No, Rick Perry Wasn’t Drunk!

Some people thought Rick Perry could have been drunk, or stoned, or off his meds, or on his meds too much, or a combination of several of those things during a speech he gave in New Hampshire on October 28, 2011. Indeed, Perry did seem loopy, bizarrely flippant and drunkenly carefree at times, saying  nutty things, slurring his words and making extravagant gestures. But it was simply all part of his master plan says Perry.

“Hey look,” he said, “I’ve got to get noticed. I’ve slid in the polls lately and I’m only doing some of the stuff which helped Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum and some of those other bat shit crazies get bumps in their charts when they did the same thing.”

“I’m rebooting my campaign like I said the other day. And, I sure as Hell don’t want to come off all professorial and superior acting like Mitt Romney and various other intellectuals I don’t need to name for you.” Perry left unclear whether he was referring to Newt Gingrich, Karl Rove or Joe-the-Plumber Wurzelbacher. “I’m just a simple down-to-earth guy.” he claimed.

“In fact, the simpler things are the better I like ‘em.” Perry explained. “That’s exactly why I’ll always be a strict creationist and won’t ever pollute my mind with silly notions like evolution. All that evolution stuff is just too damned confusing for a cowboy like me. And, that’s why I am a good Christian too. Besides Christianity being what I always had crammed down my throat as a boy, it’s a Hell of a lot simpler and easier to believe in than trying to figure out all that scientific heeby-jeebiness which just makes my head hurt. I’m leave that up to the eggheads who have the time for it. If they can come up with something they like better than what’s in the Bible, well halleleluja for them. They just don’t want to be trying to teach that stuff in our schools, at least in Texas by God. Myself, as a man of action, I just don’t have the time for all that science crap. If Christianity was good enough for Jesus and George W. Bush, it’s good enough for me too, by God.”

Perry explained that his speech was intended to be on the bizarre side from the beginning. “So’s our regular conservative folks can relate to it.” he said. “Hell, our Tea Party folks are gonna reject it out of hand if it makes any sense at all anyway. They can claim to want the truth all day long, but what they really want is the crazy stuff, and the crazier the better. Don’t you dare be trying to bring them any facts if you want their support.”

“And we’re the only true patriots and the only ones still holding the country together right now.” Perry explained. “It’s ‘Live Free or Die’ and ‘Victory or Death’, and ‘Bring It On’ you know.  Ain’t no middle ground on our patriotism.”

“And that’s another reason we’ve got to stamp out all those Global Warming notions too. That ain’t nothing but a liberal communist plot to weaken our economy and our country so socialism can take over. So what if it’s a few degrees warmer this year than last? Hell! That’s just weather, and you’ll always have weather if you like it or not! Jesus never worried about a little hot or cold did he?”

“I don’t care what all those scientific ‘’experts’ say either.” Perry went on. “If they’s so all-fired ‘expert’ and smart, how come they ain’t running things? How come one-a-them ain’t the Governor of the great state of Texas ‘stead of me, for example? I’ll tell you why! It’s ‘cause the salt of the earth people like me got way better sense about what’s real and important than they do, that’s why! You can forget about all that scientific fact baloney.”

“And, as long as we can keep getting elected, we’ll keep the country safe, conservative and Christian too. And, that’s exactly why I’m running for president of these United States of America!”

Settling One Argument Over Health Care

One big objection to universal health care is the government’s insistence everyone participate. They say people should not be forced to pay for something they do not want to pay for.

Fair enough. The government can certainly give people a choice to opt out of something which they will inevitably need. Statistically there are few if any people who will never need health care, even seriously expensive health care. Nevertheless, why not give everyone the choice if that will settle the matter?

Here's an idea - No person, no matter their age, will be required to purchase health care insurance, and can choose to pay as they go. However, and here is the rub: Each time a person uses any part of the health care system, they must pay their costs in full. They can choose to pay cash, or find a way to finance the cost themselves, with no forgiveness of costs allowed. By law, each individual would be fully responsible for the full costs of any health care received.

If the individual is unable to pay for health care received, the government will pay the full amount owed and enroll them in a government plan at that point, with no right to cancel. Premiums from that point would be increased by an amount sufficient to cover the cost of the amount paid by the government on the individual’s behalf, PLUS A PENALTY, over a reasonable time period - say two to three years. When the amount paid on their behalf by the government, plus their penalty is fully recovered, they could again choose to drop their plan if they so wished. 

