Setting the Record Straight

Lately there’s been a big misunderstanding about what GW Bush was quoted as saying and what he actually said and meant. This is to try to set the record straight:

The Quote:
“George W. Bush told me: “I’m driven with a mission from God.”
- Former Palestinian foreign Minister, Nabil Shaath 10/6/05

What actually happened: Bush caught his wienie in his zipper. In his excrutiating pain and fundamentalist 'Christian' that he is, he began lamenting’, “I’m riven with a pissin’ from God.”

The Quote:
“George W. Bush told me: ”God told me. George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan,”” and I did.”
- Former Palestinian foreign Minister, Nabil Shaath 10/6/05

What actually happened: Still in excrutiating pain GWB screamed,
“My wienie's in a chicken fight and tearing off in my hand!” and it did.

The Quote:
“Then, George W. Bush told me: “And, then God would tell me, “”George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq!”” and I did.”
- Former Palestinian foreign Minister, Nabil Shaath 10/6/05

What actually happened: Bush had a thought and said: “George, go and mend yer bennie in an ice pack!” And he did.

The Quote:
“Then, George W. Bush told me: “And, now again I feel God’s words coming to me; ‘Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security and get peace in the Middle East.’ and by God, I’m agonna do it!”
- Former Palestinian foreign Minister, Nabil Shaath 10/6/05

What actually happened: By this time GWB had snorted a couple lines of coke and was beginning to float about 15 feet above the Palestinian foreign minister and other more common Earthlings. At this point he thought and said: ‘Now then, ideally God’s turds are cumming on me, and no offset Pennsylvanian bear bait and being surreal is where impurity’s sweat grease in the fiddle priest, and tie rod I’m agonna screw it!”

So, you can see how these misunderstanding get started. In an effort to set the record straight about God being on a first name basis with, and speaking directly to GW Bush, White House spokesman Scott McClelland had this to say:

“That’s absurd! I've been in many meetings with him and never heard such a thing!"

Of course in all fairness it must be noted that Mr. McClelland is in the actual business of and paid for lying, so one should always believe the opposite of whatever comes out of his mouth.

Transcripts of the interview in question will be published by the BBC next month and we can see and listen to the record being set straight.