent or guilty - no human being should be treated this way under our constitutional 'guarantees'. If the government has the evidence, the man should stand trial. If they have only suspicions and suppositions, he must be released. For otherwise, there could stand you or I at the whim of this administration.

James Madison, in Federalist No. 47, put it most succinctly: "The accumulation of all powers, legislative, executive, and judiciary, in the same hands ... may justly be pronounced the very definition of tyranny."

We must free our country from the yoke of it's present tyranny, whatever it takes.

Rumsfeld Still Player on Defense

Rumsfeld may still be running defense behind the scenes

Washington, DC 12/4/06 (Rioters News Service) President Bush addressed the issue of the Iraq war today in a morning press conference which was also attended by former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld.

The president said he is seriously considering several recommendations made by Rumsfeld concerning the war. Rumsfeld recommended a ‘major adjustment’ in Iraq saying current actions are ‘not working well enough or fast enough.” Rumsfeld made his recommendations in a memo published Sunday in the New York Times.

“I realize that Rummy has been wrong about the war pretty much 100% of the time so far.” said Bush. “But lookit see, that’s really to our advantage. Just by the pure laws of averages he’s bound to get something right sooner or later. And, I’m betting on this being the time.”

“And that congressional bi-partisan study group on the war is just that.” the president said. “A study group, like a bible study group. We won’t be paying any attention to them since we already know best and can't let ourselves be distracted by any of those smarty pants so-called experts.”

When awakened for questioning during the press conference, Rumsfeld fleshed out his earlier memo with several additional comments. “For one thing,” said Rumsfeld, “you can’t allow the enemy to get the idea he’s got you on the run, even if you actually are on the run and well on the way to losing your war. You’ve got to make the enemy believe you’re in it for the long haul even if it’s costing you billions of dollars and thousands of American lives. That’s an imperative. Planning doesn’t have a thing to do with it. That’s what has always driven our war policy so far.”

“In fact if we have to,” the former secretary went on to say just before he went back to sleep, “we need to throw even more billions of dollars and thousands more lives at this war. It is vital to keep our war profiteers happy too you know as they are very important cogs in our war machine. We will not allow ourselves to be held accountable simply due to the lack of equipment, or armor, or ammunition or anything else. You fight a war with the army you have you know, not the army you wish you have.”

When reporters questioned Rumsfeld’s handling of the war and the downward spiraling turn the war seems to have taken under his leadership, he flared at them asserting that he did what he believed to be right saying, "I believe what I said yesterday. I don't know what I said, but I know what I think, and, well, I assume it's what I said, and needless to say, the President is correct. Whatever it was he said."

President Bush said he had “the fullest of confidence in Rumsfeld’s war doctrine and always had and always would.” He remarked, “I am well known for being loyal to my own staff and people even if it kills thousands of our young American men and women. After all what are our military cannon fodder for if you can’t use them up and waste them in battle when you need to? It’s not like it’s our own children fighting the war after all.”

Bush disclosed that he will himself become involved in personal diplomacy in the middle east as a new ‘ presidential strategedy’.

“I will use my widely recognized verbal and people skills to bring all the contentious parties together. I know my talents will prevail in the long run and eventually and sooner or later. To show my personal bravery, I will put my own safety on the line to accomplish this mission, just so long as those filthy ragheads are willing to come to Washington and undergo a strip & complete body cavity search so we can disarm them before letting them off the airplane.” the president said. ”As you know, I respect all parties in this conflict. I am a uniter and not a divider.”

Press secretary Tony Snow closed the meeting early so that the President could make a previously scheduled tee time with oil company executives.

The above story is satire and a complete parody on current events.
Many of the quotes however, are verbatim!

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Alaska's governor Misbehaves to the Last

The Red State of Alaska's Governor Frank Murkowski Abuses His Constituent's Trust Until the Last Possible Moment!

“Frank never saw a tree he didn’t want to cut, an acre he didn’t want to mine or a drop of oil he didn’t want to pump.” That’s what they say about Alaska’s outgoing Republican governor Frank Murkowski who leaves office on Monday December 4, 2006. Murkowski who spent 21 years in the US senate before retiring to run for governor four years ago is widely known for his ‘development, development at any cost’ stance. He has been an avid supporter of any large scale development project almost no matter what or where. Very little else seems as important to him.

So, perhaps it’s no coincidence that before the last election he carried the second lowest approval rating of any US governor (21% as compared to Robert Taft, Republican of Ohio’s 19”). Perhaps it’s also no coincidence he finished third in a three-way race for the the Republican nomination for governor for the next term either. Now, he’s just an exceedingly lame duck has-been who will leave office having failed pretty much across the board as governor. Suspicion is that he had it his way so long as a senator that when he was faced with actually doing something, like running a state, he failed miserably.

Several notable acts Murkowski is noted for: 1): The nepotism of appointing his own daughter to fill the remainder of his senate term on his retirement from the senate, and, 2): Ramming thru the purchase by the state of a jet aircraft for his use over the objections of the Department of Homeland Security, Alaska’s state legislature, and the opinions of the people of the state, and 3): His support for two infamous ‘bridges to nowhere’ in Alaska, so-called budgetary ‘Earmark” items to be paid for by the taxpayers of the United States. It may also be no coincidence that one of the bridges will exponentially increase the value of 30 acres of land owned by the governor’s wife on an island near Ketchikan. In fact, Murkowski is so determined that bridge will be built he has already directed the state to award the contract for ‘approach roads’ to access the bridge from the island end.

But maybe nothing is so iconic and emblematic of Franks’s pigheaded obstinacy as his last minute effort to award a contract to build a road north of Juneau. He admits the main purpose of the $30 million road is to benefit a privately owned gold mine. The mine projects a working life of ten years and will employ 225 persons. The state of Alaska will spend $133,333,33 of taxpayer money for each and everyone one of those private industry jobs, or $13,333,33 per job per year.

