Your Tax Dollars At Work - The Ongoing Saga of Glen Ith

Glen Ith was a wildlife biologist for the US Forest Service in Alaska, on the Tongass National Forest.  Was, as in the past tense, for Glen Ith is now dead.  He died four days after being summarily fired from his job, following 16 months of exile to a back room office.  Why?  He dared to expose the US Forest Service’s hypocritically arrogant decision to ignore federal law.  More specifically, the arrogance came from particular individuals within the US Forest Serve who imperiously decided their opinions were more important than federal law.

Glen Ith was a whistle blower who paid the ultimate price for his dedication to truth.  He had a well-earned reputation for dedication to his work as well.  He took the US Forest Service to court twice - and prevailed both times.  But that didn’t stop management in the US Forest from spending buckets of taxpayer dollars to pursue and harass him relentlessly, and ultimately terminate his career after a lifetime of dedication to his work.  Indeed, that was the very reason for it, and only added fuel to their determination to destroy him personally. Ith’s story is a saga of greed, arrogance, malfeasance, and ultimately, egregious human tragedy.

This is a story the American people should hear.  Fortunately for Ith’s widow, and under a new, friendlier and more open administration, an investigation has now been reopened in his case.

The investigation is just now getting underway. There are hundreds of internal  USFS documents pertaining to case, and there is a strong possibility high-level heads may roll for their complicity in Glen Ith’s tragedy, I believe. A close reading of the documents in that case can only lead a lay person to the conclusion of a campaign against Mr. Ith by management in the USFS. You can almost hear their collective sigh of relief at his unexpected death.  But, only time can tell on that.

An underlying problem, and partial cause for the alleged malfeasance is the underlying culture of the USFS management itself. I suppose something similar must be true for any large federal bureaucracy - but I know about the Forest Service arrogance from personal experience. There is nothing like the disdain and sneering arrogance higher management in the Forest Service has for anyone who dares oppose them. I have personally been on the receiving end of Forrest Cole’s sneering disdain myself. Forrest Cole is the current Tongass National  Forest’s manager, and was Glen Ith’s principle antagonist.

The US National Forest system comprises 193 million acres nationwide - and almost 17 million acres are in Alaska’s Tongass National Forest - almost 9% of the total. The Tongass is an integral part of the overall economy of Southeast Alaska, and most of the communities there are surrounded by the forest, including Alaska’s capital city, Juneau. Like the rest of America’s national forests, the Tongass was heavily logged during the 20th century, usually under sweetheart deals with the lumber companies. But, fortunately due to its remoteness, not quite to the same degree. Some US National Forests, particularly in the east have essentially been 100% logged and none of original forests are left. The Tongass still has an estimated 30% of the original old growth forest left.

The congressional mandate (law) to the US Forest Service under the National Forest Management Act (NFMA) is to:

“insure consideration of the economic and environmental aspects of various systems of renewable resource management, including the related systems of silviculture and protection of forest resources, to provide for outdoor recreation (including wilderness), range, timber, watershed, wildlife, and fish;”

and to,

“provide for diversity of plant and animal communities based on the suitability and capability of the specific land area in order to meet overall multiple-use objectives, and within the multiple-use objectives of a land management plan adopted pursuant to this section, provide, where appropriate, to the degree practicable, for steps to be taken to preserve the diversity of tree species similar to that existing in the region controlled by the plan;”

It is left largely up to the USFS, under the constraints of applicable law as to how to do this. Thus the sometimes ambiguity of the decision making processes. Further, many in the management hierarchy of the USFS are influenced by other factors, beginning with their educations. Most national forest managers come out of university forestry programs, whose emphasis is on the wood fiber production for industry.  Few people out of the wildlife or environmental sciences make it into management due to the service’s traditional culture. This means there is a strong inclination for timber production - tree farming if you will. In fact, most national forests in the eastern United States are de facto tree farms today.