In other words, if you use it, you pay for it. All individuals have the choice to either ‘pay-as-they-go’ or participate in a health care plan, with no free rides. No exceptions will be allowed except for those falling below a certain defined poverty or disability level. 

This kind of system will allow the government to guarantee payment to health care providers. The individual has a choice to opt out of health care coverage if they so wish, yet still be guaranteed any health care needed. The individual would be gambling the cost of any potential penalties against his ‘freedom’ to opt out of a plan.

There will certainly be unrecovered costs incurred by the government for some individuals who are unable to fully reimburse for the health care they receive. However, this should be far less than the costs now incurred through non-reimbursed emergency room visits now occasioned by the non-insured.

Most individuals will discover it is far less expensive for them to voluntarily maintain health care coverage than to pay penalties for non-coverage, yet will still have the choice to gamble if they so wish. It is a win for everyone except for the gamblers.

Unfortunately, this idea likely makes far too much sense for any hyper-partisan Congress to even consider.

A Whole Lot of Hat and Damned Little Cattle

“Wal,” said the cowboy as he blew the smoke from the barrels of his imaginary six-shooters, after the televised debate. “I guess I showed them varmints.”

“What varmints?” wondered one witness.

“Them panty waisted wannabes, o’ course.” he responded. “They ain’t got the right stuff, ain’t got the horsepower. None of ‘em do. I’m the one with the horsepower!”

“Yes, you took the fight right to them, but they got some good licks in on you too.” said the witness.

“Don’t matter none. I’m gonna blow ‘em all away. I got the image, I got the style, and most important I got the record. Cain’t none a-them touch my record.”

“What record is that?” asked the witness. 

“Job creation an’ tax cuttin’!” said the cowboy. “We created a million jobs in my state while the US Gummint lost 2 million, an’ I run the most business friendly state in the country.”

“But, wasn’t the job growth because of the gas and oil boom?” asked the witness.

“Wal, course it was mostly, but don’t forget since I was running things I still get the credit.”

“So, are you taking credit for the highest state illiteracy rate in the country?” asked the witness.

“Tain’t my fault. We got all them wetbacks coming across the border, and that’s bound to hurt our record.”

“How’s about having the lowest high school graduation rate in the country?” asked the witness.

“Same answer.” said the cowboy laconically.

“And that wouldn’t have anything to do with your state being dead last in teacher pay in the nation?” asked the witness.

“Nawp.”

“OK, then,” said the witness. “What about being dead last in money spent for citizens?”

“Nawp. Same answer. We cain’t go spending money we don’t have, on people who ain’t even citizens. Leastwise, and still be cutting taxes for business.”

“But, by giving tax breaks for business, aren’t you putting more burdens on everyday citizens, and especially for those who can least afford it?” asked the witness.

“Nawp. Not the way I see it.”

“So, that’s why your state ranks second in the nation on sales tax, #1 in the poverty level, first in people without health insurance, first in starving children, and next to last in money to help the mentally ill?” asked the witness.

“Look,” said the cowboy. “I done tole you why we got problems, and it’s those wetbacks, and the lazy, and the folks who won’t go out and get a good paying job to he’p themselves.”

“What if they can’t find a decent job?” asked the witness. “What if they’re so poorly educated they can’t get a job? Or so poor they can’t afford child care or transportation?”

“An’ the gummint is supposed to take care of them?” snorted the cowboy. “I don’t think so, leastwise in my state. And, if they cain’t afford child care they oughtn’t to have kids.”

“Your state is second in the nation in numbers of teenage pregnancies, mostly because young people don’t have access to sex education or birth control. 94% of your state’s schools teach ‘abstinence only’ birth control. What can you expect them to do if they don’t have enough money to buy food for themselves, or for their babies?” asked the witness. “Most states help their most vulnerable citizens, if for nothing else, to keep them from turning to crime to survive.”

“We deal with that differently. All I can say, is if someone commits a crime in my state, we put ‘em in jail.”

“So, maybe that’s why your state has the highest incarceration rate in the nation, and the biggest number of adults under probation?” asked the witness. “and, the highest execution rate per capita than anyplace in the world?”

“Mebbe so. If they do the crime, let ‘em do the time, or we’ll drop the dime, is my motto.” said the cowboy. “An’ besides, the prison industry is a growth industry in my state.

“That’s a pretty cold attitude coming from someone who claims to be a born again Christian.” said the witness. “And, I can’t help noticing the prison industry benefits from having ever more inmates.”

“Look,” snorted the cowboy. “I’m a business friendly governor in a business friendly state, and an Old Testament Christian. I don’t hold with all that liberal stuff in the New Testament!”