In order to bring the cost of the road down to the state’s budget it was necessary to omit two bridges and convert the the specifications for the road to a gravel ‘pioneer’ road 18’ wide. Thus the state will end up with $30 Million dollars worth of three disconnected gravel road segments in the wilderness - over which two lawsuits have already been filed and with more sure to come.

Just what part of ‘running a state for the benefit of the citizens’ does the governor not get? And, with 'friends' like Frank running things, who can afford any enemies?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

George W. Bush Successfully Cloned

Washington, DC, 11/10/06: Scientists today announced the first known cloning of a Human being. Due to the highly controversial nature of this experimental process, the tests were done in a secret location in rural Maryland. "We knew this was theoretically possible." said a spokesman for the cloning team. "But, it's an understatement to say we are blown away by the final results."

In a bombshell announcement specialists also revealed the donor for the clone was none other than US President George W. Bush. Experts on cloning were astonished that the president agreed to be the donor as 'he is so dead set against stem cell research and very idea of cloning.' in the words of one expert.

However, a member of the medical team said Bush likely wished to leave behind a better personal legacy to offset the disaster he's made of his presidency. "President Bush also feels that his participation in this experiment will help moderate the hatred felt for him from all other political spectrums. He must be applauded for his courage." he said.

Another major surprise is the surrogate mother chosen to carry the cloned fetus to term was Ann Coulter, the well known radical right wing columnist. "Her reputation needed quite a bit of help too." said a spokesman. "And, why not kill two birds with one stone? In fact, Ms. Coulter made an excellent surrogate after extensive treatment for her bulimia and obvious emaciation."

But, the experts saved the major bombshell for last when they unveiled the tiny new baby. The cloning team said ultrasounds prior to birth had already revealed the baby would likely be very unusual. However they were completely unprepared for what they saw when Ms. Coulter gave birth.
"During the delivery, we were speechless to see a healthy, fully developed, and very lovable Beagle puppy emerge!" said a team member. "We thought there must be some mistake or some bad joke somehow, but extensive testing indicates the baby is an exact clone of George W. Bush, down to his personality and verbal abilities."

"Tests indicate the DNA is an exact match. At this point we simply do not understand how this came to be." "As you can imagine we are doing all sorts of additional testing and undoubtedly will discover exactly what occurred. Mother and baby are both doing just fine, although Ms. Coulter has needed a great deal of continuing encouragement to keep her breast feeding the baby."

President Bush has not been seen in public since the birth of the clone and has had no announcement. Presidential spokesman Tony Snow claimed to know nothing about the cloning remarking, "It might be like all those missing WMDs - just figments of the imagination."

This article is entirely satire and a figment of the imagination!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

VP Cheney Member of Gay Hunt Club

Casper, Wyoming 11/11/06 (Rioters News Service): It was publicly disclosed today that VP Richard Cheney is a member of a secretive Wyoming gay hunting club. The extraordinary news was disclosed during a court trial for club member charged with male prostitution under Wyoming law.

The accused 'named names' during the trial to show there were many socially elite members in the club. Many well-known and socially prominent names were brought out in open court and first among them was the Vice President's.

Cheney, after first denying the assertion, finally admitted to belonging to the club after the court issued a subpoena for the club's membership list. Cheney later stated, "Well, a lot of my friends belonged to the club and you understand of course I had no idea the club had any gay members - not that it would have mattered." However, it was later disclosed that Cheney was an original charter member of the club who call themselves the 'Long, Hard Rifles'.

"Heck, we always had lots of fun on our outings. And, I never shotgunned a single person either!" said the Vice President with a wry, disarming chuckle in an apparent reference to his earlier shooting of longtime friend Harry Whittington during a Texas Quail hunting outing in February, 2006.

When asked where the club hunted and the types of game they sought however, Cheney seemed at a distinct loss for answers. After trying several times to change the subject but always being pinned down by persistent reporters, Cheney reluctantly admitted the 'hunting trips' were usually held in upscale spas throughout the far west. He grudgingly named several locations reputed to pander to the gay life style.

"Well, we never exactly hunted any actual game, although we certainly would. We were more of a social club you know. But we always insisted on having roast Pronghorn Antelope and Buffalo on the menu and a good wine list." he said with a embarrassed grin. "All our members prefer their creature comforts and like to live large."

Cheney hotly denied that President Bush was a member and said he only came along as a guest 'just a few times'. Bush himself was unavailable for comment and his spokesman claimed no knowledge of any such trips by Bush.

The Vice President's wife refused to comment but their daughter was willing to talk to reporters. She laughed, "Yes, that sounds just like Pops all right: 'Just listen to what I say - facts don't matter!' "

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Maybe the Sky Really is Falling!

I don't want to go around like Chicken Little crying "The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling!" but the direction the country is being driven today is pretty upsetting. The ones manning the helm can only shout "Stay The Course" and they maintain their grip on power using their tried and true recourse to scare tactics. And why not? That's certainly worked great so far.

"America Under Attack" TV news graphic from "The Power of Nightmares" a 3-part documentary produced by the BBC and broadcast October 20, 2004. This series details how the Bush Administration used fear to frighten Americans and the world.

When Bush first occupied the White House I was pretty disturbed by how he got there, but figured it was an aberration which could and would be corrected in the next election. I remember a friend telling me at the time it was the best thing that could happen since the country would soon know what Neocons were all about and as a result we'd soon be rid of them as a political force forever. Boy, were we ever wrong!

Along came 9/11 which consolidated their power and enabled them to run roughshod over everything. I've kept saying to myself there's no way our country could ever fall victim to what amounted to a 'coup', but now I'm not so sure.