Further still, due to traditional management culture, many in Forest Service management are personally and naturally close to the players in the timber production industry, and openly favor their side in negotiations between other interest groups. There are some exceptions to this tradition of course, but they are few and far between. It is very illustrative to read the USFS’ justifications for logging the Tongass as a testament to obfuscation, denial and distortion, not to mention an almost complete failure to address the questions asked.

As a fiscal conservative, one of the most interesting USFS comments to me is “Profitability is not a yardstick used for evaluating the performance of the national forest timber sale program.”

Indeed it is not! It is estimated that every private timber job on the Tongass National Forest costs the US taxpayer over $141,000!

* For nearly a century, timber companies have enjoyed open access to national forest resources. Until very recently, the access has been essentially unrestrained. But this access costs everyone else. The federal logging program on federal lands now loses over One Billion Dollars annually - Plus over Two Billion more if community offsetting payments are added in. And due to its remoteness, it costs much more proportionally on the Tongass National Forest. In the last few years for example, the timber sales program on the Tongass cost the US taxpayer over between 30 and 50 million dollars PER YEAR over and above receipts for the trees.  Nonetheless, the FS claims with straight faces timber sales are not subsidized and simultaneously claim,  'profitability is not a yardstick'.

C'mon now! All this is enough to drive a fiscal conservative right over the edge! May Glen Ith’s crucifixion not have been in vain . . . .

FURTHER READING:

Your Tax Dollars at work
Logging in Alaska
The Tongass National Forest
National Geographic Report on the Tongass
Daily Kos

* With a great deal of political help and back room deals - Recent timeline: (Source:  SE Alaska Conservation Council):

"2003 Settlement between Forest Service and State of Alaska over Roadless Rule:  Secret negotiations between Undersecretary of Agriculture Mark Rey, former timber lobbyist and Jim Clark, former attorney for Alaska Forest Association and then chief-of-staff for Governor Frank Murkowski, result in settlement where Forest Service agrees to propose rule that exempts Tongass from the Roadless Rule."

"2003 Roadless Rule Exemption:  The Bush administration exempts the Tongass from Roadless Rule protections on December 23, 2003. "

Does Religion Make You Stupid, Fat, Poor, and Sick?

Religion may be bad for your health, butt, mind and wallet!

Recently in MOBILE, Alabama Republican gubernatorial candidate Bradley Byrne  stated publicly:

    "I believe that the Bible is the word of God. That’s my faith. I believe the Bible is true. Every word of it,"

Byrne’s main competition, Republican candidate Tim James of Greenville, Alabama said, "I believe in the literal interpretation, that the holy Bible is the inspired word of God. Period," Even the Democratic contenders all claim personal belief in the Bible, if not in the literal words therein.

And, that’s exactly what the good people of Alabama want to hear.  Along with almost all of the other southern states, the people of Alabama are mostly good Bible-thumping citizens. In fact, any gubernatorial candidate who hopes to be elected to the top job in any state in the Old South doesn’t stand a chance unless he or she can prove they can thump the Bible with the best of them. And, that would be the Good Book - the Christian Bible, King James version preferably.

Some words in the Bible taken literally are pretty draconian.  For example:

Exodus 35:2 commands a person be put to death for working on the Sabbeth;

Deuteronomy 21:18-21 commands that a stubborn child be put to death;

Deuteronomy 22:13-21 commands a new wife to be stoned to death if not a virgin;

Leviticus 21:16-23 forbids handicapped people from church;

I Timothy 2:9 forbids women with braided hair, gold or pearls in church;

Jeremiah 10:2-8 forbids Christmas trees at Christmas;

Leviticus forbids eating pork, shellfish or rabbit - but allows us all the locusts we want!

If the Bible were actually taken and acted upon seriously and literally,  and considering some of the above, there would not be enough people left to vote a governor into office!  But that doesn't stop people from saying they believe every literal word in the Bible.  In reality, thankfully, they ignore many of the Bible's commands - and it's a good thing they do too or a whole lot of us would be in very serious trouble.  But even so, religion might not be all that wonderful.  Oh sure, it is a comfort and solace for many people, but is it good for society as a whole?  Statistics say maybe not.

