Profoundly Stupid Statements

I am bereft.  Maybe it was the holidays and people were focused on other things.  But, I am feeling so starved lately for Profoundly Stupid Statements.  Since the change of administrations a year ago there has been a real drought of really, Profoundly Stupid Statements.  I think we all got spoiled by the absolute surfeit of Profoundly Stupid Statements during the last decade until this year.

Oh sure, we’ve had quite a few since Obama went in office coming from the so-called ‘Conservative’ faction.  Statements about Death Panels, statements comparing a national health care plan to the Nazi Third Reich and such like.  But nothing like what went on before during the Bush years.

 And, who can forget GW Bush’s absolute treasure trove of such things as:


"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions.  I can't answer your question.", or,

“ . . .I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God.”

(That one sort of reminds me former governor “Ma” Ferguson of Texas saying many years ago,  “If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for Texas.” )

And then, so much came from Bush’s staff, like White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer’s:

“It's incumbent on those who believe Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction to come forward and tell us where they are.”

And, from his Attorney General john Ashcroft:  “I feel the best way to ensure Americans' freedom is to tighten restrictions on that freedom in any way possible. Only through wiretaps, illegal searches and seizures, unfettered government intrusion, a controlled media and a complete crackdown on free speech can we ensure the liberties of all people." 

And, from Bush's FEMA director Michael Brown  after Hurricane Katrina:  "Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well." 

Of course Brown then received his deserved congratulations from President Bush at the time:  “You’re doing a heckuva job Brownie!”


(Maybe I'm making the rash assumption here that Bush was referring to the thorough brown-nosing job he was getting from Brownie.)

Dubya’s mother, not to be left out, when asked if she ever thought about the dead American soldiers returning home from Iraq replied sweetly:  "why should I waste my beautiful mind on that?" 

Maybe it’s a family thing because coming from his father before him was the delightful: “The Democrats just want to ram it down my ear with a victory!”

Sarah Palin all on her lonesome seems to be trying to file the void - with a bit of help from others.  One of my favorite Sarah Palin claims is her theory the “In God We Trust” motto (completely unconstitutional by the by) being moved to the edges of coins is a conspiracy by the Obama administration. In fact, the decision was made in 2007 under Bush and later reversed by Congress.  And who can ever forget Palin's claim about reading newspapers to Katie Couric: "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."


You betcha!

And I loved it when asked about her duties of Vice President she answered,  "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" 

Equally priceless is Palin’s remark made when resigning as governor of Alaska (quitting):  "It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out."

Congress often got into the Profoundly Stupid Statement act as well:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN):  "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

Sen. Orrin Hatch, (R-UT): “Capital punishment is our way of demonstrating the sanctity of life.”

Former Sen. Larry Craig, (R-ID):  "I have a wide stance." (After being caught soliciting gay sex in the men’s room at the airport)

Former Sen. Rick Santorum, (R-PA): “ Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"

Former Sen. Ted Stevens, (R-AK): "And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. "

Former Sen. Tom Delay, (R-TX), When told to stop smoking his cigar in a restaurant due to federal regulations:  "I AM the federal government."   Delay also once remarked:  "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills."

Former Governor Wally Hickel, (I-AK):  “You just can’t let nature run wild”

Former  U.S. Rep. Richard H. Baker (R-LA) after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans: “We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did.”

Rep. Mary Bono Mack, (R-CA):  “This Iraqi thing will blow over”

Of course other governors besides Sarah Palin got into the act:

California’s Arnold Schwarzenegger:  "I like the color red because it's a fire. And I see myself as always being on fire.”, and,  “ I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"

There was SC Governor Mark Sanford’s email to his Argentinian lover made public:  "I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night's light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”,

And Sanford’s remark when the details of his illicit affair became public knowledge :  This is "very damaging stuff"  (Who’d have ever thunk it?)

Even the Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele gets going:  “We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets."

Not to be left out, political commentators can not be stopped:

Rush Limbaugh claimed Mark Sanford would "not have had an illicit affair if his state had not been forced to take  stimulus money by the Obama Administration."  Rush claimed a depressed Sanford simply said “To hell with this!” and engaged in his affair after losing spirit.  I'm assuming he did this with a straight face.