A lot of folks get upset to hear it said, but there are many eerie parallels to the way the Neocons took over the nation's administration and the way the Nazis gained control of Germany in the early 30's. Nazism is essentially only a more militant form of the Corporatism we have in the US today - which more and more eerily resembles Nazism every day.

It's actually pretty darned scary:

Above is an image of the "Cathedral, or Tower of Light", composed of powerful searchlights displayed during Nazi ceremonies in 1936 in Nuremberg, Germany. There were several similar Nazi displays around that time.

This is something called a "Tribute In Light" displayed in Manhatten on 9/11/2006

Maybe it's not too late - maybe there's still time and the forces of reason and democracy are yet persuasive and powerful enough to swing the pendulum back. I am pinning a lot of hopes on next week's elections. If afterwards it turns out that the Neocons have stolen the elections again, it will be time for the rest of us to take to the streets by the millions as we've seen citizens in other countries do - and if there's enough backbone left in our people.

And, this is one called "Tower of Light" at the site of the Twin Towers on 9/11/2006.

If we are not able to take back our country I fear we are on an inexorable road to eventual violent revolution in the US which could last for decades. I sure hope I am wrong for the sake of my children and grandchildren.

For a chilling take on how others view one of the draconian new powers handed over to Bush and his bunch have a look at the video HERE. This will definitely give you some perspective!

And honestly, I must admit I entirely fail to see why we 'celebrate' such an event as 9/11/2001!

"All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing."

-- Edmund Burke

Monday, October 30, 2006

How red is your state?

How red is your state - and, should you be proud if it is?

States where those who identify themselves as ‘conservatives’ (sometimes AKA “Neocons”) predominate are known as “Red States”.

According to them, the liberals, social radicals and moral degenerates predominate in the so-called “Blue States” and are the authors of all the evil that exists in our country and across the globe.

“Conservatives’ as they define themselves like to be known as defenders of morality and good and decency and civilization as we know it.

They tell us conservative Republicans are the only ones standing between American values and degeneracy and moral ruin.

They claim to protect us all - whether we want their protections or not - from insidious contamination by liberals and Democrats.

They man the mighty ramparts of religion against the onslaughts of liberality and all other evil.

They tell us if only they can root out all the liberals and other moral degenerates our democracy will be safe.

But, if one takes the trouble to turn the rock over under which these ‘conservatives’ dwell, another not-so-pretty picture begins to emerge.

A recent article in Vanity Fair by James Wolcott paints a graphic and more disturbing mural of their reality, much at odds with ‘conservative’ claims. I present some of Vanity Fair’s graphics here for your edification. (Click on images to expand):

Some states are very preeminent in legally killing more of their citizens . . .

Certain color states put a higher percentage of their citizens in jail than others . . .

Certain color states seem to need to incarerate more women than others . . .

Deaths by firearms seem to be concentrated in certain states . . .

Some states take the lead in gambling or 'gaming' as it is euphemistically termed in Godly places . . .

Certain color states lead in fat heads . . . and that refers to head sizes, not smarts!

Certain states seem to lead in suicides . . .

Guess which color states seem to be leaders in numbers of divorces per 1000?

Many states breed more illegitimate children than others . . .

But, then there are those blue state folks who are apparently overeducated . . .

Friday, October 27, 2006

An Interview with Attorney General of the U.S. Alberto Gonzales

An Interview with Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General of the United States:

Interviewer: Yes sir Mr. Attorney General. I'd like to ask you a few questions if I may about the new Border Fence Act of 2006 just signed by President Bush.

Attorney General Gonzales: Thank you. Fire away. But I must ask you to be brief as I have a very busy schedule this morning.

Interviewer: Yes sir. Sir, I wanted to ask you if you had any personal feelings about the fence since you are of Mexican heritage yourself?

Attorney General Gonzales: Yes I am of Mexican heritage but I'd ask you to keep in mind that I am second generation and my family has Castilian roots. That puts my family several notches above your common Mestizo wetback. One of the proudest moments of my life was to finally be treated like an equal by our President.

Interviewer: Well, I'm surprised to hear you put it that way sir. Aren't both Mexico and the United States democracies, without class distinctions?

Attorney General Gonzales: Well yes and no. Yes, we are both democracies, and the reality is of course there ARE class distinctions. For example in Mexico you have your folks with Castilian roots and then your Mestizo, and of course here in the US your folks with money and power, like Republicans, and then you have your blacks, your Mestizo wetbacks and always of course a lot of your poor white trash.

Interviewer: Yes sir. But back to the fence. Do you support the fence and do you believe it will help the illegal immigrant situation?

Attorney General Gonzales: Yes, I support the fence. Just the notion of it should help the Republican Party considerably. But, it's not like we're gonna be funding it or anything. Just the idea of it really appeals to the poor white trash who are our main voting base. They can't stand the idea of those poor wetbacks coming into the country and taking jobs they're too lazy to do themselves. It won't do much to stop illegals though. They'll probably just tunnel under as they do now.

Interviewer: Well, if it's not going to be funded, how will it ever be built?

Attorney General Gonzales: Well, that's the beauty of it see? There's volunteer groups out there just clamoring to build it, and already raising private money to build the thing. For example there's an outfit calling themselves the 'Minuteman Civil Defense Corps' raising money like mad. They're your run of the mill far Right Wing militia zealots of course and need keeping an eye on, but they are raising funds. And, don't forget the militias are a big constituent part and backbone of the Republican base.

Interviewer: Will the fence get built then?

Attorney General Gonzales: Well no, it probably won't ever be built but that's not what matters. What matters is that we give it great lip service and just get it started. That'll give Republicans a leg up for the upcoming election. After that it won't matter and if it does come back up again we'll always blame the Democrats for blocking it. It's not like our voting base has a long term memory or anything. It's a win-win-win all the way around!

Interviewer: Well Mr. Attorney General, how are you viewing the overall security of our country these days?