Mississippi for example tops the charts in the US with 82% religiosity. Maybe no real correlation can be proven, but Mississippi also happens to be #1 in obesity  #1 in poverty levels, #2 in illiteracy, and #2 in overall bad health levels.

And Alabama,  #2 in religiosity, is #1 in obesity, #7  in poverty, #8  in illiteracy and #6 in bad health.

Then there's Louisiana at #4 in religiosity, is tied for #7 in obesity, is #1 in poverty, #7 in illiteracy and #1 in bad health.

On the other hand Vermont, which is #50 in religiosity, is tied for next to last in obesity, is 4th from last in poverty, is #50 in illiteracy and #50 in bad health.

And Massachusetts,  #46 in religiosity, is last in obesity, #46  in poverty,#49  in illiteracy and #47 in bad health.

Hmmmm - - is there something going on here?  Do these statistics mean anything?

These are merely statistics, but to me they represent a state of mind - a state of mind which seems to closely correlate with expense and detriment for our country and grief for our society.  You may check these statistics (and many others as well) for yourself by referring to this excellent web site:  THE STATEMASTER.

Often a graphical view can be very illustrative - so I have prepared a few charts and present them below.  I have always suspected this, but the actual statistics were a real eye-opener for me. These charts show  curves driven by data from all 50 states, with the highest in religiosity on the left.  Click on the charts to expand:

 

It is perhaps also noteworthy that surveys show the BEST states to live in by lifestyle are ALL outside the south.  In fact, the highest southern state by rank is Florida which comes in at a dismal 37th out of 50, even if it is the famous 'Sunshine State'.  ALL other southern states fall below that!  Not coincidentally, Mississippi comes in "DFL" ('Dead Freaking Last')!

Whoo Boy!

I'm now thinking about moving to Vermont or New Hampshire!

How, When and Why I Gave Up Religion

I am not a religious person. I want to clear that up right off the bat.  In fact, I think I can qualify these days as anti-religious - as in anti ALL religions. But, once I was religious, at least as much as an adolescent boy can be. At the age of twelve I had convinced myself I wanted to become a ‘Preacher’, and announced the fact at church before my proud grandmother. I grew up living with my grandparents for big chunks of my childhood, so my grandmother exerted a lot of influence over me.  My grandmother herself was the daughter of a Methodist preacher you see.

My grandmother told me stories of her father who died long before I was born.  He was a ‘Stump Preacher’ in the North Georgia mountains. That meant he had a small country church somewhere near Dahlonega, Georgia and ran a ‘circuit’, preaching around about. He took his sermons out into the hills several times each month to bring the ‘Word of the Lord’ to those who were too far away to attend his little church. Stump preachers sometimes stood on stumps in the wilderness to deliver sermons, hence the name. One story about my great-grandfather which sticks in mind was the time he preached in a logging camp somewhere in the Georgia hills. At the time the big lumber companies were busily cutting down all the hardwood forests all over the Allegheny Mountains, from Maine to Georgia.

One evening around 1910, Preacher MacDonald - that was his name - was standing on a stump delivering a fiery sermon to the men at the logging camp by lamplight. One  logger, apparently drunk, started heckling him. After pausing a few times to admonish the man and call for quiet, my great-grandfather finally lost his patience - obviously not possessing too large a stock to begin with. Stepping down from his stump my preacher ancestor carefully placed his worn bible there. Then he strode purposely up to the inebriated logger and knocked him flat with his fist, and completely unconscious. My grandmother told me this was not at all unusual - she had witnessed similar things several times.  Preacher MacDonald was of the opinion no one got to heckle the ‘Word of the Lord’ without suffering the consequences. And, he was a large man with the will and the punch to enforce his opinion. My grandmother said that little hillside congregation was extraordinarily quiet, respectful and attentive for the rest of her Dad’s sermon that  evening, and when the collection hat was passed around it was filled to overflowing.

I have one single picture of my great-grandfather. He is standing by my great-grandmother staring at the camera with his fierce hawk-like eyes, wearing a Stetson sort of hat and a carefully combed beard and sweeping mustache, looking a lot like pictures you see of Wild Bill Hickok.