“But, prisons cost billions of taxpayer dollars, and you are presiding over your state’s over $34 billion dollar budget deficit!” protested the witness.

“An’, that’s exackly why we’ve cut public payrolls and done away with non-essential things in the public sector! Teachers, policemen, Medicare, things like that!”

“Fire protection?” asked the witness.

“Wal yeah, some o’ that too.”

“Some? I see where you cut the state fire protection budget by 75%, causing thousands of firefighters to be laid off or furloughed.” said the witness.

Wal yeah, we have to live within our means.”

"You cut $25 million out of the budget for firefighting, and over $300 million in houses burned up." said the witness. "Sounds sort of counter-productive to me. And, what will you say to the 1200 to 1500 or so homeowners who lost their homes due to wildfires, and not having enough firefighters or resources to protect them?”

“Wal, I guess most of 'em had insurance, and I’d tell ‘em they better had their insurance paid up.”

“Even though your state has the second highest home insurance rates in the nation, and this will cause them to go up even higher?”

“Gotta he’p the insurance companies stay in business so’s they can pay claims! Besides, I need to tell you I’ve appealed to FEMA for disaster relief.”

“I thought back in January you said FEMA needed to be reformed and ought to get out of the disaster relief business.” said the witness.

“Wal, that was before the wildfires, and not being able to control them. Right now jist ain’t the time to reform FEMA. An’ anyway, theys no way you can blame them fires on me, is there?”

“Well no.” said the witness. “I’m certainly not trying to do that. But, I do recall back in April you asked people to pray for rain to help the drought and stop the wildfires. In fact, you issued an official proclamation for ‘Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas’. Didn’t that work?”

“Wal, I know all the Christian prayers had to help, but God was prob’ly upset about gittin’ all those other infidel prayers that probably came up, you know Jewish, Islamic, Hindu, even Buddhist. All that crazy heathen stuff. That may be why he turned his back on Texas, and I cain’t take responsibility for that - and I won’t.

“I can’t help but notice you don’t take responsibility for anything bad, but jump right on anything good. What do you have to say about that?” asked the witness.

“Wal, whut can I say? I ain’t apologizing. I’m a Texakan politician.” said cowboy Rick Perry.

A Whiff of Revolution in the Making . . .

Today’s Republicans are nothing like most Republicans of the 50’s through the 70’s who were THE progressive party. Republicans have always been ‘the business party’, but most members were reasonable and moderate - and were the responsible for things like the EPA and the Clean Water Act under Nixon for example.

When business morphed into huge mega-corporations operating on global scales is when things changed. The corporations, some of whom were financially more powerful than many of the nations wherein they operated evidently concluded regulatory agencies were insufferable monsters insofar as business profits are concerned. Since the populist ‘Reagan Revolution’ there has been a concerted and sustained attack on them, and anything else potentially affecting profits like unions.

There is always a conservative resentment against most social programs, Republicans viewing those as rewards for being ‘lazy’ - regardless of the realities. During Reagan’s time we saw the beginnings of an unholy but also largely unrecognized amalgamation of big business and theocracy. I believe business first saw religion as a vehicle they could guide and use on their crusades against anything smacking of socialism - even social justice. They began with anti-science, global warming being their focus. Business saw efforts to combat climate change as a clear danger to profit.  But, theocrats also crusade against evolution, abortion, homosexuality - anything religionists viewed as going against the bible - as interpreted by some of the religious leaders whether or not actually true to messages in The Book. This also happens to coincide, not incidentally, with much of the archaic culture, politics and thought of the South and Southwest, mired in visions of days gone by. The Tea Party seems almost cloned from that, and reminds me very much of the rise of George Wallace and his “American Independence Party” in the late 1960’s.

However theocracy, being irrational to begin with, is notoriously hard to control, and business has now found they have created yet another beast they have no choice but to continue to try to ride if they have any hope of guiding. But, I believe they have collectively misjudged this monster, and it will end up counter-productive to their aims. I am almost certain the conservative fundamentalist wing will now consume the Republican Party, especially if any of the Tea Baggers end up with the nomination. With Perry, Bachmann, and Palin they are definitely in the top tier. But, I also think/hope clearer heads will prevail in the end and someone like Romney or Huntsman will end up the nominee - not that that will make a huge difference in the election. That will split the party with some going for Ron Paul or a second conservative candidate, and resulting in Obama winning.

