Friday, February 17, 2006

God, Mom & Apple Pie!

Vice President Richard Cheney came home to Wyoming today to receive a standing ovation from lawmakers there, apparently for having limited out onTexas lawyers.

"It's a wonderful experience to be greeted by such warmth by the leaders of our great state. It's especially true when you've had a very long week.” said Cheney, who’s week was far worse than the guy he shot, certainly from his viewpoint.

To add icing to the Dick’s laudatory cake, Harry Wittington, the lawyer Cheney shot has now accepted full responsibility for having been at fault by getting in the way of Cheney’s shotgun blast.

"My family and I are deeply sorry for everything Vice President Cheney and his family have had to deal with," he said.

It is very comforting to learn that our country is in good hands and being run by people of such steel ethics and iron integrity. It is also good to know that in spite of the media hype and insinuations that our Vice President is a law-breaking drunken lout with little regard for the safety of others or human life, he is in fact the exact opposite.

The Bush administration came under sharp criticism because of Cheney's failure to publicly disclose Saturday's accident until the next day. But on Thursday, President Bush said Cheney handled the situation "just fine."

"I'm satisfied with the explanation he gave," Bush said, calling it "strong and powerful."

In Texas, the Kenedy County Sheriff's Department closed its investigation without filing any charges. The department's report supported Cheney's account. So skillful are members of the Kenedy County Texas Sheriff’s Department that they were able to unerringly determine Cheney was totally a law abiding citizen, not under the influence of alcohol, without seeing him until a full day after the shooting, and never taking a blood alcohol test. The only thing they could fault him for was a pesky little matter of having no hunting stamp. Showing no favoritism, they treated him just like any other ordinary citizen and allowed him to buy the stamp ‘after the fact’ and without censure, citation or penalty.

So American citizens now rest assured that our Vice President is not a reckless drunk with a callous disregard for laws, rules and human life, and is not the ego-centric self-serving asshole politician he has been painted to be in this unfortunate incident. As Cheney gunshot victim Harry Wittington said,

"We all assume certain risks in what we do, in what activities we pursue. Accidents do and will happen."

Thank Heavens for God, Mom and Apple Pie too!

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