When I lived with my grandparents, I went to church - whether I wanted to or not. My brothers and sisters did too - it was expected and part of our weekly routine.  But that didn’t mean I liked it. Besides messing around with the girls during Sunday School, there was not a whole lots to recommend it, in my opinion. The preaching bored the absolute bejesus out of me. To this day I can’t remember one single sermon I listened to, except the time the preacher was sick and one of the church members got up to tell about how he had once been an alcoholic until religion turned his life around. I remember vividly his telling about how he would steal absolutely anything to get enough money to buy more liquor.

He told a riveting tale about being so corrupted by stealing he got in the habit of stealing even when he didn’t need to. He said one time he was out in the woods and there was absolutely nothing to steal, so he took off his shoes and placed them at the base of a tree - then sneaked back up to steal them. I still believe him.

When I turned sixteen I got my driver’s license. As a farm kid I had been driving since the age of eight or so anyway, and could drive anything on the farm from a mule to a John Deere tractor to a two and a half-ton log truck. Any automobile was a piece of cake. And like most farm kids I loved to go fast - so whenever I had the car to myself I did.

One Saturday afternoon, my brother and I were out ‘scooter-pooting’ around in the car. When we got to the paved road I floored the old Chevy and got up to about 90 MPH or so. Things went fine until we rounded a curve in a sliding turn and met the biggest bootlegger in the county taking the air in his big, yellow Cadillac. I was pretty well out of control and couldn’t do much other than try to keep the Chevy on the pavement - so our bootlegger neighbor had to take to the ditch in his big, fine Cadillac. My brother and I did not stop. But, old Marcus the bootlegger knew who we were all right. When you live in a small community, that’s just the way it is. Ordinarily Marcus might have complained to my grandfather, who would have dealt with the situation. But Marcus and my grandfather were bitter enemies - and not on speaking terms. In fact, my grandfather was so ornery he was not on good speaking terms with a fairly large number of our neighbors - and due to that, my brother and I could, and often did get away with almost anything.

But Marcus was not one to let it go. It so happened he was also a senior deacon at our church. And, oh yes, everyone in church knew what he did for a living; made, hauled and sold bootleg moonshine liquor. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a deacon in our church, at least in that day and time and place.

Next Sunday when my family sat there in church, my brother and I were perhaps smirking a little at old Marcus’ glowering looks. So, we were surprised when Marcus asked the preacher if he could say a few words. Being allowed, and without preamble he launched into a spittle flinging personal attack on two teenage boys - my brother and me, by name, right there in church, in front of God and everybody else.  We were called hooligans and worse. It was shocking and humiliating, as I’m sure Marcus fully intended. The rest of the congregation sat there transfixed, and nodding as in agreement with Marcus, with many a superior, snide glance over at my brother and me.

But it was also infuriating. Here was this sanctimonious criminal bastard venting his spleen on two rowdy boys in front of a congregation apparently in full agreement - and he was the biggest crook in the county! And, everyone knew it!

It was enough for me. I must have some of my great-grandfather’s short temper in me, because all I could see was red. I leapt to my feet and shouted, “That’s it! You God-damned bastards will never catch my randy red, rawboned ass in this God-damned church ever again! Or any God-damned church for that matter! You can all have your God-damned bootlegging deacon, and I’ll never set foot in any church ever again and you can all kiss my ass!”  (My grandfather was a great example to learn swearing from!)

With that I got up and stomped out - and my entire family did too, including my grandmother - my grandfather seldom went to church - I think maybe he had already figured things out. I was never so proud of my family as on that Sunday morning. And, you know what’s a fact? I've stuck to that vow too, my whole life. The only times I’ve ever been near a church since was to a funeral or a wedding. I do make concessions for those. But, I still don’t have to like ‘em, do I? And, I certainly don’t.

