Thursday, June 10, 2010

Christians in the Deep South

I live in the deep south now, way, way down there, in the Stephen Foster, ‘way down on the Suwanee River’ country.  I went for a drive around my town a few days ago and ran across a neighbor a couple miles away who I at first assumed to be of the Christian persuasion .  The reason I thought this was all the signs with biblical connotations posted around the yard and on the fence.  Of course, the large 15’ cross planted in the yard was a big hint too.

There were signs saying:  “Iniquity”,  “Covetousness”,  “Incest”,  “Personal-Sin”,  “Disobedience”,  “Transgression”, “Outcast”,  “Living Water”, “Repent”.  All those signs seemed to be spelled right too, except for one written “Hispanios” - but maybe that was spelled right in another language, which upon checking, it seems to be. So, I am thinking, ‘here lives a literate, concerned southern Christian’.

Then, I noticed signs with racial, connotations including:  “Racism”,  “Negroes”,  “Whites”,  “Mexicans”,  “Guatamalans”,  “Hispanics”,  “Blacks”, “Colored”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives a literate, concerned southern Christian accepting of many racial types’. . . . .

But, then, I noticed more signs with distinctly racist overtones, like: “Niggers Repent”, and my personal favorite: “White Niggers Serving Hood”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives some kind of literate, southern Christian person, concerned with racial things, and who is in fact a rabid racist’. . . .

Then, lo and behold, I noticed even more signs with words saying, “God”, and “Queen”.  So, now I’m thinking, ‘here lives a rabid, racist, literate, southern Christian person who also just happens to be an anglophile!’, thinking of course by word association in terms of the phrase ‘God Save The Queen’ . . .


Then, I noticed another sign, far back, sort of behind the house saying “Welcome”.  Somehow, that one just didn’t seem to go with the rest. Now, I didn’t know what in hell to think!  What kind of neighbor was this anyway?

Oh wait!  Might this just be Sarah Palin’s secret southern Tea Party hideaway?  Seems I’ve heard somewhere she doesn’t really like neighbors does she . . .? 

No, no.  That couldn’t be it, since there was also a sign labeled “Tammy”.  Unless of course Tammy might be be Sarah’s rabidly racist literate, southern Christian Anglophilic secret lesbian lover. . . . . ?

No, no, wait . . . no references to guns, abortion or death panels at all, plus, most of those Tea Partiers are some of the most atrocious spellers.  So that can’t be it.

Hmm . . . . Wait!  Wait!  Wait! Ann Coulter's secret southern hideaway without a doubt!

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