Monday, January 11, 2010

Sarah Palin is NOT the Wicked, Whacko Witch of the West!

Sarah Palin is an extraordinarily special person. God takes the time to directly plan for her. That’s what she said after her nomination to be Senator John McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate according to Steve Schmidt, McCain’s top campaign strategist. Schmidt said he asked Palin about her serenity in the face of becoming "one of the most famous people in the world." He quoted her as saying, "It's God's plan."But who’s to know really? Schmidt also said Palin was inaccurate and not truthful  - which we all know can not be so. By now everyone recognizes how well Sarah Palin always and invariably adheres to the strict, literal truth. She carefully checks all her facts and sticks strictly to reality.  Always and no ifs, ands or buts.

But, what is really bothering me is this: If God is directly making plans for Sarah Palin, what about the rest of us? Will God have any time left for the rest of us, or are we just not special enough? And, another thing - exactly which God is taking all this time to do Sarah Palin’s planning?  Jehovah?  Allah?  Jesus?  Thor? Or, is it the creator Sun God Ra, or the Egyptian Cow Goddess Bat? I am really, really seriously discomfited by all this. I suppose I am just confused by all the multiplicity of gods out there and having a lot of trouble deciding which one to follow, or to ask to intercede on my behalf. After all, there are thousands of gods out there.

But Sarah Palin does not have this problem. She obviously knows EXACTLY which God to invoke. That right there gives you some idea of how very special she is, which brings up another, entirely new question for me: What the dickens makes Sarah Palin so darned special anyway? Was she special born - like Jesus? Did she win some secret God lottery? Did the Pope appoint her? Like I said, I am confused.

There is one thing we really do know for sure about Sarah Palin: She probably no longer has any Devils, Witches or Evil Demons left in her.   Maybe she did before, but no more! That’s because they were all exorcised in a public ceremony at the Assembly of God Church in Wasilla, Alaska.

Unless of course some Evil Demons or Witches have somehow re-entered her since somehow. But, Sarah is so special I just can’t see that happening. That will lay to rest all those insinuations by anyone who disagrees with her - characterized as “Vicious Palin Haters” by Sarah’s supporters.

Some even go around claiming Sarah Palin is really is the ‘Wicked, Whacko, Witch of the West” and hoping an Alaskan farmhouse will fall on her.  But, some God or the other must have different plans for Sarah Palin.  Like becoming the 2012 presidential nominee for the Teabagger Party and totally spoiling that election for Republicans.

But, I could be wrong. She might also simply just self-destruct or disappear, like a Cheeto at a Weight Watcher's meeting.

* Update: As this little story was being written, a larger event was taking place.  The Fox News cable channel announced Palin will be joining their network.

“I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It’s wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news.” Palin said.

Oh, Yeah!

This places Palin squarely astride the network which also includes another renowned flatulist, indeed, the very founder of the Teabagger phenomenon. I can see the bumper stickers now:  “The Flatulist and Beckerhead - 2012: Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum”

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