Looking back on it now after all these years, I realized that old man Marcus actually did me a huge favor. Besides saving all those hours I might have otherwise wasted by attending church simply because I was expected to, that single event opened my eyes to the realities of religion. Next to my divorce from my first wife, and my final discharge from the US Marines,  that was about the most freeing event in my entire life. By forcing me to take a good long hard, reality based look at religion and churches I came to realize what shams and huge Ponzi schemes all of it is. And, in time I have realized this is true of all religions, be whatever they are. And, one of the worst parts is how they all incessantly fight one another.

The amounts of wasted money, treasure, lives and destruction due to religions are staggeringly immeasurable and uncountable. The grief caused by religions over the milleniums is incalculable. All religions I know are dangerous, irrational fantasies based on fear and punishment. Any belief in a mystical metaphysical boogeyman, residing in an imagined 'Heaven', rewarding those who believe and never-ending punishment to those who do not, is, in and of itself,  an irrational fantasy;

I’ve decided to enjoy my Heaven right here on earth, right now.  So, please tell the ‘faithful’ not to waste time praying for my poor, rotten, disbelieving, sinful soul,  I’m gonna put my bets on the Tooth Fairy!

Sarah Palin is NOT the Wicked, Whacko Witch of the West!

Sarah Palin is an extraordinarily special person. God takes the time to directly plan for her. That’s what she said after her nomination to be Senator John McCain’s Vice Presidential running mate according to Steve Schmidt, McCain’s top campaign strategist. Schmidt said he asked Palin about her serenity in the face of becoming "one of the most famous people in the world." He quoted her as saying, "It's God's plan."But who’s to know really? Schmidt also said Palin was inaccurate and not truthful  - which we all know can not be so. By now everyone recognizes how well Sarah Palin always and invariably adheres to the strict, literal truth. She carefully checks all her facts and sticks strictly to reality.  Always and no ifs, ands or buts.

But, what is really bothering me is this: If God is directly making plans for Sarah Palin, what about the rest of us? Will God have any time left for the rest of us, or are we just not special enough? And, another thing - exactly which God is taking all this time to do Sarah Palin’s planning?  Jehovah?  Allah?  Jesus?  Thor? Or, is it the creator Sun God Ra, or the Egyptian Cow Goddess Bat? I am really, really seriously discomfited by all this. I suppose I am just confused by all the multiplicity of gods out there and having a lot of trouble deciding which one to follow, or to ask to intercede on my behalf. After all, there are thousands of gods out there.

But Sarah Palin does not have this problem. She obviously knows EXACTLY which God to invoke. That right there gives you some idea of how very special she is, which brings up another, entirely new question for me: What the dickens makes Sarah Palin so darned special anyway? Was she special born - like Jesus? Did she win some secret God lottery? Did the Pope appoint her? Like I said, I am confused.

There is one thing we really do know for sure about Sarah Palin: She probably no longer has any Devils, Witches or Evil Demons left in her.   Maybe she did before, but no more! That’s because they were all exorcised in a public ceremony at the Assembly of God Church in Wasilla, Alaska.

Unless of course some Evil Demons or Witches have somehow re-entered her since somehow. But, Sarah is so special I just can’t see that happening. That will lay to rest all those insinuations by anyone who disagrees with her - characterized as “Vicious Palin Haters” by Sarah’s supporters.

Some even go around claiming Sarah Palin is really is the ‘Wicked, Whacko, Witch of the West” and hoping an Alaskan farmhouse will fall on her.  But, some God or the other must have different plans for Sarah Palin.  Like becoming the 2012 presidential nominee for the Teabagger Party and totally spoiling that election for Republicans.

But, I could be wrong. She might also simply just self-destruct or disappear, like a Cheeto at a Weight Watcher's meeting.

* Update: As this little story was being written, a larger event was taking place.  The Fox News cable channel announced Palin will be joining their network.

“I am thrilled to be joining the great talent and management team at Fox News. It’s wonderful to be part of a place that so values fair and balanced news.” Palin said.

Oh, Yeah!

