Washington, DC, 11/10/06: Scientists today announced the first known cloning of a Human being. Due to the highly controversial nature of this experimental process, the tests were done in a secret location in rural Maryland. "We knew this was theoretically possible." said a spokesman for the cloning team. "But, it's an understatement to say we are blown away by the final results."
In a bombshell announcement specialists also revealed the donor for the clone was none other than US President George W. Bush. Experts on cloning were astonished that the president agreed to be the donor as 'he is so dead set against stem cell research and very idea of cloning.' in the words of one expert.
However, a member of the medical team said Bush likely wished to leave behind a better personal legacy to offset the disaster he's made of his presidency. "President Bush also feels that his participation in this experiment will help moderate the hatred felt for him from all other political spectrums. He must be applauded for his courage." he said.
Another major surprise is the surrogate mother chosen to carry the cloned fetus to term was Ann Coulter, the well known radical right wing columnist. "Her reputation needed quite a bit of help too." said a spokesman. "And, why not kill two birds with one stone? In fact, Ms. Coulter made an excellent surrogate after extensive treatment for her bulimia and obvious emaciation."
But, the experts saved the major bombshell for last when they unveiled the tiny new baby. The cloning team said ultrasounds prior to birth had already revealed the baby would likely be very unusual. However they were completely unprepared for what they saw when Ms. Coulter gave birth. "During the delivery, we were speechless to see a healthy, fully developed, and very lovable Beagle puppy emerge!" said a team member. "We thought there must be some mistake or some bad joke somehow, but extensive testing indicates the baby is an exact clone of George W. Bush, down to his personality and verbal abilities."
"Tests indicate the DNA is an exact match. At this point we simply do not understand how this came to be." "As you can imagine we are doing all sorts of additional testing and undoubtedly will discover exactly what occurred. Mother and baby are both doing just fine, although Ms. Coulter has needed a great deal of continuing encouragement to keep her breast feeding the baby."
President Bush has not been seen in public since the birth of the clone and has had no announcement. Presidential spokesman Tony Snow claimed to know nothing about the cloning remarking, "It might be like all those missing WMDs - just figments of the imagination."
This article is entirely satire and a figment of the imagination!