Wednesday, October 17, 2007
VP Cheney Undergoes ‘Near Death’ Experience.
Walter Reed Army Hospital, Bethesda MD: Vice President Richard B. Cheney was rushed to the emergency room reserved for administration VIP’s in this hospital today. His aides believed he was suffering from another heart attack due to his obvious distress. However, an examination quickly showed he actually has no heart. His problem was traced to ‘bilious, bucolic like bowel secretions’ forming in the cavity which once contained his heart.
“You wouldn’t have thought so much bile could have backed up in such a pitifully small space.” said thoracic surgeon I. C. Morefester. “But, we were able to administer an oral enema which immediately provided relief."
Following the oral elimination, a regular rectal enema was also administered, but to the consternation of the doctors present, that proved almost fatal for the vice president.
"We very nearly lost the bastard.” said Morefester. “It was as near death as anyone ever should be without actually dying. I never would have believed it, but that last enema cost Mr. Cheney over 90 pounds in body-weight. I mean, he looked more like Barney Fife on the old Andy Griffith show than Dick Cheney when it was over. It is beyond me how so much rotten crap could ever be packed into one human being. No wonder he’s so damned grouchy all the time.”
“But, every cloud has it’s silver lining. The good part is that Cheney can now run around in the rain without ever getting wet!”
(Note: This item is a 'Spoof' and created out of whole cloth. It is entirely ficticious and the product of my imagination.)