Attorney General Gonzales: The country's in great danger at home and abroad. There's a bogeyman everywhere you look and Republicans are the only ones standing between evil and harm to our country. We've just gotten great new weapons to help us, thanks to our Republican controlled Congress. As you know, fear is what keeps Republican in power. May it always be so!

Interviewer: I guess you're referring to the recent Military Commissions Act which abolishes Habeas Corpus and allows torture of prisoners?

Attorney General Gonzales: Well, I wouldn't put it exactly that way, but yes, there are new arrows in our quiver. Since the Supreme court threw out our earlier weapons we desperately needed the MCA which gives us the tools to fight the Global War On Terror.

Interviewer: As White House Counsel and later as Attorney General of the United States you have encouraged the President in the use of torture, the suspension of Habeas Corpus, and the secret rendition of prisoners. Don't you feel that may be viewed as stepping beyond the bounds of your sworn duty to uphold the laws?

Attorney General Gonzales: Listen. This is a Global War On Terror! We need all the tools we can get to fight this war. Our own violations of stupid laws become secondary.

Interviewer: But, it's not just against the law! A lot of what is happening is also unconstitutional!

Attorney General Gonzales: Unconstitutional is what we say it is. Violations of the law are what we say they are. We're in control! When you're in control you make your own laws and rules! We're the greatest power on earth today.

Interviewer: But you are granting an illegal power to the President, and to his administration, which goes far beyond anything in the past. Aren't you concerned about too much power - about a dictatorship?

Attorney General Gonzales: This President has only the country's best interest in mind. If this were some other President like Clinton for example, yes, I would be worried. But Republicans are the only real Americans left. All those Democrats and liberals are just a bunch of pinko commies we're eventually going to have to deal with in some fashion and in due course - and we will if we can just stay in power long enough.

Interviewer: The US is receiving a great deal of international condemnation because of our internationally illegal actions. Aren't you worried that will hurt the United States?

Attorney General Gonzales: Listen, we're the most powerful nation on earth. If those other nations were - and I emphasize the word 'IF' - if they were ever strong enough to go toe to toe with the US militarily I might be a little more concerned. Until then we're gonna have things our way and as long as this President is in charge.

Interviewer: But aren't you worried we'll be viewed as oppressors, and other nations will get together to resist us? After all, history is full of cases where people and nations got tired of being ruled by someone else and eventually all got together to defeat their oppressors.

Attorney General Gonzales: I'd be careful if I were you! You're getting awfully close to the line! Don't forget I AM the Attorney General. You can't go around calling the US an oppressor! You cross over that line and your ass is mine!

Interviewer: Yes sir. Now sir. Sorry sir. I?m not calling anybody anything. I don't personally want to get defined as a threat somehow. I'm only asking questions.

Attorney General Gonzales: Well, I'm warning you! Be careful! You're getting pretty damned close to being an Unlawful Enemy Combatant and possibly giving aid and comfort to our enemies.

Interviewer: Sir, I'd just like to ask you about your sworn duties as Attorney General.

Attorney General Gonzales: Yes?

Interviewer: Well sir. As Attorney General aren't you sworn to uphold all the laws of the United States? How can ignore certain laws, or advise the President to ignore laws he doesn't like?

Attorney General Gonzales: I’ve already told you, the law is what I say it is!

Interviewer: Yes sir. But the written law, the laws passed by Congress and signed by previous Presidents are being routinely ignored! Basic and long-standing traditional constitutional rights are being routinely violated. How can it be that the Attorney General of the United States, duty bound and sworn to uphold those laws can . . . . . .

Attorney General Gonzales: (Interrupting) We're bound by no laws signed by any previous presidents! Especially any signed by some damned pinko Democrat!

Interviewer: But sir! Those are laws passed by the United States Congress. You can't . . . .
Attorney General Gonzales: (Interrupting) Don't try to tell me I can't! By God that does it!
You've finally crossed the line! I hereby declare you an Unlawful Enemy Combatant and a terrorist danger to the United States!

Interviewer: But, please, Mr. Attorney General Gonzales! I'm just a reporter working for my newspaper to get an interview and news story! I'm no danger to the United States and I certainly am not a terrorist or an enemy combatant . . .

Attorney General Gonzales: (Interrupting) Silence! You are what I say you are! And I say you are an Unlawful Enemy combatant and terrorist and you will now be dealt with accordingly!

Interviewer: But please sir!. I need to call my lawyer and my employer, and my wife! Please don't do this to me sir!

Attorney General Gonzales: Too late for you boyo! I told you to be silent! You're calling no one! You're out of here! We'll have no more of your damned seditious attitude and giving aid and comfort to the enemy! Anything you try to say or do now only hurts your case more. I doubt you'll ever see daylight again as it is!


NOTE: The above is a parody of what might and could happen under the present system in the United States of America today . . . .

Monday, October 23, 2006

Stay The Curse!

When I was a kid and you went to the movies you always knew deep inside that no matter how bad it got, how many bad guys were out there, no matter how hopeless the situation looked, you always knew the good guys in the white hats were gonna pull it out.

It might be at the last possible minute, but the good guys always won in the movies. Maybe there was a law or something back then, or maybe it was just the times, but no matter what, when you left that Saturday matinee you felt satisfied that good, and right, and wholesome had triumphed once again. The good but humble cowboy smiled at the pretty girl and kissed his horse and rode off into the sunset.

But for the past five or six years in our country it has looked awfully like the early parts of those old cowboy movies. You know the parts where the evil, snarly bandit/lying horse thief/cattle rustler/no good dry-gulcher terrorized the church women and had their way with the little cattle town, or poor rancher, or kindly old farmer, or hard working widow woman, or threadbare preacher or whatever. Of course the pretty daughter was obligatory too. Only in our late nightmare, it has sure seemed the bad guys held all the cards and power and there are no pretty daughters in sight.

