Overheard in the Texas Republican Gun Club bar last Monday evening:
“That durned ol’ fool Harry Wittington - who let that old sum’bitch in on the hunt anyway? Ah don’t give a shit iffen he HAS raised a buncha money for the Texas ‘Publicans - he didn’t have any damned business gittin' in the way of Dickie’s shot!
Now, everbody’s gonna blame things on Dick by God and everbody knows it’s that old sum'bitch Wittington’s fault. He didn’t have any damned business being out there atall an’ then goin’g an’ gittin’ hisself shot when he’s behind Cheney for Christ’s sake! Tarnation!
Hell, everybody knows Wittington don’t drink anymore - his livers bin gone fer years and he cain't drink nary a drop for fear a-dyin'’, and if he ain’t drunk how’n hell he gonna keep from gittin' shot anyhow? Ol’ sum’bitch cain’t even fall down right at his age.
Now he's gone and stomped on his pecker and Ol’ Dick’s too. Dickie’s gonna have to do a lot of buck passin'’ and ‘splaining to get out of this God-damned mess. An’ yew know how them damned bleedin’ heart liberals is gonna take this mess and run with it too. Yew just know it in yore bones an’ yew can lay a bet on it! Them bastards are already a-makin’ jokes about “Cheney’s done bagged his limit on lawyers’ an’ such like. Hell, they’s gonna pick on every little damned thing they can find. They’s already bitching about no damned quail stamp for Christ’s sake, and this an’ that and ever other damned thing!
First God-damned thing them dimmycrats done was to start in a-raisin’ hell about a ‘cover up” and “how come nobody said anything for almost a full God-damned day!” God-damned buncha meddlin’ pansy bastards! Now they’s even got a buncha them moderate ‘Publicans runnin’ fer cover an’ a-bitchin’ about gittin’ Cheney to come clean for Christ’s sake!
Now yew know and I know Ol’ Dick couldna gone to nobody legal ‘til he done sobered up. These days yew cain’t tell fer sure which one a them damned cops nair sheriff's boys is gonna turn out to be a goody-goody two shoes an’ go’n git all legal ‘n all. For Christ’s sake, all them God-damned liberal pinko media woulda jumped all over that like stink on hog shit! No damned way in hell he coulda done that. Yew have to admit he’s thinkin’ purty damned fast to be as drunk as he was, to thinka notifying the local newspaper the nex’ damned day ‘steada the day it happened. Purty smart o’ him too, to thinka gittin’ that gal there - the daughter of the feller who got him his Halliburton job - to git the word out to the local newspaper the way she did. They’s on his side! Give him a chanct to sober up!
Then them other good ol’ boys had a chanct to git him offa the sauce and sober the stupid bastard up enough to meet with the sheriff the nex’ day. An’ the fact that he didn’t have nary damned quail stamp jist works in his favor if yew wanta know the truth about that matter. That’ll act like a diversion to git the ‘tention offa the real shit. Throw ‘em a bone ta gnaw on while the ‘portant stuff gets all tidied up, nice and proper like!
It is damned good to see the press a-startin’ in to laying the blame on where it oughta be - right on ol’ Wittington’s gnarly ol’ God-damned ass fer steppin’ in front ol’ Dickie’s shot! I jist hope the ol’ sum’ bitch don’t die though, - even though it’d serve ‘im right - ‘cause then that’d be a whole new bucket a worms.
It’s a-gittin’ ta be mighty damned hard to run a country like yew want to anyway, without havin’ an ol’ sum’bitch like Wittington screw things up fer yew!”