VP Cheney Undergoes ‘Near Death’ Experience.

Walter Reed Army Hospital, Bethesda MD: Vice President Richard B. Cheney was rushed to the emergency room reserved for administration VIP’s in this hospital today. His aides believed he was suffering from another heart attack due to his obvious distress. However, an examination quickly showed he actually has no heart. His problem was traced to ‘bilious, bucolic like bowel secretions’ forming in the cavity which once contained his heart.

“You wouldn’t have thought so much bile could have backed up in such a pitifully small space.” said thoracic surgeon I. C. Morefester. “But, we were able to administer an oral enema which immediately provided relief."

Following the oral elimination, a regular rectal enema was also administered, but to the consternation of the doctors present, that proved almost fatal for the vice president.

"We very nearly lost the bastard.” said Morefester. “It was as near death as anyone ever should be without actually dying. I never would have believed it, but that last enema cost Mr. Cheney over 90 pounds in body-weight. I mean, he looked more like Barney Fife on the old Andy Griffith show than Dick Cheney when it was over. It is beyond me how so much rotten crap could ever be packed into one human being. No wonder he’s so damned grouchy all the time.”

“But, every cloud has it’s silver lining. The good part is that Cheney can now run around in the rain without ever getting wet!”

(Note: This item is a 'Spoof' and created out of whole cloth. It is entirely ficticious and the product of my imagination.)

The Righteous Super-Patriots On The Right

Ever since Ronald Reagan’s administration made it legal for money to dominate the media and buy votes, America has produced a crop of ‘Super-Patriots’ among so-called ‘conservatives’. Unfortunately for our country, they are neither patriots nor conservative.

They are the ones who are screaming loudest for war and invasion and blood - so long as someone else is in the line of fire, and not them. They are very aptly nick-named ‘Chickenhawks’.

Their ‘conservatism’ is in fact a preference for tax breaks permitting corporate economic dominance so that the richest and greediest 5% get every richer and continue feed their insatiable greed. Meanwhile, the public, the foolish citizen is saddled with ever more debt. Our national debt is now the highest in in history by several times.

These so-called ‘conservative leaders’ have propagandized many ‘conservative’ voters to the point of irrationality by demonizing any ‘non-conservative’ as unpatriotic. They define any liberal or progressive as traitorous - regardless of the facts.

They have used their money to hire their hack propagandists to spew a steady diet of distortion, deceit, slander and lies. Here are some facts about some of these ‘Super-Patriots’:

Super-Patriot Who Did Not Serve and drug addict Rush Limbaugh: Recently had the audacity to call actual combat veterans ‘PHONEY SOLDIERS’. But Rush himself sought and obtained a draft deferment during the Vietnam War because of an ‘anal cyst’. Very aptly named in my personal opinion. Perhaps it was the terminal end of the broad yellow streak running down his back

Rush is defended in Congress by none other than John Boehnert, Republican of Ohio, another Super-Patriot Who Did Not Serve - and who thinks our losses in Iraq are (direct quote) ‘a small price to pay’.


Rush is also defended by Republican candidate for president Fred Thompson, yet another Super-Patriot Who Did Not Serve.

So, many veterans are wondering; "If these Super-Patriots Who Did Not Serve are the 'real patriots', what does that make those of us who actually sacrificed to serve our country. Chopped liver?

And, what about those veterans like me, who violently disagree with and are disgusted with the greedy, fat-assed Super-Patrtriots Who Did Not Serve - are we really unpatriotic? Gosh, and all this time I thought my sacrifice was standing up for my country!

I must have been mistaken . . .