Ann Coulter was quite succinct in saying:  "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." 

Hey, you just can’t make this stuff up!   I guess it may all just be part of a tradition going back many years:


“I’m the only person of distinction who has ever had a depression named for him.” ~  Republican President Herbert Hoover as the 'Great Depression' took hold.

For reasons of space, I am of course leaving out the Dan Quayle years here. There's a whole book in that guy in himself. But, unfortunately the eight years of GW Bush allowed him to push Quayle into second place.

And, sadly for we aficionados of Profoundly Stupid Statements, it looks like we’re going to be getting by on a bare minimum for a while.

Planning The Tea Party

"Hey! Let's have us a tea party!' Mad Hatter cried during his daily meeting before his broadcast on Fox News.

"O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! " Jabberwock chortled in his joy. "then, we can gyre and gimble in the wabe!"

"Yes! Yes! Let's! That's a marvelous idea!" enthused Cheshire Cat. "Whatever shall we call it then?"

"Why not have it on tax day, April 15th?" replied Mad Hatter. "Then we can call it the 'Tax Day Tea Party'. We should even go out on a limb and invite Alice too of course."

"Nay,nay," said Caterpillar. "she is but a moderate person and not what we could consider as a conservative. She doesn't fit with our agenda at all - in fact, I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find out she voted for Obama in the last election."

"I totally agree." said Cheshire Cat. "The last time I invited her here, last election, she left no doubt what she thought about us.

"`But I don't want to go among mad people,' she said.

`Oh, you can't help that,' I said: `we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.'

`How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice. `You must be,' I said, `or you wouldn't have come here.' "

"I don't care about that now!" said Mad Hatter. "We must take the chance. Our party will have no credibility at all if we don't invite everyone - even the moderates. We must be grassroots!"

"Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch!'' shouted Jabberwock.

"Quiet you blathering idiot!" sneered Mad Hatter. "Shut your damned pie hole! Else folks will think everyone in our group is as mad as me, or worse, you."

But then White Rabbit quietly intoned, "Yes, Quite. But, that's despite the fact we all are. We just can't let on is all. We must show that we in our party are all as normal as Alice or they'll never take us serious again. I think we've worn out that 'Fear Factor' thingy by now. No one is taking us serious anymore after that last election blowout. We gotta invite Alice and everyone else. We need a new gimmick!"

"Oh, come to my arms, my beamish boy! " exclaimed Jabberwock. "Exactlyish we mimsy are, burbling as we do! Terrierist! WMD's! Yellowcake! Al Qaeda! Praise the Lord!"

"Quiet, I've told you Jabberwock!' ordered Mad Hatter disgustedly. "Or, I'll have security escort you from the building!"

"Now, look here everyone. I'm the official leader and spokesman for this Party." the rotund cigar smoking beasty went on. " I'm the one who sets the rules and the policies while you're out all galumping around. Let's just get down to business, shall we? We can have everyone bring their own tea bags to this party. That will show the country and that socialist Obama how dead serious we are. I think tea bags are a very serious symbol, reminding everyone of the Boston Tea Party and how our patriots took back the country then, and took their own guns and installed our Christian God and Capitalism in our great country.

"Yeah," said Caterpillar. "Obama wants to destroy capitalism by raising taxes on the highest income Americans all the way up to about 10 percent less than under Reagan. If that's not socialism, I don't know what is! And, all that malarky about him going to Christian church all his life is just a smokescreen. Oh yes, he's devilish clever he is. He's planned his attack since the time he was six years old. He just wants to worm his way in so he can make Islam the official state religion for everyone!"

As Jabberwock could never remain silent for long, he now shouted out excitedly. "All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe! Terrierist! Terrierist!"

But now studiously ignoring Jabberwock, Mad Hatter continued. "Yes, all completely true Caterpillar. And Cheshire Cat, I think you should be in charge of organizing things. You should work behind the scenes and make it look and seem the tea party is a grassroots thing. That way, everyone will get the idea that conservative Republicans are still mainstream, no matter how mad and bizarre our politics have grown."