This places Palin squarely astride the network which also includes another renowned flatulist, indeed, the very founder of the Teabagger phenomenon. I can see the bumper stickers now:  “The Flatulist and Beckerhead - 2012: Unum saltum et siffletum et unum bumbulum”

Fox Network Blowback

A few weeks ago the FOX Network wanted to charge other cable networks for programming including bowl games upon which they (FOX) hold as exclusives.   It created an uproar between other cable companies and Fox because the bowl games were coming up.  They would have no choice but to pass the increased costs on to their subscribers - about $1 each I believe - and subscribers are already in revolt.  Maybe our collective memories are very short, but one original promise by cable companies was they would provide programming WITHOUT ADVERTISING.  Yeah, right.  That sure didn't last long did it?

During the stand-off and in retaliation, Time-Warner Cable started a 'Roll Over or Get Tough' campaign and publicly posted a video scenario to bypass the networks and watch almost anything online, albeit a day late.  Amazing!  I find the original Get Tough posting has disappeared, but it was downloaded and is still available through other sources.

I found you can watch practically anything from any network online.  There are several online sources for this, and one very popular one called "HULU".  If the graphics card in your computer can handle this, it's sure worth a try.  If so, you are home free and can watch anything you want on your computer.  But, here's the best part:

Time-Warner demonstrates a way to connect a computer to a HDTV and watch whatever you wish on the big screen. The quality is good in HD - darned near like cable HD.  I've now rigged things up so my wife and I can either watch regular cable TV (We have only the basic cable and don't get many shows beyond the standard religious and shopping trash), or switch back to the TV and watch the regular TV shows. 

When online, just search through the TV shows or movies you want and click on which episode you want to watch - that's it!  One very nice thing is you can choose to watch a short one to two minute ad at the beginning - which are just movie previews anyway, and then there are no commercial interruptions during the show!

You will need a fast, late model computer with plenty of RAM (at least 1G) and a high quality graphics card.  (You can easily check your computer by going online and trying for yourself - the quality you see there will be what your TV will reproduce).

**Shorthand, step-by-step method - How to rig your computer to your HD TV:

1. Make sure you have either an S-Video port, a DVI of a mini DVI output port on your computer (see video in 'other sources' link above);

2. Check your TV to see which connection port(s) it has. You will need to buy a cable which will connect the two. I.e., DVI to HDMI, S-Video to S-Video, or Mini-DVI to HDMI. Cables are available online - search by using the words “DVI to HDMI cable” or whatever. You can also buy them at Best Buy or other electronics retail outlets, but usually cost more there. You can also get them in many lengths;

3. You may need a separate audio cable to go from the speaker port on your computer to the audio input on the TV depending on the type connections you have. If you have a HDMI port on both components, it should already include the audio portion;

4. Plug everything together and power up both the TV and The computer. You will need to configure your computer so the output graphics goes to your TV. I have an Apple computer so it is more or less plug and play. I only had to tweak the display preferences after I got things up and running to make everything fit on the TV Screen. I don’t know how complicated it is on a PC. I am sure you can find out how to do it online. (Here are the instructions from eHow.com);

(Note: Be sure to turn your computers ’sleep’ function to off so it doesn’t shut down your viewing in mid-show)

5. Go the appropriate website (HULU, Fancast, Snagfilms, etc.) and tune in to whatever program you wish. (Note: One great thing is almost any program or movie can be paused, rewound or resumed just like in a DVD player);

6. Go to your TV menu and choose ‘Source’. Switch the source input to whichever port(s) you have used to connect (HDMI/DVI, PC, AV, etc.);

7. Pick up your TV remote and enjoy the show just like any other show! (Note: My Apple laptop came with its own handy remote - but many PC laptops also are so equipped I assume.)

So, thanks for being such predatory, mercenary jerks FOX Network!  That makes things doubly sweet for me! I would not have known about this otherwise. 

Here are some program source Links:

http://www.hulu.com/
http://www.fancast.com/
http://www.snagfilms.com/

** This has been my experience only. I offer this information and assume no responsibility for any mistakes or difficulties you may encounter! In other words, you’re on your own!

