Friday, August 05, 2005

* * * News Flash * * *

Major emergency surgery is being planned for Chicago Sun-Times columnist Robert Novak after he lurched off CNN TV’s program “Inside Politics” yesterday. Physicians plan to install an experimental artificial backbone to replace his current missing one.

The incident happened just after James Carville (AKA “The Ragin’ Cajun’) got in a couple of good zingers and then laughed at Novak, who then completely lost control. Apparently some deviant synapses had caused what little backbone he had to collapse completely.

The surgery is scheduled for Monday and if successful will be recommended as mandatory, particularly for George W. Bush, Richard Cheney, Karl Rove and for Neo-Cons in general.

Experts who have been working on a crash program to address the Neo-Cons’ common problems of hypocrisy, lying, fraud and deceit however have had little success.

“Those problems are all interrelated with the lack of backbone issue, but are very difficult to cure because you must at least have some good base material to start with first .” Said one expert.

“Neo-Con contamination by mystic religious fundamentalism, severely challenged personal ethics, and myopic interpretation and understanding of basic American values has doomed all our efforts to failure so far.” said another.

“Apparently the tenets of their religions have failed them completely. They are all so living in their own little mythical, unrealistic dream worlds that unless a year-long immersion in a Civics 101 course can help, there is little hope for them except perhaps euthanasia.”

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