Democratic Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts has now been accused of being a ‘Closet Republican’. Liberal media throughout North America has long speculated about his admittedly odd sexual proclivities. Now, several pundits are openly claiming Frank is actually a ‘DINO’ (Democrat In Name Only) and is in fact a closet or ‘secret’ Republican.
Frank has vigorously attempted to explain himself to his disbelieving pundits who roundly accuse him of conduct ‘unlike a Democrat’, based primarily on his sexual orientation and tendencies.
But, Frank adamantly denies any and all Republican leanings. “It may be true that I do enjoy sex with other men - particularly the ‘back door’ kind if you know what I mean. But, while that may be so, I am in fact a good, liberal and loyal Democrat! A sort of real maverick in other words - and not the kind who claim to be like John McCain or Sarah Palin.”
“And yes, I also know I’m quite unlike your typical Democrats like Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Elliot Spitzer and John Edwards. Those are the kind of guys who never see a woman they don’t try to screw, or a skirt they don’t attempt to lift, or female ass they won't try to grope. What the public conceives of as your typical, normal Democrat in other words. The kind that get all those Christers all tied up in knots because they enjoy 'normal' sex. No, I’m not like that at all, and I readily admit I prefer sex with other males to any female any day of the week and twice on Sundays. And yes, I know that may tend to make me seem just like your typical uptight perverted Republicans like Larry Craig or Mark Foley - but that’s just a strange and odd coincidence.”
“I can’t explain it myself - but that’s just the way it is with me.”
But, the liberal media remains unconvinced. "He's just acts way too Republican" explained one commentator.
Another said, "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and smells like a duck, then I'd call it a duck, wouldn't you?"
Based on his legislative activity though, Frank certainly and mostly qualifies as a liberal Democrat. Even there however, Frank also shows some Republican leanings. For example, he has been a fervent advocate of disbursing billions of dollars with few controls to rich benefactors through the so-called ‘Stimulus Bills’.
“What? I can’t use my legislative clout to reward a few friends?” said Frank when questioned.
So, the jury is still out.