Ruby's PR Job

Ruby Sinclair already knew it was not going to be a good day before she got to work that Tuesday. You could say the bloom was coming off the rose on the fabulous job she had thought she had been so lucky to get at the time. Oh hell yes, it had a certain amount of glamour and paid extremely well, but the duties were, well, let’s just say the duties were a bit on the arduous side for Ruby’s taste. She knew today in particular was going to be a real bitch, not that was at all unusual. In fact, the bitchy days had well outnumbered the good days since day one. The only time she got a break was when the boss was out of town. Even then though, things could, and often did, get crazy. Ruby didn’t know how much longer she could take it.

“Goddamit! Isn’t Ruby here yet?” she heard her boss holler from back in his office as she walked down the hallway. “Where the hell is that twat?”

Ruby heard a short reply which she could not make out, some excuse in her defense she knew.

The time was 9:29 AM and Ruby’s day wasn’t even due to officially begin until 10 AM. but, Ruby had found out quite early on that’s not how things worked with this guy. And to think how great she once had thought this man wasI In fact, Ruby’s boss was a total and complete asshole, and it didn’t seem to matter whether he liked you or not. She knew by now the only person who mattered to her boss was he, himself. And, that was absolute and total!

“You tell that twat I want to see her right away, and to get her ass in my office the second she comes through the door!” Ruby heard the boss holler. The voice which replied belonged to Wanda Cardocci, another of the boss’s aides. The boss had several aides, with different shades of authority. Ruby and Wanda were on the bottom rung.

“Yes, Sir.” Wanda replied respectfully as Ruby stepped into the office she shared with her, who rolled her eyes dramatically as she motioned towards the boss’s door, then twirled her forefinger in a spiral motion pointed at her own temple. Ruby grimaced sardonically and walked through the door into the boss’s office.

“Where the goddamned hell have you been?” the boss demanded angrily. “I’ve been waiting hours for you to finally decide to get your ass to work!”

“Yessir.” Ruby answered. Ruby knew from experience there was no good reply to the boss’s question/statement so she didn’t bother to offer one. From experience she also knew her boss neither cared, expected, nor wanted a reply.

“Well, now that you’re finally here, we’ve got some fires to put out right away.” Ruby could see that several newspapers, all opened to their front pages were scattered across her boss’s desk.

The big screen TV mounted on the wall was tuned to the Fox News channel where Brian Kilmeade was as usual blathering on about something. Ruby knew the boss had almost certainly watched the latest Sean Hannity show too since he always had it taped if he wasn’t going to be available at its broadcast time. The boss never missed Sean Hannity. Never.

“And some of the fires are getting to be goddamned big ones too.” Her boss continued in a disturbed way. "We gotta get right on 'em!"

“Yessir”. Ruby said.

Ruby already knew what the boss’s rant was all about since she had checked his Twitter feed during breakfast. That was part of her job description in fact. As per usual, the boss had tweeted something stupid and inflammatory, then contradicted himself twice. The backlash was considerable and unmerciful. Ruby had already made a few notes about possible tweets in response to suggest to the boss. However, unhappily in the meantime her boss had fired off several more uncensored tweet salvos himself without consulting with anyone. Everything had gone to Hell and now it would be Ruby’s job to try to sort all that out, do damage control and repair things as best as she could. And any way you sliced it, Ruby knew she would get the blame. That’s just who Ruby’s boss was. It was always someone’s fault besides his own. Always, without exception. Ruby learned that on day one too. The boss constantly acted and reacted spontaneously without thought, or consultation with those in the know, then when things ran off the rails he found someone to blame. Often her job made her think of a ditty she’d once seen in a little frame hanging on some underling's office wall:

“I’m not allowed to run the train,
The whistle I cannot blow . . .
I’m not allowed to say how far,
Or where those railroad cars can go.
I’m not allowed to blow off steam,
And, I cannot ring the bell . . .
But let that goddamned train jump the track,
And, just see who catches Hell!”

That was Ruby’s job these days to a tee. Before this job she had been a junior PR person for a mid-sized firearms manufacturer. That job had been challenging enough, but there she’d had a superior whose job it was to take the brunt of any backfire or criticism. In this, her current job Ruby was on her own. But, that previous job was also the real reason she had her current job. Her boss wanted someone with experience in dealing with attacks from the left side of the political spectrum, and she happened to be the highest fruit on the tree who would accept the job offer.

