Tuesday, December 27, 2011

My Uncle Bud

I sure get a kick out of my Uncle Bud Seawright. Oh, he’s not really my uncle, just a really good, long time family friend. The thing about Uncle Bud is, he calls things just exactly like he sees them. There’s no ‘finesse’ bullshit about Uncle Bud. And, Uncle Bud has a good bit to say about the current state of affairs in these good old United States of America today.

“Ain’t never been this bad before,” he says. “never, no time.”

One of his favorite topics lately is the Tea Party phenomenon. “What in Hell are they talking about they ‘won’t stand it anymore’?” he says.  “Hell, most of ‘em never had it so good in their gol-damned lives! That’s how come they got the time and wherewithal today to have them rallies they call ‘Tea Parties’ where they stand around and holler about how they’re gonna ‘take back their country’! Damnation! Pure dog ignorance oughten never to be a point of view!”

Uncle Bud says the only tea parties he ever knew about were for sissy little girls and their imaginary friends. And the more I think about that, the more sense it makes to me.

Uncle Bud says, "it’s gol-damned well obvious some folks never get too old to learn something stupid, on top of them already being dumber than a half can of five-year-old house paint to start with." I guess you might say he doesn’t have a whole lot of use for the Tea Partiers.

“Hell, most of ‘em’s on the social security rolls anyhow.” he says. “They’re just all churn and no buttermilk, and letting the demagogues run ‘em around like lab rats in a maze.”

And don’t get Uncle Bud started on what he thinks about today’s Republicans. “Hell, I used to think a lot of Republicans.” Uncle Bud says. “In fact, I voted Republican more times than not, back when they had some damned sense. Back a while you could count on most Republicans to do the right thing, but now, all they do is whore for the banks, the rich and big business, and talk gloom, doom and calamity with a black Democrat in the White House. That is, what time they ain't chasing restroom queers and little boys, and every damned one of ‘em preaching ‘family values!’”

“I remember what that Republican Senator Margaret Chase Smith told that godawful slimy toad Joe McCarthy back in the ‘fifties.” Uncle Bud says. “She told him, she was a Republican, but damned sure didn’t want to ride to victory on the four horsemen of calumny - fear, ignorance, bigotry and smear. I was mighty proud of that little woman when she told him that, I tell you, still am, God rest ‘er soul. But, it sure looks like the Republicans have resurrected those horsemen lately.” 

Whenever I catch Uncle Bud mentioning ‘God’ or religion, I never say anything. I don’t want to get him started off down THAT road. 

Uncle Bud says religion, and especially the Christian flavor “Ain’t nothing but fairy tales based on myths writ down by goat herders thousands of years ago, and served up today by self-serving charlatans, to the naive and scairt, trying to relieve them of as much of their money as they can.”

"Hellfire, some of them 'Reverends' got gold rings on every damned finger!"

You can see why I don’t want to get off on that topic. He’s bad enough about it without my mentioning anything. The last time he got off on the subject of American Christians he got so mad he started shouting at me. Me, his loyal friend!

I said, “Uncle Bud, hold on just a minute. You know all that religion stuff is not MY fault?”

And, he just snorted and said, “I never said it was your damned fault! I just said I was blaming you!”

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