Profoundly Stupid Statements

I am bereft.  Maybe it was the holidays and people were focused on other things.  But, I am feeling so starved lately for Profoundly Stupid Statements.  Since the change of administrations a year ago there has been a real drought of really, Profoundly Stupid Statements.  I think we all got spoiled by the absolute surfeit of Profoundly Stupid Statements during the last decade until this year.

Oh sure, we’ve had quite a few since Obama went in office coming from the so-called ‘Conservative’ faction.  Statements about Death Panels, statements comparing a national health care plan to the Nazi Third Reich and such like.  But nothing like what went on before during the Bush years.

 And, who can forget GW Bush’s absolute treasure trove of such things as:


"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions.  I can't answer your question.", or,

“ . . .I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God.”

(That one sort of reminds me former governor “Ma” Ferguson of Texas saying many years ago,  “If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough for Texas.” )

And then, so much came from Bush’s staff, like White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer’s:

“It's incumbent on those who believe Iraq has no weapons of mass destruction to come forward and tell us where they are.”

And, from his Attorney General john Ashcroft:  “I feel the best way to ensure Americans' freedom is to tighten restrictions on that freedom in any way possible. Only through wiretaps, illegal searches and seizures, unfettered government intrusion, a controlled media and a complete crackdown on free speech can we ensure the liberties of all people." 

And, from Bush's FEMA director Michael Brown  after Hurricane Katrina:  "Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well." 

Of course Brown then received his deserved congratulations from President Bush at the time:  “You’re doing a heckuva job Brownie!”


(Maybe I'm making the rash assumption here that Bush was referring to the thorough brown-nosing job he was getting from Brownie.)

Dubya’s mother, not to be left out, when asked if she ever thought about the dead American soldiers returning home from Iraq replied sweetly:  "why should I waste my beautiful mind on that?" 

Maybe it’s a family thing because coming from his father before him was the delightful: “The Democrats just want to ram it down my ear with a victory!”

Sarah Palin all on her lonesome seems to be trying to file the void - with a bit of help from others.  One of my favorite Sarah Palin claims is her theory the “In God We Trust” motto (completely unconstitutional by the by) being moved to the edges of coins is a conspiracy by the Obama administration. In fact, the decision was made in 2007 under Bush and later reversed by Congress.  And who can ever forget Palin's claim about reading newspapers to Katie Couric: "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."


You betcha!

And I loved it when asked about her duties of Vice President she answered,  "As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" 

Equally priceless is Palin’s remark made when resigning as governor of Alaska (quitting):  "It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out."

Congress often got into the Profoundly Stupid Statement act as well:

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN):  "I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence."

Sen. Orrin Hatch, (R-UT): “Capital punishment is our way of demonstrating the sanctity of life.”

Former Sen. Larry Craig, (R-ID):  "I have a wide stance." (After being caught soliciting gay sex in the men’s room at the airport)

Former Sen. Rick Santorum, (R-PA): “ Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?"

Former Sen. Ted Stevens, (R-AK): "And again, the Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. "

Former Sen. Tom Delay, (R-TX), When told to stop smoking his cigar in a restaurant due to federal regulations:  "I AM the federal government."   Delay also once remarked:  "Guns have little or nothing to do with juvenile violence. The causes of youth violence are working parents who put their kids into daycare, the teaching of evolution in the schools, and working mothers who take birth control pills."

Former Governor Wally Hickel, (I-AK):  “You just can’t let nature run wild”

Former  U.S. Rep. Richard H. Baker (R-LA) after Hurricane Katrina devastated New Orleans: “We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did.”

Rep. Mary Bono Mack, (R-CA):  “This Iraqi thing will blow over”

Of course other governors besides Sarah Palin got into the act:

California’s Arnold Schwarzenegger:  "I like the color red because it's a fire. And I see myself as always being on fire.”, and,  “ I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman"

There was SC Governor Mark Sanford’s email to his Argentinian lover made public:  "I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificent gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself (or two magnificent parts of yourself) in the faded glow of the night's light - but hey, that would be going into sexual details…”,

And Sanford’s remark when the details of his illicit affair became public knowledge :  This is "very damaging stuff"  (Who’d have ever thunk it?)

