How Joe Wilson Became "Old yeller"

Once there was an old hound dog down in the state of South Carolina.  He didn't have much going for himself, being long in the tooth and none too smart.  Mostly, he just laid around licking his balls and living off the bits and pieces others funneled in his direction.  He loved his status quo.

Lot's of people tolerated the old hound - they mostly loved the status quo too.  He was old and been around for a long time, licking those aging balls and appreciatively snuffling his own ass deeply and often.  Once in a great while he'd sniff someone else's ass for variety, but mostly he pleased himself.  Life was pretty good.

But then the governor of the old hound's state, who was no slouch at sniffing his own ass appreciatively himself, suddenly became the center of attention.   All he had to do was run away to Argentina and score some hot latin cha cha cha stuff down there - and then had the chutzpah to go around bragging about it whilst praying to Jesus and comparing himself to King David of biblical times.  All at once the governor was a new national sensation  - maybe not at the top of the heap but everyone sure knew who he was.

At this disturbance to the status quo, the old hound grew unsettled.  He sulked around then and even tried nipping jealously at the heels of his narcissistic governor - to little avail.  Life just wasn't that sweet anymore.  His balls got all sore from all his over-licking and he suddenly realized snuffling his own ass was actually pretty disgusting.  Especially to everyone else - and the old hound grew very morose.

So, the old hound mulled over some way to make things better.  Not being all that smart it was a very tall order for him.   He wondered about the Appalachian Trail - that had worked for the randy governor didn't it?  Yep . . . . nope! Wait a minute! That didn't even happen did it?

How's about Argentina and hot latin cha cha cha stuff?  Nope.  Even if he could get down there, there was no way he was gonna  score any stuff of any kind.  He was too old and droopy a hound.  He  didn't even know how to spell 'randy'.

He got so down he moped - which for a hound means he drooped everywhere.  his eyes, his ears, his jaws and his entire face . . . . . drooped.  He started in crying and yelling, which for a hound means he howled.  He howled the most mournful, desolate howls anyone ever heard, and everyone threw things at him - shoes, stones, glasses and kitchen tables.

"Stop all that yelling!" they hollered.

After he second brick landed on  his tail the old hound stopped his howling - but he did note one important thing:  At least everyone paid attention when he howled.  Maybe that was his ticket.

So the old hound headed to Washington, DC where he yelled 'You Lie!" at the president of the United States of America right there during his speech  in Congress.  There was an  instant and  amazing change.

Suddenly the old hound was a new national sensation.  His new name and face was on every TV in America.  And that's how an old hound named Joe Wilson suddenly became "Old Yeller" one day in September, 2009.