The current drive for conservative ideological ‘purity’ where social programs are destroyed, unions attacked, and the poor and dispossessed are further disenfranchised and marginalized is an extremely dangerous tactic for business. I believe the ones behind this do not recognize the risks they are taking. The apparently are ignorant of or deny history. It is as Karl Marx classically predicts in Das Kapital!,  when more and more people are dispossessed and more and more wealth concentrated in fewer hands, an explosion becomes inevitable. He has been proven right.

And when that day comes here, it will likely be violent and bloody. Big business capitalists will struggle mightily and brutally, and mount imaginative campaigns against their enemies, but in the end will be overwhelmed. Their economic might simply will not stand up to the mass numbers of people in the streets who will be arrayed against them. We have a whiff of this already in the revolts of the people in the Middle East against their leaders of decades. The tide becomes inexorable and will drown the oppressors. And as Marx wrote, “the expropriators become expropriated!”

It will not be a pretty sight, and many people will suffer or die. It will take years to recover, restore infrastructure, and regain a semblance of balance and prosperity. We have, in fact, already suffered damage like this. I have now become convinced this will happen, primarily because I have now come to realize there is no real difference between the two major political parties when it comes to business having dominance over them.

You can already hear lots of hostile rumblings in the mass of centrist moderates who make up the huge center of political thought in this country. These are the folks who really decide elections in the USA, and whose numbers outweigh both major political parties put together. When the inertia of this mass begins moving strongly in a definite direction, those in the line of march better watch out - and 'keeping their powder dry' won't matter one bit. Maybe our coming revolution will be a peaceable one, but I will not put money on that today.

Texas Governor Rick Perry’s Amazing Track Record

Texas Governor Rick Perry, the longest serving governor in the country likes to brag Texas under his brand of Republican leadership gained more jobs that any other state in the nation. This turns out to be entirely true. But, it may not be quite the rosy picture the governor paints. 

Texas is #1 in jobs creation? 

* Heck, that's nothing! Texas ranks ‘First’ in many other areas too!

• Number of Executions­–1st 
• Percent of Uninsured Children–1­st
• Percent of Population Uninsured–­1st
• Percent of Non-Elderl­y Uninsured–­1st
• Amount of Carbon Dioxide Emissions–­1st
• Amount of Hazardous Waste Generated–­1st
• Amount of Toxic Chemicals Released into Water–1st
• Amount of Volatile Organic Compounds Released into Air–1st
• Amount of Recognized Cancer-Cau­sing Carcinogen­s Released into Air–1st

Some other high Texas rankings:

• Percent of Children Living in Poverty–4t­h
• Income Inequality Between the Rich and the Middle Class–5th
• Percent of Women Living in Poverty–6t­h
• Teenage Birth Rate–7th
• Percent of Women with Pre-Term Birth–9th
• Income Inequality Between the Rich and the Poor–9th
• Foreclosur­e Rates-10th
• Births to Unmarried Mothers–17­th

Alas, Texas is well down the scale in other areas:

• High School Graduation Rate–43rd
• Health Care Expenditure­es per Capita–44t­h
• Women’s Voter Registration­–45th
• Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) Scores–45t­h
• Percent of Population Who Visit the Dentist–46­th
• Retirement Plan Participat­ion–47th
• Median Net Worth of Households­–47th
• Mortgage Debt as Percent of Home Value–47th
• State Aid Per Pupil in Average Daily Attendance­–47th
• Average Monthly Women, Infant, and Children (WIC) Benefits per Person–47t­h
• Percent of Population with Employer-B­ased Health Insurance–­48th
• Average Credit Score–49th
• Women’s Voter Turnout–49­th
• Per Capita State Spending on Medicaid–4­9th
• Percent of Low Income Population Covered by Medicaid–4­9th
• Workers’ Compensati­on Coverage–5­0th
• Per Capita State Spending on Mental Health–50t­h
• Percent of Non-Elderl­y Women with Health Insurance–­50th
• % of Population 25 and Older with High School Diploma–50­th
• Percent of Pregnant Women Receiving Prenatal Care in First Trimester–­50th

Lord, protect us from Texas Governor Rick riding in on his evangelical white horse to ‘save’ the nation!

* Thanks to poster AerinGael in CNN 8/14/11 

A Capitalistic Oligarchy

It is glaringly obvious our democracy ain't that any more, and is now wholly subordinated to Capital (with an uppercase ‘C’), big corporations and uber-wealthy individuals. For all intents and purposes, the United States is now become a feudalistic super-oligarchy run largely for the benefit of Capital.

We can not blame this on any particular political party as both are hugely guilty of carrying water for Capital, although Republicans have certainly become the poster child of late.