"Quite, quite." said Cheshire Cat, pleased with the responsibility. After all, playing second fiddle to Mad Hatter wasn't the most rewarding thing in the world, even if he did have his own broadcast show. This was his chance to really get his teeth into something meaty and maybe make himself stand out from the crowd.

But Caterpillar was troubled. "Whatever shall we do with all those tea bags which are sure to be turned in? We can't afford to be seen as littering if they're thrown on the ground or whatever."

"Hey! I know!" Cheshire Cat broke in. "We can mail them all to Obama. Then he'll be stuck with tons of the damned things and have a huge problem with what to do with them. That will make him look bad for sure. I know that should work better than attacking his dog Bo in the press did."

At this point White Rabbit interjected, his bald head glistening in the harsh overhead lighting: "You're all dreaming." he said. Obama is way too smart for you for that to have a chance. He'll just pack 'em up and ship them off somewhere as part of a 'African Stimulus Bill', or find a cure for AIDS with them or something. He's a wily devil I tell you, and not at all like our dear White Queen now back down there in Crawford, Texas twiddling his thumbs."

"Oh, you just had to bring him up!" Mad Hatter cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Oh how I miss him sitting there in the White House, clueless as he was. He was a dumb son of a bitch all right, but by God, he was OUR dumb son of a bitch!"

"And, we must never, ever lose sight of our sacred Republican creed." Mad Hatter bawled: "Gold, Guns and God!"

'Amens' where shouted as loud chorus of sincere agreement ran around the meeting room and everyone wiped their eyes.

"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves!" shouted Jabberwock as he took his vorpal sword in hand and left whiffling through the tulgey wood.


(My sincere apoligies to Lewis Carroll for my shameless twisting of his wonderful prose in The Mad Hatter's Tea Party.)

2008 Highlights & Gutbusters

The year 2008 in review:

The highlights of 2008 for me, and proof positive that the Easter Bunny gods sure do have a sense of humor:

1: The video of President Bush nimbly ducking two shoes thrown his way during a press conference;

2: Seeing the merry, fun-loving face of Alaska Senator Ted Stevens on the front page of the newspapers the day he was indicted;

3: Watching Sarah Palin's infamous 'turkey pardon' video;

4: Tina Fey playing Sarah Palin - simply by repeating Palin's words verbatim;

5: Ann Coulter's jaw being wired shut;

6: OJ's court conviction and sentence;

7: Elliot Spitzer's $1000/hour date who trashed his entire life and career;

8: John McCain's statement "the fundamentals of our economy are strong" one whole week before the biggest economic meltdown in over 70 years;

9: "Joe the plumber", who campaigned for McCain, and turned out to be a non-plumber, back-taxes-owing deadbeat;

10: And who can forget Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol - raised on the strict 'abstinence' principle - showing up 7 months pregnant right after Palin's selection as McCain's VP pick?

Yepper, there were lot's of other things too, and it sure turned out to be a gut-busting year all right!

Leaving town on the next thing smoking.

The Bush administration is packing up and looking for the next flight out of town.

Most can't wait.

Apparently, most of them are finally conceding to themselves what the rest of the country - and the world - have known for some time now. They are in a rush to put anything associated with the two Bush administrations and the last eight years behind them.

That's with the possible exception of president George W. Bush himself and his wife Laura of course. Bush's White House office has issued a two page letter of instructions to cabinet members telling them to emphasize the 'successes' of his presidency.

Successes? SUCCESSES?

The Bush White House - at taxpayer expense of course - established a formal 'Bush Legacy Team' to work on the official 'Bush Legacy Plan'. The White House sent a 2-page memo with 'talking points' to cabinet members and other high ranking administration officials entitled, "Speech Topper on the Bush Record".

The reason?

To burnish the official record of a president with the lowest approval rating on record - 24% and still falling. "What we have in mind with these documents is we feel the president's many accomplishments haven't been given the attention they deserve and in some cases have been purposely ignored," explained Carlton Carroll, a White House spokesman.

Accomplishments? ACCOMPLISHMENTS? Apparently self delusion knows no boundaries!