The current bad guys control the entire government, from the White House on down. Their minions control the media machines, the big rapacious corporations and banks, and even most of the preachers are propagandizing for them in a maniacal and overweening fit of ascendancy. Often it seems their unrestrained power reaches orgiastic levels. Truth is what they said it is, and hang all reality.

The entire country has been full of bad guys every where you looked. Liars, corrupt politicians, schemers, con men, ruthless plunderers and philanderers. But, just like in the movies maybe you still keep this faint hope, this lonely, forlorn yearning that somehow, sometime, goodness will finally prevail against all the evil doers and triumph yet one more time.

And just like in the old cowboy movies, evil is at last once again imploding in upon itself. Like a merciless landslide, the transgressions of the bad guys are now reaching such an ominously critical mass for them, they have begun to avalanche down on the evil doers like so many megatons of inexorable rubble.

The corruption, the lies, the deceit, and the overreaching evil is now destroying those who would destroy the democratic foundations of our nation. The bad guys are running frantically for cover and turning upon each other like frantic rats. Like a cracked and stuck record, their leaders continue to repeat the same things over and over, but the world now tunes them out and hears them no more. And, when they do try to change their tune they only demonstrate their perfidy and hollowness all the more.

Thus for example, you have the spectacle of the current President of the United States claiming with a straight face there has never been any policy of “Stay the Course” in Iraq. Forget those are the actual words he himself has used on many occasions!


I mean, does our President really think we the people are that stupid? Most obviously!

The good guys are finally winning! Maybe we will in the end be able to STAY THE CURSE!

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Bush II War Planning

* (Click on the image above to expand)

The Bush II administration has been widely criticized for lack of planning, or for having no plan at all the the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. However, there is no truth to those assertions.

Very formalized plans are now coming to light through undisclosed sources who wish to remain anonymous. In fact, both wars are proceeding in close accordance with generic war flow charts prepared prior to Bush II ever taking office.

Much criticism is directed at the lack of any war exit strategies, but as these charts demonstrate there is a very clear exit strategy for each war.

Within the inner circles of this administration these exit strategies are known as the “BABU” Strategies, an acronym for “Blame Anyone But Us”.

Whatever you call things, this chart will lay to rest once and for all any doubts about lack of planning for these wars.

Friday, October 20, 2006

Too Much Damned Truth Tellin'!

A very upset and angry President George W. Bush stomped into the small White House room where his senior advisor Karl Rove was getting one of his twice daily body massages. Bush flopped down on the couch with the presidential spokesdog Barney. He was so upset he was visibly trembling.

“Dammit, Turd-blossum!” said Mr. Bush. “Things are just gettin’ out of hand and you gotta fix it!”

“All right Junior,” said Mr. Rove as he daintily and carefully wiped oil from his wrists with kleenex. “What do you want me to do for you?”

“Well, dammit Karl, you’re just gonna have to do something! There’s ‘way too much truth-telling goin' on around here these days. It’s bad enough the Republican Party is in the biggest freaking meltdown in political history. But now, you have all these bozos coming out of the woodwork a-tellin’ the truth an’ all, and there’s no tellin’ where that’s gonna take us or how it's gonna reflect on me either! You’ve just gotta put a stop to it and I mean right damned now!”

“Well, OK Junior. Just which bozos are you referring to?”

“Hell, I’m a-talkin’ about damned near all a them!” screamed Bush. “I mean the last one was that there army general what’s his name. General Major, I mean Major General Caldwell who’s supposed to be our military expert and spokesman on the ground there in Eye-Rack. He just hauled off and said we are being counterproductive, whatever in the hell that means! The press is all over it for Christ’s sake! We cain’t stand no damned more truth-tellin’!”

“Hell, the SOB even said our last crackdown in Eye-Rack is a freaking failure! And Karl, you know how I hate that word ‘failure’ doncha? Ever since folks found out what turned up when they did an internet search for that word what turned up. Dammit, cain’t I depend on any damned body any more?”

“OK Junior,” said Rove diplomatically. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Do hell!” Screamed Bush. “I want you to put a damned stop to it! This has gone ‘way too far. What the hell do you think this is going to do to my legacy as President?”

“Well Junior,” commented Rove. “I think your presidential legacy is pretty much already set in stone and there’s no way anyone can damage it any more. I wouldn’t worry myself anymore about that.”

Bush’s eyes spun in his head as he shouted, “Dammit Turd-Blossum! All this damned truth-tellin’ is the freaking reason! I mean just look at all the damage! First, way back when you had that damned White House Budget Advisor Lawrence Lindsey claiming the Iraq war could cost over $200 billion all at the same time Rumsfeld was saying it was lot’s less than $50 billion. We fired that sumbitch Lindsey the same day for that damned bit of truth-tellin’ and that put the fear o’ God in the rest of ‘em. That’s what I mean!”

“And at least some folks like Colin Powell got the hell out of the administration without gettin’ into the truth-tellin’ game. Where’s that kinda loyalty today?”

“Well, I already said I’d see what I can do Junior.” said Rove calmly. “I’ll go to work on it as soon as I get back from lunch between my massages.”

“Lunch, smunch you four-eyed fat-assed pervert!” screamed Bush. “Either you get started on this right-damned-now or I’m gonna fire your big fat ass!”

Now showing some temper himself, Rove said quite nastily, “I’m sorry Junior, but I don’t think so. You better take that up with Dick Cheney before you get hold of something you can’t handle. You just damned sure don’t want to go there.”

At that, Rove grabbed an orange from the nearby fruit bowl and hurled it at Bush’s head before heading back to the massage table shaking his head from side to side. "Tsk, tsk, tsk" he clucked.
“Nennh, nennh, nennh to you too you big fatty cakes!” sneered Bush as he grabbed the presidential spokesdog Barney and beat a hasty retreat back to the oval office.