Capital being inorganic, is incapable of feeling, thought or emotion. Consequently, we, “The People” should always keep the following things in mind about Capital and Capitalism:

• Capital has no conscience;
• Capital has no morality;
• Capital does not care for justice;
• Capital does not care for legalities;
• Capital does not care for fairness;
• Capital does not care for freedom;
• Capital does not care for the environment;
• Capital does not care for individuals;
• Capital does not care for society;;
• Capital does not care for humanity;
• Capital does not care for democracy;
• Capital does not care for the future;
• Capital fares well under Fascism;
• Capital fares even better under right-wing dictatorships; 
• Capital fares best of all in an oligarchy;
• Capital fares least under a democracy which cares for the welfare of all its people;
• Capitalism abhors and is the mortal enemy of equality;
• Capitalism cares ONLY for MORE Capital gotten NOW or in the very near future;
• Capitalism cares in the end, ONLY for Capital!

NOTHING else really matters. NOTHING ELSE.  NEVER FORGET THIS!

Anyone who doesn’t understand these things is fair game and a ready sacrifice for the alter of and in the favor of Capital and Capitalism.

Karl Marx and Lenin based their revolutions on these notions. When their revolutions manifested under the ‘dictatorship of the proletariat’ as the Communist Party, problems and chaos arose. First Fascism, and later Capitalism used the resulting excesses to demonize, Communism, and conveniently, by extension any ideas of socialism.

I notice where true socialism is tried it is usually successful, and always without exception, broadly and viciously attacked by Capital. This has gone on so long now many, perhaps most, people in the western world are now so propagandized they think of socialism if not actually evil, as disagreeable. Anyone in America openly advocating programs to help 'people' is invariably labeled ‘liberal’ and quite often as ‘unpatriotic’,  ‘communist’, and even ‘traitorous’. Such is the power of Capital and its propaganda, it persuades many people to go against their own interests. The Tea Party is a good example of that.

I happily embrace the label ‘liberal’ myself as I see that as progressive and good. 

Capital has proven expert at working behind the scenes to effect change for its benefit. Flying under most people’s radar screens for at least the past two decades is a shadowy, secretive group which is very successful, and now on the verge of grabbing the entire pie. I like to think I am politically aware, and pay attention, but only recently learned of this organization, financed 95-99% by Big Business, i.e., ‘Capital’. It’s tentacles are everywhere, in every state and national capitol, and all in between. If you care about your country and democracy it will scare you to death. It is nothing short of hideously EVIL, and solely the invention of Capital.

I knew things were bad, but never suspected such evil. I guess in hindsight I should have known better. I will go into further details in a later blog posting, but you can look into this malignant tumor before then by googling the term: 

 “American Legislative Exchange Council”

Fair warning: Better have some nausea medication handy.

Rick Perry Connects With Jesus

Texas Governor Rick Perry, very satisfied with himself after his big Prayer meeting was relaxing in his hotel room in a fancy Houston hotel when the telephone rang.  Perry never answered telephones unless he expected a call. He answered this call, but found it was not who he expected:

Perry:  “Hello . . . ”

Jesus:  “Rick Perry, are you there?”

Perry:  “Who the hell is this?”

Jesus:  “It’s me. Your Lord and savior. Are you sure you’re Governor Rick Perry?”

Perry:  “Yep, Goddamned right I am sure! Now, who in hell is this and how in hell did you get this number?”

Jesus:  “I’m the Lord, Jesus Christ to you. And I have any number I want. All by myself I’m kinda like an early version of the internet, only I just ‘know’, you know. Sorta like ‘Dex Knows’ - only better and quicker.”

Perry:  “Yeah right! Jesus Christ my aching ass! Now, how’d you get through on this damned line anyway?”

Jesus:  “You were in the bathroom snorting coke just now, Ricky boy, now weren’t you? Right?”

Perry:  “ . . . . . wha . . . . how, what the hell . . .?”

Jesus:  “And, right now you’re wearing your favorite pink silk Speedo briefs with the little valentine hearts on them too, right?”

Perry:  “(Gasp!) . . well, . . . no, er. well, yeah, ah . . . . now, wait just a damned minute! How do you know all this shit anyhow? Are you stalking me?”

Jesus:  “I told you I was Jesus Christ, didn’t I?”

Perry:  “Well yeah, but . . . “

Jesus:  “And, when you answered the phone you figured I was that cross-dressing transvestite you arranged for earlier to come have a little fun right?