However, she had lately begun thinking this new job was just not worth the hassle even though she now held a fairly impressive job title and her current salary was three times her previous one. Her boss was just too difficult. She was beginning to understand why she had been offered the job in the first place. It was simple. No one wanted to work for the unthinking megalomaniacal bastard who was now her boss.

Ruby was convinced that if her boss would only let her do her job and not interfere by running off his mouth - and irresponsibly using his Twitter finger - her job would be ever so much simpler and pleasant. Instead, he was an unrestrained ‘loose cannon’ who could not control his visceral impulse to malign and demean others through personal insults and attacks, even those friendly to him. Again, it was just who he was, and no matter how obscene he could sometimes be, Ruby knew he couldn’t help himself. If you thought about it, maybe it really wasn’t his fault. That was the only reason Ruby had not already quit this otherwise wonderful job.

But still, in the back of her mind Ruby did sometimes wonder if her boss’s  behavior might actually be intentional, and was merely another arrow in his quiver of ‘job skills’. Nah. No one could be THAT odious could they?

Nah.

Ruby’s boss had made some nearly illegible scribbled notes on a yellow pad. He tore off the top sheet and angrily threw it across his desk at her. Ruby didn’t make an effort to stop it as it flew past the desk and fell on the floor. Her mood just would not permit that.

“What the Hell’s wrong with you goddammit?” Her boss shouted. “You on the rag or somethin’?”

Ruby said nothing as she very slowly and deliberately leaned over to pick up the yellow sheet. Ruby was holding herself in strict control, but she’d finally reached her limit today. She directed her fiery gaze fiercely at her boss’s eyes. He quickly got the message.

“OK, OK, “ Her boss said hastily. “Just forget I said that and let’s get down to business.”

But, her boss did not apologize. Ruby knew he never would in a million years. He was simply incapable of admitting to anything wrong.

Ruby said nothing as she continued looking directly at her boss. He broke eye contact and shifted nervously, apparently unsure of what she might say or do next. Ruby knew resolute females always made her boss uncomfortable, but she had not, until now, wanted to make a blatant display of her own strong will. After staring a couple more seconds she dropped her eyes to the yellow sheet which was covered with almost indecipherable hieroglyphics. After several months experience though, Ruby could generally sort out the gist of the boss’s notes.

Her boss had recovered enough by now to use a more forceful tone as he said, “Now those are my points I want to get across to those idiots.”

Anyone who questioned the boss in the slightest was always and invariably classified as an ‘idiot’.

Ruby quickly read through the boss’s notes and replied in a neutral tone, “Yessir. But I must point out that some, many of these things you want to say are not true.”

She did not want call them actual lies, which his comments obviously were.

“What in Hell you mean, they’re not true?” He huffed. “I think they’re true.”

As politely as she could muster, Ruby said,”No Sir. Some of these things are simply not true. Those points have already been argued and proved not true. Therefore, we, you, should not be saying them. Sir, It is my job as your PR person to protect your position and reputation. I would not be personally comfortable publishing such things, and I will not put my name to those.”

Ruby’s boss exploded then. “Goddammit! If I say they’re true, then they’re true by God. I’ll not be having you tell me what’s true and what's not, dammit! You’ll put out what I tell you to publish by God, whether you think it’s true or not, dammit!  And, I just don’t give a shit if something makes you uncomfortable!”

“No Sir, with all due respect I will not do it, period.” Ruby said calmly. She had now passed her threshold at last.

 “I quit.” She said.

There was a stunned silence for a few seconds as the boss stared at her in disbelief.

Then he hollered,  “Goddammit! You can’t quit because you’re fired! Clean out your goddamned desk and gimme your keys!”

“Yes Sir.” Said Ruby, polite to the end. “And before I go I’d like to present you with one of my special, custom-made bumper stickers. I’m mailing one of these out to each of the staff this afternoon too. And, if you should find you need or desire extra copies, by tomorrow you’ll be able to order them online through my internet store.”

Then Ruby opened a folder and withdrew a brand-new bumper sticker which she handed to her boss. Ruby had the great satisfaction then of seeing her boss read it and see his eyes widen before he furiously threw it across the room.  He sputtered incoherently.

In big, bold red letters on a white background the bumper sticker loudly proclaimed: