Saturday, August 25, 2007

Let's Say You Have Two Cows . . .

* Say you have two cows;

* One is a 'right hand cow' and one is a 'left hand cow' - that's because they pasture on a mountainside and depending on the way they were facing when they started grazing, their legs are shorter on one side than the other. The right hand cow has longer legs on the right side, and the left hand cow on the left;

* Neither cow can stand up on the level without help;

* In the past, the cows were able to stand up by leaning together towards the middle, one supporting the other;

* You sell your cows to a mega-corporate, multi-national 'for profit' diary;

* The right hand cow becomes a Fascist and is nicknamed 'Ann Coulter'. Ann hates all other cows and says so and everyone believes her;

* The left hand cow becomes a Liberal and is nicknamed 'Hillary Clinton'; Hillary loves all other cows and says so, but few really believe her;

* The cows no longer help each other, and fall down without huge piles of money to support them when on the level;

* Hillary has her own bull named "Willie";

* Ann doesn't have a bull, but if she did, he'd be called either "Rush Limbaugh" or "Dubya";

* Ann secretly wishes she were a bull herself, and many people think she actually is one;

* Both cows dislike the old, worn out Libertarian bull Ron Paul, but Ann, really, really hates him for 'selling out';

* While Ann is incensed, Hillary is secretly pleased that Ron Paul calls himself a 'Republican';

* Whenever Ann & Hillary meet during grazing (about once a year as they circle their mountain), they curse one another roundly. About once in every two meetings they actually fight. It's always one hell of a fight and always produces a copious supply of 'milk shake';

* The milk shake is collected and sold at an exorbitant profit by the dairy which owns and controls the cows;

* The diary cares for both cows so they each prosper and keep producing the milk shakes;

* Sometimes the diary slips in a black or a brown cow to create chocolate milk or mocha. The black cow is nicknamed 'Oprah', the brown cow 'Obama';

* The diary is managed by secret 'managers' who have always managed such dairies, and prosper by playing one cow off against another, no matter what or who's 'on top' at the moment;

* No one really knows who these 'managers' are or where they came from - just that they've always been 'around';

* When the cows aren't fighting they produce only sour milk, which is nonetheless hyped and sold at an enormous profit to the public. The public doesn't need the sour milk, nor like the taste of the sour milk, and can't stand the smell, but they have been convinced they must have it to exist, so they buy it anyway;

* The dairy managers laugh all the way to the bank every day;

* The cows' managers insure the cows will exist forever to maintain the American status quo, and keep their owners in the latest model Lear jets and Armani suits;

* You, as a simple citizen are flabbergasted and amazed at what has become of your cows!

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