Even Barney seemed a considerably nonplussed.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

What Planet Are These Guys From?

REALLY! What planet did they get these guys from and how did they ever get down here?

Do they actually believe people will continue to buy their fantasies?

VP Richard Cheney is NOT a popular American, maintaining as he does an even lower approval rating than George W. Bush. On 10/18/06 Cheney met with TIME MAGAZINE’S Mike Allen and James Carney in the sitting room of the Vice President's house in Washington to discuss the elections, Iraq and more.

INTERVIEWER'S QUESTION: What do you think a Democratic House would be like?

CHENEY: "Well, I don't expect that to happen. . . . . .One of the things I do talk about on the campaign trail is the importance of what we've been able to do with tax policy. . . . If Charlie Rangel (Democrat) were to be Chairman of the Ways and Means Committee, he would put at risk . . . .he would put at risk some of the best economic policy this nation has seen in a long time. It has produced phenomenal results for the economy."

(Could Cheney possibly be referring to giving a $500 billion tax break to the wealthiest Americans while dropping many vital public services - even health care for wounded veterans - and being responsible for the largest deficit in history? After the highest surplus in history? Or maybe he's referring to the stock market which has finally re-reached the high point it was prior to Bush taking office over six and one-half years ago, albeit with a dollar which has thoroughly depreciated since then?)

INTERVIEWER'S QUESTION: How long do you think it will be before the average American sees going to Iraq as a good idea?

(I confess. I had to snort with disbelief at this question - and almost choked myself!)

CHENEY: "That will all depend upon the final outcome. I think it's difficult to judge, . . . .I think we've done the right thing. I think we're doing the right thing now. I firmly believe that. The President firmly believes it."

(Really? Staying the course? That’s only digging a deeper hole! Even the senior generals - who actually have some war experience, almost universally say this is a fact.)

"It's going to be tough to finish the task, but I think it's very important that we complete the task."

(now that may well be true . . . but this administration is very obviously going to leave that up to their sucessors, and it looks like that may take even longer than the ten years wasted in Vietnam before Nixon finally decided to “Cut and Run”.

INTERVIEWER'S QUESTION: There's certainly a lot of talk in Washington that there will be a search for an exit strategy after the election.

CHENEY: "I know what the President thinks. I know what I think. And we're not looking for an exit strategy; we're looking for victory."

(Yeah right! They’ve been looking for that ever since ‘Mission Accomplished” over three years ago! Maybe they should try looking under the cabbage leaf. Trouble is “Staying the Course” is never going to produce it!)

INTERVIEWER'S QUESTION: Mr. Vice President, if you had to take back any one thing you'd said about Iraq, what would it be?

CHENEY: "I expressed the sentiment some time ago that I thought we were over the hump in terms of violence, I think that was premature. . ."

(God Almighty! Do tell!)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

An Interview with Alaska's Senator Stevens

Alaska’s senior Senator Ted Stevens watches with dismay the erosion of the gains made by Republicans over the past decade.

Declaring that Republicans had ‘unfinished business’ to attend to and the country would make a huge mistake to ‘let all this slip into the sea’, Stevens was unwavering about ‘staying the course’.

“Hmrmp, er, ah, I think and I oughta say . . just let me say that . . . What’s that?” said the Senator. “What’s that? Well, yes you can quote me on that.”

“And I can tell you this, and it won’t be for the first time either, aha, ah, ah, uh. No Sir! What I mean to say is by golly, I WILL RESIGN FROM THE SENATE before I’ll let that happen! I mean it too! Not like the last time I ah, ah said that . . . no, Sir.”

When asked by a reporter why the public should elect a Republican congress today, the Senator was adamant:

“Well by golly, just you ah look at what Republicans have done for the country since we’ve ah, er, er, ah, been in power. We’ve, we’ve, we’ve protected the country against ah, terrorism, uh, uh. And, we’re uh, uh, uh, gonna build a big fence to ah, ah, keep those illegal wetbacks, I mean spicks, I mean, ah, ah, aliens where they belong. We’re ah, uh, fighting a war in Eye-Rack, and uh, uh, what’s the name of that other place? Yeah, I mean ah, ah Afghan too, ah, ah.”

“And just you look at the economy! Under the Republicans the economy is ah, ah now all the way ah, ah, back to where it was six years, ah, ah, ago, when we took, ah, over the administration.”

“And, we’ve got that Patriot Act now which uh, ah, ah let’s, I mean helps, ah, us, ah, keep the liberals, I mean Democrats, I mean terrorists in . . . an’ gives us the weapons we need to protect the ah, the ah, the party . . . I mean the country - the nation I mean.”

“And make no mistake! Our ah, ah, uh resolve is firm and ah, ah, uh, ah, fer, fer, fer, fervent! We’re ah, ah, ah determined to protect this great nation, and ah, ah, ah the oil companies, and the financial districts, ah, ah, and all the churches of course. Make ah, make ah, no mistake!”

“But sir,” one reporter asked, “The prevailing opinion now is that the war in Iraq was a huge mistake, and this administration has butchered the Constitution and is violating individual human rights on a huge scale . . . . “

The Senator interrupted, “Now just an ah, ah minute! I told you I WOULD RESIGN FROM THE SENATE IF I DON’T GET MY, AH, AH, WAY! I ah, ah, ah don’t know how I can be any more clear than, ah, ah, ah THAT! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY YOU UNGRATEFUL PEON! Hrmmph, aha.”

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Anybody But The Incumbent

Our US political system is broken. Most politicians admit that. When approval ratings for Congress is below 20% - it is very, very obvious our system is in need of serious repair. "Politicians for Life" treat our government as their own personal honey pot while simultaneously avoiding responsibility:

We’ve allowed unbridled capitalism to corrupt politicians and the process beyond repair. What can be done? For one thing, “we the people“ must get more involved in things. We must shine a bright spotlight on the deficiencies and make sure the public is aware.