Even the Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele gets going:  “We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets."

Not to be left out, political commentators can not be stopped:

Rush Limbaugh claimed Mark Sanford would "not have had an illicit affair if his state had not been forced to take  stimulus money by the Obama Administration."  Rush claimed a depressed Sanford simply said “To hell with this!” and engaged in his affair after losing spirit.  I'm assuming he did this with a straight face.

Ann Coulter was quite succinct in saying:  "My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times Building." 

Hey, you just can’t make this stuff up!   I guess it may all just be part of a tradition going back many years:


“I’m the only person of distinction who has ever had a depression named for him.” ~  Republican President Herbert Hoover as the 'Great Depression' took hold.

For reasons of space, I am of course leaving out the Dan Quayle years here. There's a whole book in that guy in himself. But, unfortunately the eight years of GW Bush allowed him to push Quayle into second place.

And, sadly for we aficionados of Profoundly Stupid Statements, it looks like we’re going to be getting by on a bare minimum for a while.

Favorite Limericks

Limericks are a few of my favorite things.  Most limericks by nature are traditionally racy, antomical or scatalogical.  This is how Wikipedia describes them:

The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

However, I find that not so true as generally believed.  I've discovered limericks may be used in other contexts too, particularly for political humor - if there is such a thing.  A limerick may be clean, and contain political humor.  And of course, combined with the racy, doubly funny - at least to me.

Ogden Nash in the 1930's, 40's and 50's was the absolute master of the genre - and if you have never read him, I urge you to sample his witticisms. Here is a few typical Ogden Nash limerick from years ago.
 

An elderly bride of Port Jervis
Was quite understandably nervis
Since her apple-cheeked groom
With three wives in the tomb
Kept insuring her during the servis

There was a young girl from old Natchez
Whose garments were always in patchez
When she was asked why
She was wont to reply
'Cause whenever Ah itchez - Ah scratchez..

A novelist of the absurd
Has a voice that will shortly be heard
I learn from my spies
He's about to devise
An unprintable three letter word

There once was a girl from Madras,
Who had a most magnificent ass,
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think,
But, was grey, had long ears and ate grass!

Over the years I've created limericks of my own, a few of which I will share here:

A MARINE FROM JACKSONVILLE
Once a young marine from Jacksonville
Tried seducing a girl with all his skill.
She turned him away with a sexy grin,
Saying, ‘I’ve no time for you my friend,
And, while I won’t do it my billy goat will.”

THE US CONGRESS
Of the US Congress, who can say?
Why they plot, sellout, stall or delay?
All we absolutely know for sure,
Their results resemble horse manure,
And the public always the ones who pay.

AN OLD REPLUBLICAN QUEER
An old Republican queer named Pete,
Minced as he walked down the street,
Wearing a shirt of bright red,
He smirked as he said,
I may not be thtrong, but I’m thweet!

A DEMOCRAT IN A TOYOTA
A Democrat out driving a Toyota,
Ran over a Republican Voter.
‘Thank goodness!’ he cried,
“He was on the wrong side,”
“And I don’t blame myself one iota!”

*CONGRESSMAN DON YOUNG
Alaskans giggled all a-tittering,
While Don Young sputtered, eyes a-glittering,
"Someone's pretending, who is he?"
"No one's a bigger twit than me!"
"What bastard is doing all my twittering?"

*Composed after Alaska Congressman Don Young discovered someone was 'Twittering' in his name.

AN OLD MAN FROM MAINE
There once was an old man from Maine,
Who down south one summer exclaimed,
"It's so Goddamned hot here,
I swear to be not here,
Ever in my life again!"

And, here is one by an unknown author, and with several versions. It is one of my all-time favorites:

 There was an old whore in Khartoum,

Who took a queer up to her room,

They spent the entire damned night,

In one HELL of a fight,

About who should do what and to whom.

 

Oh yes, maybe limericks are sophomoric, but they sure are fun!