The memo totally fails any mention of the colossal and record setting FAILURES of the Bush administrations:

An illegal war costing upwards of a trillion dollars and many thousands of lives;

The illegal denial of habeas corpus and detention for hundreds of people without charges for upwards of seven years;

The Abu Garaib (and other) torture scandals;

The illegal wiretapping without warrants of American citizens;

The wholesale attacks on the US Constitution;

Unprecedented attacks on environmental laws and regulations on the books for decades, in favor of giant corporations;

Tax breaks for the very richest people in the country while ignoring the needs of the less fortunate - including returning veterans of overseas wars;

The most devastating damage and destruction of the economy of the United States and the entire world since the Great Depression;

The list goes on and on - but you get the drift.

The president's wife Laura Bush has also been enlisted in the effort, and appeared on a ABC's 'Nightline' and loyally championed her husband saying, "I think the history book says he's a very, very strong president."

Maybe so. But, methinks not.

Perhaps there's no more iconic and illustrative example of the ineptness of Bush et al than the loss of the Bush Library's web site domain name 'WBushLibrary.com.' The name had been purchased from a private citizen who had foreseen its value and reserved the name. The Bush Library Foundation paid $3,000 for it just last year. However, through oversight, it was allowed to expire, was grabbed up by an alert 'cyber squatter' and the foundation was then forced to repurchase the domain name - this time for $35,000!

No one can deny some serious burnishment was not sorely needed needed for a president who was not even allowed to attend his own party's national convention in September! Neither was his Vice President, who, along with Bush was avoided like the plague by other high party members.

Sad really.

George's Winter of Discontent

The president of the United States is a person favored by fortune and circumstance. He has lived a charmed life until now. As a child he had everything. His rich and important father, for whom he was named, was able to provide everything of a material nature for his children. Anything George, Jr. could wish or ask for was instantly provided. This material largesse followed him throughout his life.

When little George faltered, his father was quickly there to support him and pick him up whenever needed. His father's lofty political position allowed him to pull strings to get little George a safe, cushy spot in the Texas National Guard which made it possible for the son to avoid actual military duty during war time. And, when little George did not even bother to fulfill his minimal duties in the guard, there were no consequences. None whatever. The president's father provided loans when little George's business failed. By political arm twisting, the father got his son into an ownership deal with the Texas Rangers ball club which made the son personally rich beyond his wildest dreams.

Then, when it was time, the president's father provided the money and expertise to get his son successfully elected to political office. Little George never looked back, and with his father's continued help he was catapulted into the highest political office in the United States and the world - the US presidency. Little George didn't even break a sweat.

Even as president, George hardly lifted a finger. His father continued to provide massive support in the form of money, political help and advice from members of his own earlier presidential cabinet. Little George, total fraud that he was, coasted thru most of his first administration, oblivious as always to realties. Perhaps it was the boredom, but whatever it was, little George could not restrain himself from meddling. After all, he WAS the president, wasn't he?

So, with a bit of subterfuge, and a lot bending of facts, and a great deal of deceit, little Georgie started an illegal war and became by his own words, the 'War President'.

Feeling his oats, he blustered and bragged, 'Wanted, Dead Or Alive!' and 'Bring It On!' and then 'Mission Accomplished!', though like everything else in his life heretofore, it was all fantasy. But, a problem emerged when he began to believe his own fantasies and lies, and full of his own ego, started to reject the advice of his older, wiser father and other people with real actual experience.

By now, believing himself omnipotent, and ignoring all advice from others, little George stubbornly and blindly persisted in pursuing his failures, which were became more glaringly obvious to the entire world daily. No matter - the one single thing little George is very good at, is ignoring reality. But, big problem. Now that George had blithely moved off the path charted by his father and others, there is no one left to accept responsibility except George, his very own self. For the first time in his life the ball has stopped in George's own court.

And, it is not a pretty picture. There are glaring failures in every direction, and everywhere you look. The war is being lost, George's political party is in meltdown, high level people are quitting or being fired everywhere, the economy is on the verge of collapse, there are scandals throughout his administration.

After a life of denial of reality, the chickens are finally coming home to roost. The buck has stopped abruptly, and dropped heavily, soddenly like a hunk of lead, right in George's lap. For the first time in his life, little Georgie is staring reality right in the face.

It is the real beginning of his first and only Winter of Discontent.