Another part is motivating the public to do something.
So what can we as individuals do?

I once had an acquaintance who declared his political philosophy was always to 'vote the SOB’s out!', referring to any incumbent. 25 years ago I thought his attitude was incredibly simple minded. But almost anyone today will admit that would be a better situation than we now have.

My wife says all political offices would be better served by a lottery system - sort of like a military draft, and I tend to agree with her more every day. Such a system would certainly be no worse than we now have, save untold amounts of money and completely remove special interests from the political equation. Partisan craziness would be just another bad memory of the past!

Office holders would be prevented from becoming political royalty with a lifetime sinecure to be used to their personal advantage. For example, it might well have kept Representative Dennis Hastert from parlaying a $250-300,00 net worth to well over $6 million in the nineteen years he's been in office.
At an annual 10% return Hastert should have been at about $1.35 - 1.5 million for example. Instead, he's increased his net worth by an average of over 16-1/2% annually. While theoretically possible, it boggles the mind to imagine Dennis Hastert to be financially astute enough to outperform the stock market by that order of magnitude.

The same phenomenon is true with many other long term politicians. And, let’s not forget there are many members in Congress who got there in the first place by promising to impose term limits upon themselves. But once secure in their offices they’ve quickly forgotten those promises to their constituents - in the interests of ‘continuity’ no doubt.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Terrorists & Presidential Equilibrium

Newpaper Headline: "Terrorist Teacher Arrested in New York"

NEW YORK, NY - A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. He was charged with being an "Unlawful Enemy Combatant" under the new Military Commissions Act of 2006.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzales said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as ' unknowns', but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are three sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If our Christian God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.

The President spoke thru his ever faithful spokesdog Barney.
Bush has a very close personal rapport with Barney, for like the President, Barney formerly had a severely challenged personal equilibrium, spacial orientation and comfort level with his physical surroundings. It is believed that the President’s problems stem from his father’s early proclivity to use his young son for third base in family pickup ball games. As a result, it took the President some time after adulthood to establish comfort with standard gravitational forces since he was challenged in so many areas.
The President has often suffered physically due to his equilibrium challenges:

After his election, Mr. Bush’s staff embarked on an ambitious program designed with the latest technology to rehabilitate the President and help his equilibrium:
Though there were many setbacks along the way, the President perservered:

Mr. Bush’s presidential staff purchased Barney the dog as a companion for the President, but it was soon apparent that Barney suffered from many of the same challenges as the President, and had to receive further training himself. Barney’s problems were more extensive than the President’s as he had no gravitational orientation whatever, and was just as likely to attempt walking upside down as anything:

But, Barney’s progression was faster than Mr. Bush’s. Based on his own experiences, the President took personal charge of Barney’s therapy. Using the traditional “sink or swim’ technique of simply throwing Barney into the air until he learned to right himself and land on all four feet, Mr. Bush soon taught the canine total equilibrium:

Barney is now an invaluable member of the Bush’s Oval Office inner circle and the President's constant companion as well as Bush’s personal spokesdog. Unlike the President, Barney showed a quick proclivity for and picked up on the proper use of speech. Although somewhat garbled by his canine vocal restrictions, Barney manages to understand language, and use pronunciation, nomenclature and proper language structure much better than the President. Mr. Bush now depends upon Barney almost exclusively for all his private, personal communications.

However, since Barney cannot manipulate the instrument, Mr. Bush is still greatly challenged by telephone use. To this day he struggles valiantly and continues to work on his difficulties with the spoken word and motor manipulation while his staff desperately seeks a remedy.

Friday, October 13, 2006

The History of "Cut & Run"

I found it interesting and illuminating to compile an informal score card of US war history under various administrations:

From the US Civil War, four wars have begun under Democratic administrations:

Two wars have ended under Democratic administrations as follows:

From the US Civil War, five wars have begun under Republican administrations:

Five wars have also ended under Republican administrations as follows:

And, it now appears that for the first time in history the US is losing two wars simultaneously under a Republican administration as follows:

But, it also now seems more than likely this Republican administration can shove the responsibility for ending these disasters off on someone else.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Another Hastert Interview

Another imaginary interview with Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert:

Interviewer: Thanks for meeting with me again Mr. Speaker. I just need to clear up a few more things . . .

Hastert: Well, don’t waste my time! Let’s get on with it. I’m very busy attending to the people’s business you know!

Interviewer: Yes sir. Actually, that’s what I wanted to ask. There have been some questions raised that maybe you weren’t attending to the people’s business in a responsible or timely fashion in dealing with Congressman Foley of Florida . . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Now wait just a damned minute! That’s what I mean. You folks in the media are on some kinda witch hunt or something. And another thing, the Democrats have - in my view have - put this thing forward to try to block us from telling the story. They’re trying to put us on defense! It isn’t gonna fly though, let me tell you that!

Interviewer: Yes sir, But, isn’t it part of your job to oversee things in the House, and part of that includes the welfare of all the teenage pages?

Hastert: Yessir. And that’s just what I did. The minute I heard that little fairy from Florida was after those boys I jumped right in and took some action. I’ve got nothing to hide! I did my job by golly and I can prove it!

Interviewer: And, what action was that Mr. Speaker?

Hastert: Well for one thing I turned it over to my aides for action. I’ve just assumed they took the proper action.

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker, those were some fairly serious concerns. Shouldn’t you have done some follow-up? Isn’t that in your job description?

Hastert: Watch it boy! Well by God, if you can’t trust your own aides. who the hell can you trust? I mean my people were charged with looking after this issue. If I find out they dropped the ball, well you know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna discipline ‘em. I’m gonna fire me some butts! I’ll put some in jail if I have to!