Perry:  “Jesus Christ!”

Jesus:  “Yes, that’s exactly right! Now that you are getting your mind straight, I need to have a little chat with you.”

Perry:  “Holy Shit! Gosh, er, Jesus, I mean, Lord - I’m sorry about all that stuff - I didn’t mean none of it. You just caught me off guard you see, and I was just testing to find out who was violating the law or something by calling me. Understand? Jesus, you do understand, right?”

Jesus:  “Oh sure I understand Ricky. I know all about you evangelical Christians. I’ve been dealing with your types for centuries. And, a lot of them are enjoying a hot time in Hell right now too, let me tell you. But, that’s another matter for another time as far as you are concerned. Right now I want to talk to you about your so-called prayer meeting.”

Perry:  “Oh, Jesus! Right Lord! I hope you liked it . . . .I, I tried to be make it good for you.”

Jesus:  “Sure you did Ricky boy. But both you and I know that’s a total crock of bullshit. You did it for one reason and one reason only, and that’s because you want to make a run for the presidency and figured on grabbing the evangelical vote.”

Perry:  “No, no, ah, er, it’s not like that at all . . . . I’m a totally faithful and sincere Christian, Lord. I’m right there in your corner like I’ve always been.”

Jesus:  “Oh sure you are Rick, when it’s convenient. But, let’s cut to the chase, shall we? You are a lying frigging hypocrite and we both know that. So, quit your weak and whiny lying will you? Frankly it’s cowardly, embarrassing  and wastes my time.”

Perry:  “No, really, I . . . .”

Jesus:  “Shut the hell up Rick, and listen! Any more lying and I’ll nail your ass right now!”

Perry:  “Yessir. I’m listening Lord . . .”

Jesus:  “Good. Now, about that so-called prayer meeting. You know praying for jobs is a crock, right?” 

Perry:  “Well, no, yeah, I, er, ah . . .”

Jesus:  “Shut up Rick. Don’t try to lie to me, or I’ll fry your ass. Praying for jobs, or anything like that is totally stupid, a fairy tale. But then no one ever said either you or evangelical Christians were the sharpest knives in the drawer, did they?

Perry:  “Well, no, er . . . but, “

Jesus:  “I told you to shut up Rick. I mean all that praying for rain you had folks doing for Texas back in April really worked, didn’t it? That should have told you something right there.”

Perry:  “Well, I thought . . .”

Jesus:  “Shut up Rick. That’s just the trouble, you don’t think. Maybe you can’t think. You figure you can grab some easy votes by playing up to the evangelical crazies, and you might be right about that, but that’s it. All that bullshit praying for rain won’t and didn’t bring any rain, did it? None. Zippo. Nada. ”

Perry:  “Well, er . . .”

Jesus:  “I told you to shut the hell up Rick. Now zip it!”

Perry:  “Yessir. Zipped.”

Jesus:  “Good. Now, keep it that way. Praying for rain and jobs is one thing, but all that craziness about ‘Praying the Gay Away’ just takes the frigging cake. When I heard that crap I just about pulled the plug on your ass, Ricky boy. But, then I though, ‘Well, why not? Why not let that obtuse asshole show the entire world how stupid he really is?’ And, that’s working in spades too, let me tell you. Everybody has you spotted now Rick. Trouble is, you loopy evangelicals have it all completely wrong. Pray the gay away my flowing purple robe! Don’t you imbeciles realize gays are part of God’s plan too, just like Blacks, and Mexicans and midgets, Norwegians, geniuses, and the blind, lame and alcoholics, and so on and on and on? Even you noxious evangelicals are part of God's plan, and what in Hell makes you think that you, you idiots, get to decide what is to be and what isn’t to be? Huh?”

Perry:  “Well, I . . .”

Jesus:  “Shut the hell up Rick.”

Perry:  “Yessir.”

Jesus:  “And, then I found out no non-Christians would be allowed on the stage or to speak at your prayer meeting. I gotta tell you Rick, when I heard that, I just about showered the wrath of God down on the whole damned shooting match. Still might, because I know who you are and where you live. I’m still mighty pissed, but I think I'm gonna let that slide for now, for most of you idiots.”

Perry:  “Yessir.”

Jesus:  “And Rick, this is just a friendly call for the sake of your family, a fair warning if you will, so listen up.” 

Perry:  “Yessir?”

Jesus:  “Rick, make damned sure your life insurance is paid up and your will is up to date, OK?”

Perry:  “Jesus Christ!”

Jesus:  “Yepper! You got that right!”