Interviewer: Well Mr. Speaker, does that shoe fit you as well? I mean if the Congress finds out you yourself dropped the ball, shouldn’t you be fired - or resign?

Hastert: I already told you to watch it Boy! Hell No and double hell no! I’m the Speaker of the House for Christ’s sakes! For one thing I can’t be fired. Just remember this entire administration is controlled by Republicans - of which I am one I might remind you - and they’re not gonna fire the top dog in the House!

Interviewer: Well, with all due respect sir, that’s exactly what the public is saying: That since Republicans are in control of everything, there’s no hope of getting any fairness in this process if you won’t go after the bad guys. Can the Republicans be trusted to discipline one of their own after all is said and done?

Hastert: Well yes, of course we would if we found out anything was wrong. But that’s just the thing. So far all we’ve got are a bunch of accusations coming out of some traitorous left field. There’s no proof we did anything wrong, and in particular, there’s no proof I myself did anything wrong.

Interviewer: Well sir, that’s another thing the public is saying. They are saying you didn’t do anything when you should have. They are saying you ignored a problem for partisan reasons. They’re saying you didn’t do anything because there’s another Republican involved. They’re saying you knew about the problem with Foley and the pages for years . . . .

Hastert: Now, hold on just a damned minute! I’ve already told you I didn’t find out about this stuff until just the other day . .

Interviewer: (Interrupting) . . . and you just ignored it. Other Republicans are attesting to this, and more than one too!

Hastert: Well by God I’m telling you they’re just a bunch of damned liars! I don’t care if they are Republicans!

Interviewer: Some of your own aides are saying these things Mr. Speaker!

Hastert: Well it looks like I may have to clean house! If there’s anything I can’t stand it’s an aide who won’t lie for his boss! I’m telling you, I don’t care how many of ‘em claim I knew about this in ‘03 or ‘01 or ‘99 or whatever the damned year it was. I ain’t gonna admit I to it no matter what. My job is too damned important to the country to let a little scandal ruin my career. Somebody else - maybe several other somebodies - are gonna have to take the blame for this. I myself am not to blame!

Interviewer: Well Mr. Speaker, most of the country now disagrees with you. Most of the public now believes you’ve let partisan cynicism rule you and you have ignored this problem in order to protect the Republican party.

Hastert: Balderdash! Republicans are in charge and we’re gonna save this country from the terrorists! All this is is just a plot to wreck the country. And, it sure looks like the plotters are after me on behalf of the terrorists, me, the Speaker of the House! - why I’m gonna pull out all the stops. It will be me and the Republican Party against those enemy combatants. And let me tell you we are now armed! We’ve just passed the Military Commission Act and the president has signed it into law! We can declare anyone we want an enemy combatant and hold them indefinitely, without charges and incommunicado forever if we want to. Ain’t a damned thing they can do either!

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker - you can’t just declare anyone you want to an enemy combatant . . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Like Hell we can’t! The president can declare, or he can appoint whoever he wants to to declare someone an enemy combatant! No limits to it if the president or his people decides someone is a danger to this great nation! That’s what the act was passed for - to protect this country from those who would do us harm, like the traitors who want to trash the Republican Party over some little Florida fairy’s pederast dalliances. We won’t tolerate it! Nosiree!

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker, just because someone questions the administration doesn’t make him an enemy combatant . . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Oh Hell yes it does! Questioning this administration is exactly the same thing as disloyalty to the country after 9/11. Nay sayers are all traitors, and they will be dealt with accordingly. We are just not going to tolerate disloyalty to the president or to the Republican party!

Interviewer: Yes Mr. Speaker with all due respect, the Republican Party is not the same thing as the United States of America. The Republican Party is not our nation - it’s a political party! You can’t equate them.

Hastert: Who says we can’t? We’re in charge of protecting this great country and we’ll do what’s good for the country the way we see it. Anyone who disagrees can just go cut bait. Unless he or she wants to mouth off about it. Then we’ll deal with ‘em. That Military Commission Act gives us the tools to handle those traitors.

Interviewer: But Mr. Speaker aren’t we becoming just like the old Soviet Union under the Communists? They imprisoned and ‘disappeared’ folks who disagreed too . .

Hastert: (Interrupting) Hold on! Hold On! You’ve gone ‘way too far now! You can’t compare this administration to the Communists! I’ll have your smart ass thrown in jail forever! No one will ever hear from you again!

Interviewer: Oh no Sir! I didn’t mean it that way! I was just trying to do my job and draw a word picture! I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything . . . or, heaven forbid disloyal . .

Hastert: Too late you pinko jerk! I’ll show you how we deal with traitors! Guard! Security! Security! Get in here! Someone’s let a terrorist in the building!

Interviewer: Oh my God Sir! I was just trying to ask some questions for my paper! Please Sir. Please, please don’t overreact!

Hastert: Oh Boyo you’ve really gone and done it now! I’ll show you over reaction . . .!

(Over his shoulder to the security guards now gathering at the doorway to Hastert’s office): There he is boys! There’s the terrorist who thinks he can just waltz in here and ask any damned thing he likes. Take him away! And, don’t worry about being gentle with him either if you value your jobs. Get this slimy pinko out of here now!

Interviewer: Oh please! No! No! No!

Security Guards: Thump! Thump! Kick! Thump! Kick! Thump! Zap! (Taser), Ziiitz! (Taser)

Interviewer: Ohhh, ohhhh!

Hastert: Good work boys! Take this traitorous SOB down to the Rendition Embarkation Center right now! Gimme his notebook and tape recorder!

Security Guard: Yessir! You got it! Say, you want I should grab you some joe on the way back up Sir? Cream & double sugar, right?

Hastert: Yeah, an’ three or four of them jelly rolls too!